Come on then stars, you showy little fuckers, perforate the dark I dare you.

So last night I saw Sharks Took The Rest for, I don't know, the millionth time and I'll tell you what, it really only gets better because one, you know all the lyrics to the album tracks even when you don't realise it and two, when they play new songs it's awesome because then you know there is something new to learn over time (and hope for in a new release). Live music is the best. Currently in the band they have some of Matt Stalker and the Fables helping out and damn is Matt good on the high harmony notes! I keep forgetting this as a thing because I only saw them once (at a STTR single release gig) but he's very good. Funny moment of the night was when the microphone cable fell out of the mic and he had no sound.

Anyway point is good gig was good and I love live music.

Catch up time:

I was in a show. I had a role in a show. I didn't mess up any of my lib (all three lines every night!) and even the singing was fine (even a little bit of quintet goodness worked out in the end). Ultimately I totally rocked it and feel rather confident now. You know that whole "wait... you mean I could actually do it if I tried hard enough/was given the opportunity/didn't really suck at auditions?" yeah that. In fact I'm still feeling rather cocky about it after so many compliments :D I totally want to try at more... even though I do most years... oh little diva stage buzz! Anyway it was awesome because it was The Grand Duke and that's a fabulous show and I was totally knackered every night after it.

I was in another show. The next week. I'll tell you what, the only bit that makes two shows in two weeks crap is that the omgweneedtorehearse stage of the second show overlaps the performance of the first and makes things stressful and difficult. However after a lot of indecision Princess Ida definitely grew on me by performance time (mostly because I got to be angry for 2/3rds of the show and that was a nice change to dense bimbo that seems to be most of the female choruses in G&S).

I didn't get a job. Got the interview though and totally did well at that so I feel ok about the whole thing because confidence is my main issue in life.

I went on an adventure with Tarq. I had been rather ill and one day I asked (in whispers because that's all my voice would allow) if we could go on an adventure.

"what, today?"

"nope, I have work. Tomorrow?"

"ok"

 And that was that. I didn't mind too much where we went, I just wanted to go somewhere slightly different. Really anywhere would suffice. He is excellent at confusing me though and kept pretending to turn off and in fact took the junction back onto the road we'd just come off. It was ridiculous but very fun. Anyway we ended up in Whitby. I don't remember ever going to Whitby before and so it was really nice as a surprise (I totally expected somewhere closer to home than that!) and the weather was really nice. There was lots of fun but especially an awesome red top hat that if it is still there when I go back at some point and I have money I shall buy it because it was amazing! And also lots of interesting shops and views and there was the sea! I love the sea :D I love adventure times. I love Tarq.

Not much else has happened. I've eaten a lot of chocolate today which is both awesome and a terrible idea. Actually I love confectionery a lot. Too much really but it gives me lots of buzzy energy and tastes really good. So really that's ok then :)

There are many things that I'm considering in life. Confectionery, ludomusicology, G&S, recorders... I have always had an issue that I consider too many things at once. I tend towards Jack of all trades rather than particularly good at one thing. I see things on stalls and think "I could make that" or hear a thing and think "I could make something sound like that, or do a similar thing" but aside from being rather useful in making me not spend my money I'm actually not very good at following through. I couldn't even tell you if I was any good at the actual thing or not because I don't get far enough. It's highly bothersome.

I also don't know where I'm going in life. I want to do something awesome but I don't know what. It's that showy little part of me, the diva inside, that knows that I'm not really good enough but could be at least ok maybe, if I tried or even let myself be.

I think once I've finished all the scores that I need to do then I'll find I have a lot more time and a lot fewer things to do and I won't know what to do with myself because then I have to actually be an adult and not the wannabe student that I am. Everything is procrastination and once I run out of procrastinationing I don't know what I'll do!

I also would really like to get back into ludomusicology (game music). There's even a conference in April (which is actually a bit doable because it's in Easter holidays for me!) but then I think it's just me being silly and that I should grow up and you know the real world isn't about doing things like that and all that malarky. I don't know who tells people these things but I guess I'm a bit jaded. I love dreaming but know that it's just a dream and nothing else. But I would like to do more with it because I enjoy analysis, I probably can't do it very well anymore and I don't know any of the right terms, but I do enjoy doing it and video game music analysis is just more interesting to me. You can take the entire soundtrack and find things that link from one to the next or find reasons why this bit of music happens here. Not just "oh the forte here is dramatic for dramaticsake or just to add tension or whatever" but "the forte here links with the image happening on the screen and that makes everything EPIC". I like the links rather than just music by itself. The whole art form rather than just one bit. But whenever I think about it I don't feel smart enough. I don't feel like I could ever be good enough to do any of that and that if anyone read it they'd laugh at me and then kick my whilst I'm down or something.

I waste so much time worrying than actually doing that it's ridiculous. 

Anyone fancy giving me some direction?

Please?

Waiting hopefully,

Buttercup xxxxxxxxx

Love is free and life is cheap and as long as I've got me a place to sleep

I went and saw Frank Turner on Saturday with a few folks (although it was just me and Tarq for the actual gig because we all arrived at different time and some of us had different types of tickets) but we were all at the same place at the same time and it was awesomes! I mean I got there after a 7hr shift (where there was no sitting) to a gig (with no sitting) and I was jumping up and down and dancing and shouting the songs (whoops, and now my throat is broken... but I'm actually ill as well) and it was awesome. He was so excellent live and definitely on my list to see again :D

But that was only a couple of days ago and I haven't been on here in aaaaaages. Since then I have changed my number and I'm now 24. There have been pandas, fireworks, stress, ill, more ill, happy occurrences, food, drinks, too much drinks, far too many rehearsals, scores left right and centre, singing, dancing, shoes, love, happiness, work, posh meals, flute concertos, dresses and orange tights.

I also discovered that safety lighters have good reason to be so, since I've just singed my thumb with it. Kinda hurt but seems fine now.

Actually there are some dilemmas happening. Firstly I do many rehearsals a week (6 at the last count if I make it to all of them in a week but that depends on work and if I am well enough), and then I want to see people outside rehearsals and to have nice relaxing times, but I have to fit in all the commission work that I'm doing that I don't have time to sort out my room (and the dining room because it's messy from the last bookmouldday) that it's in a permastate of untidy. I've lost my pokemon emerald that I bought ages ago and didn't have time to start and now would rather like to but it's nowhere to be found. Really what I need to do is completely empty my room and put things back slowly and all in the right places instead of in as many corners as a box room can have, and then the sides as well, and any space in the middle. I need to reorganise my shelves, pokemon cards, desk, floor, wardrobe but where is the time?! I don't know. I nearly always have a relatively clear doorway though because I constantly start tidying whenever I've had a hurricane day and couldn't work out what to wear and everything is on the floor, and then I don't have time, or I get bored or something else happens. But at least I can get into my room I guess :)

I'm very content though. In life. Right now. This instant. No lies. I don't know how that happened and probably tomorrow I'll be off on another emotion but today, even with everything ever that is there (mostly sneezing, not talking and snufflying) I'm content. I'm not famous, I'm not special in that regard. But I have people I love and people who love me and that is all that is really important. I know so many brilliant people, who make me insanely jealous of all their wonderfulness and stuff, and I'm so lucky to have all of that. I'm contentedly overwhelmed. I used to think 'why me? why do people stay with me and talk to me?" but now it's "well why not?". This isn't arrogance (at least not intentionally) but just acceptance that I'm not that bad a person. I try hard to be nice and to not make people sad. I try to help when I can so actually it's ok. I don't need to worry about why people are there. They are. Accept it. Enjoy it. Have a great fucking time :D I mean I still stress out all the time about everything ever but I'm also ok with a lot of things too.

I am also a panda heroine. Srsface. :| It's what makes me awesome. 

You know what I like? Trees, books, flowers, dry crisp days, the future, christmas, dreams, sleeping but waking up to snuggles, music, laughing, pokemon, pandas, candy, masterchef. omg I love masterchef! It's so good and the general public can't mess it up by voting for whoever is the prettiest because it's a cookery programme and so it's people who know their stuff who choose who stays and who goes. There was a man who made a carrot cake in a plant pot. It was amazing! I wish the BBC put people's recipes (the ones that work) on the internet so people can make the things themselves. I would totally make potted carrot cake for people I know. I even know where I can get little pots from. And tin buckets! In all different colours. Could have a whole series of cute baked goods in quirky cases. I think in the tin buckets I'd put paper cases though because I don't know how the metal would effect the taste. Wouldn't want it to taste bad because that would be sad.
Although I don't want to be a chef like that. I would rather like to do confectionery. I have a book. I have a thermometer (very important). I just need a marble slab and a heavy copper pan and I can get started on most of hte basics. Well ok I'll need ingredients too but htat part is kinda obvious. I don't like cooking big things like cakes or meal dishes. I mean they're ok but not really my thing. I like making cupcakes because they're little and fun and you can put random things in and they taste awesome. My favourite is to put jam or lemon curd in them. It makes them soft and moist and flavoursome without resorting to artificial flavours. And if the jam has fruities in it then you get chunks of strawbs or whatever you chose. Or you can put the jam in the icing. Both work :D if you put jam in the sponge they don't go stale as quickly because they aren't dry to begin with. But I like making sweet things and little things. Much more interesting. I might try making biscuits because I'm meant to make some for the work "do" because we all have to take things. I reckon this means a trip round the different cookery shops/parts of shops to get some christmas themed cutters! I'll probably try to make a double batch and keep some at home for family and friends.

The only problem with that food is that it rots your teeth and is very calorific. I know you shouldn't worry too much about that kind of thing but practise means perfect and practise means lots of sweetythings to eat and eat and eat. But good fun times. And if they were good enough I could give them to people as presents and then it'd be cool because they'd be different to the ones in the shops and awesome.

Like I said I like dreaming.

I had an epic plan for a thing but now I think I might be too ill to pull it all off. Gonna try though :D it'll be exciting if it works. I'm not a planning type but some things just feel like they should happen, you know what I mean?

Tomorrow I'm going to try and sort some things out to make life even more awesome. Today I feel all the love and contentness for everything and everyone. I have some plans and some interesting things to think about over the next couple of weeks to try and put into motion. Most of which will never see fruition but if even one or two things happen then maybe the others will happen in time. I always say tomorrow. Technically this will happen today. I best sleep so I can get on with my plans. I think my brain is all bzzzted out. I can see my 24th year being awesome (although I just wondered is it not technically my 25th year since your first year doesn't have a number? Ummm... well this year anyway :D). You know what will make it awesome? I will. I will make sure it is awesome because of everything and everyone. So I will and you will. We will make it awesome come hell, high water or any other obscure weather this country would like to try!

I have love, I have life, I have a bed (or two), clothes and food. I don't need anything more.

Until next time,

all of the loves

Buttercup xxxxxxxxxxx

Another world outside that's full of all the broken things that I made

So I've been watching this a little obsessively. Actually that's kind of a lie, I've been listening to the album version of the track which is a different video but the official video is quite interesting. I really rather like Deadmau5. Some of their stuff is a bit repetitive but on the whole it's a nice sound and has some really interesting beats.

I especially like that Gerard Way is doing the lyrics because I love his voice. I'm also very much looking forward to the album when it comes out because there is a track with Imogen Heap on it and that is (I hope) going to be excellent :D.

It's music that makes me want to dance.

I've been reading many, many books recently. I have had a book since I was back in middle school that Lomyr bought me and and I never read because it was hard and there were no chapter breaks and very few section breaks and I would always forget what had been happening because it was a slow sort of book (but not a bad one). Anyway that is called The Midnight Folk and I finally finished it. So, thought I, I better get the sequel, The Box Of Delights, and read that sooner rather than later because otherwise I'll not remember the first one and then things will get complicated. Whilst I waited for that to turn up from amazon I read the first two books of the Chronicles Of Ancient Darkness (of which until recently I only had book 2 and 4, but the Oxfam bookshop had the correct cover first book in for only £3 and I snaggled that). They were super quick to read and excellent too. The type that you can't put down and you finish within a day because one, they are children's books/young adult (I don't know where they lie in that area) and thus they have no complicated language or phrasing and everything just fits nicely, and two, the stories were fabulous.

I went back to the Oxfam shop and picked up the remaining books that I don't have so when I finish TBoD I can finish that series too (quite possibly within this week, which for me is amazingly fast. I must have concentration currently).

 

Annoyingly my Spirit Walker appears to be slightly larger than the other and my Outcast is a hardback but all copies are in these pretty covers :D

What is interesting about TBoD is the fact that I know the story so well. Every Christmas we used to watch the film of the book and even now when I read it the voices are so ingrained that I can hear quite a few of them and some of the phrases I can hear perfectly (because surprisingly the film seems to have stuck so closely to the book). It's so much easier to read with already knowing how everything goes (although I don't remember the end very well so that should be awesome). Also there are chapters and I like chapters because they give me a page count to aim for within the book rather than just the overall page count at the end.

I'm also back to copying Princess Ida in the hopes that I can start The Grand Duke this weekend. I always seem to have lots of things on and nothing at all, at the same time. My time is weird and I don't understand it at all. So currently I'm filling it all with lots of reading. I'm on target to have read, on average, one book a week for this year which is awesome because I hoped I would be able to do that. Read more of the books I have so I can justify buying lots more new books :D an neverever ending cycle of lots of books! 

I've just noticed it's WEDNESDAY! Might give you a cheeky Wishlist even though I haven't in ages!

Non-transitive (awesome blue one).

I like dice :D in particular, interesting ones and opposites.

Technically I just want to go out dancing but fluffies are pretty awesome!

Baby woluf hat so howling at the moon is even more awesome! Possibly a fluffy one would be better though.

Loves and taters

Buttercup xxxxx

I will ride, I will fly, chase the wind and touch the sky

I don't really remember how much time has passed since my last blog. It says the last post was 25th June but that doesn't mean an awful lot in real money to me. I have a few milestones but they all seem to happen in one lump at the start of August and really nothing happened in July.

• My books acquired mould again, very much against what I had hoped but that is the way life is. I still don't have my primary bookshelves anymore, which makes my room look bigger but sader because books are lovely! It chose to occur when no-one was at home except for me (of course) and so that was hella stressface all over!
• Printing orchestral scores is a pain in the arse and highly stressful too. I don't recommend it to anyone (unless you are a professional printer or you enjoy inducing stress in your life, in which case by all means and do you fancy doing mine in the future?). However the scores looked pretty good even with the few hiccups that occurred, but we'll know better for next time :D
• Putting one half of my first pet to sleep. This was very much the most traumatic and it was worse because parents weren't home to deal with such issues (so I made Jonaface deal with the vets for me) and Tarq was in all day rehearsals which he couldn't miss. Her sister is still with me but I worry that she's going to get les mis (because rattybums do so). I still love her to pieces though.
• Iolanthe. After all that stress and sad the show was pretty good. I'm still apprehensive about it but mostly because I just wish I could do better. However I have been told that it sounded and looked fabulous so that's all that really matters :D that and everyone seemed to have a fantastic time! In fact I'm going to elaborate a little on Iolanthe thoughts right here and now but in a haphazard sort of way :P

Score carrying, constant rechecking, front seat, Panda driving, Les Miserables belting and half casting, over the mountain, through little villages, remeeting and new meeting, little cottage, spiral staircases, lots of talking, fun times and laughing, expensive taxi, cosy bedding, early morning, detour breakfast (not open, back to tescos), flute and piccolo playing, photo taking, wrists breaking, parent meeting, performance time, new dress (very exciting), avoiding anyone in white, pretty sure lunch was somewhere, showtime starting, not bad overture, photos midperformance, MD missing, 2nd act, applause, packing up, get out quick, dump stuff, Panda, pubtime talking, soup snack eating, chinese foodles, tastynom, travel back home with acquired Annak, sleep times again, lazy start, dreams are shattered and ice cream is dust, dreams reborn, TINY TRAIN, sweetie shop, breakfast time, 14 rolls and 16 rolls, old books and dice, new books and maps, Penistone and being sworn at by locals, tiredout, home time.

• Started second job, it was pretty good and easy enough (we were on a quiet bar that served the boxes so there was minimal customer contact). Hoping to get many more shifts but certainly don't have enough hours to move out yet >:( it is all of the rubbish.

Those are all the things that I think I have done of note recently. I haven't really been up to much, taking a break from G&S because MY GOD too much in one week much! Although I do miss G&S uni group and it's weekly rehearsals and seeing those people and I miss G&S second group (I don't remember if I gave names anywhere but I try not to use any names ever in anything because I enjoy it :P) and the people there, I will be very much glad when it all starts up again even though that means stresstastic times for me as I have two scores currently in progress and another two that may or may not make an appearance (one my brother is dealing with... aaaat some point and the other isn't confirmed yet). This whole G&S malarky seems to take over lives and I swore I wouldn't let it happen but it has and I'm not 100% complaining :P not yet anyway!

Last night I was lying in bed and my brain was composing. I was writing music and I thought to myself, should I get up (even though I've already gone to bed and am starting to go to sleep) and write and write and write (or possibly sit in front of a computer screen and curse my inability to create the things that are in my head even though they are there and waiting) or sleep at a decent time (like I have been for quite a few nights now) and hope that inspiration does not desert me. I chose the latter and inspiration did indeed desert me like a stealthy thing in the night. WHICH IS A MAJOR BOTHER! *mental salute to Maj. B* I am forever losing these moments and yes I should have just got out of bed and hoped that I wasn't still working on things until 4am but I didn't and blah!

It was after watching Brave (which, by the way, made me cry more than once because I am a sap and Pixar are just too good at everything) and the whole folky music style thing which I've been wanting to do for ages because I've been contemplating writing music with a purpose but haven't quite got round to doing anything about it. Maybe I should do some concept arts on the matter and make an immersive world and scenes and stuff and compose to that but anyway, it got me totally wired and thinking about stuff that I wanted and I was getting little riffs and instrumentation and linking phrases from one to the other and it was awesome and now it's all gone (verysadface).

Brave reminded me that I wanted to learn Gaelic (technically I wanted to learn Irish Gaelic because I love Clannad's music but Scottish Gaelic would be just as fun). Actually one thing I didn't quite get was the ages of people when they were young. Those three tiny boys, I have no idea how old they are meant to be but they seem older than their stature would make you presume. They are brilliant though. The whole thing is wonderful and I'm so glad that they made it.

I'm also hella glad that I've ordered the ost already so that when it arrives I can listen to it and hopefully be inspired. I'll have to work fast on concept arts and things for what I want to do although whether I can get everything done in time is another matter.

I also want to try and plan another NaNoWriMo but I don't know if I can, at least not in time for this November, but it's always worth trying, if I don't start now then November will be here and then it will be too late to plan for this one but too early to pressure me into planning for the next one. I'm just not sure where or when I want to set. I mean I never specify in any of my stories on that matter but is it a dystopian future, a rural past, a parallel to our own time? This planetesque? Outer spaceesque? I have a few, really I should work on L'u and Dust but I worry it's too similar to other stories I know but since I'm never going to publish it does it really matter? I worry I don't have enough to get me going but then even though I planned Snow for about 3 years I didn't know a lot about the story until I started NaNo. Will I jsut end up recycling characters too much? Will I always have an emphasis on music even accidentally that it bores people?

I should really finish Snow. I mean it has beginning, middle and end but somewhere in the middle it got to the bit that I couldn't be bothered to write out fully and so I did it in note form. I mean I still hit 50k in the month but it's not a complete novel currently and it's been a couple of years since I tackled it so I might be ok delving back into it. I should also look at what material I can salvage from previous writings, I have so many snippets, mostly from the same type of universe, that I should try and bring, at least the ideas from, together. I don't want to be a writer, many of my friends either do or have gone through that as an idea, but I don't want to be a writer at all. I don't really want to have a job that relies too much on a constant stream of creativity. I just want to get ideas flowing, concepts brewing, world creating!

I'm just finishing the fourth (and final?) book in an excellent "twilight" series:

I was rather surprised 1. with the fact that for once Blogger has let me place the covers in the correct order with minimal fuss (comparatively) and 2. that this Russian series has a lot more to offer than the first film shows. If I remember correctly the first film is actually the first third of The Night Watch (the book) (although I was aware of something that happened in The Day Watch (book) that I think happens in TNW (film) which kinda confused me). It is certainly an interesting series and ok, yes, yet again we have magicians, witches, vampires and werewolves (and others) but it seems to be covered in a thick dusty layer of realistic grey and brown (like so many computer games these days that are known as "gritty realism"). However this does not detract from it (actually it is very much more grey than brown based on the twilight levels but that is something that should be read about and not spoilerised) and certainly takes away all this Disneyfication that fantasy has taken to doing currently (I'm thinking Harry Potter, Twilight and all that spawned after it). Although yes those books are for children/YA but this (whilst only found in the sci-fi/fantasy section in book shops, well away from YA/kids etc.) isn't exactly difficult to read and could have gone down the whole vampires are misunderstood/evil route but kind of sits in the middle of vampires are just vampires like people are just people. Not everyone is "evil" even if they are Dark and not everyone is "good" even if they are Light. It doesn't do a whole lot of moral stories though, just that people (or in this case Others) are just as unfortunate and messed up as everyone else. They are branded as one type or another but means about as much as the branding of a football team in the reality of everything. It's very good and the covers are excellent, imo.

I only had the first and the last to begin with. I had picked up the first I think new from Waterstones or somewhere, probably in a sale or in a special offer, because it was pristine and it is unlikely that you get those from secondhands. The last was a charity shop buy (Oxfam if I remember correctly but that might be a fabrication). When I started on the first and discovered that I was enjoying it I jumped straight onto amazon.co.uk and bought the next one (and then the third even though it would have made more sense to buy both at the same time but I'm trying really, really, really hard not to buy new books currently so though it best to wait and see on the matter and it came almost just in time for me to start reading after finishing the second book). One of the most interesting things about it though is less on the stories (which are good) and the writing (which is also very nice) but that when it mentions a thing that occurred in another book there is an asterisk and a note telling you where this information comes from. It happens not too often that you want to hit either the author, or the translator, or the publisher for allowing it to be on the page, but just often enough that it jogs memories when things are mentioned. My favourite one (and so far has only happened once and I'm half way through the second story of book 4) is on page 78 of The Last Watch:

"This story is told in the movies Night Watch and Day Watch."

I was amused :3

I've probably wittered enough for now (and maybe the next couple of months or so :P) and I want to try and finish this book tonight because things are getting intense and it's exciting! Maybe next time a little less rambly and a few more pictures? Although my blogs are nearly always more a higher ramble to picture ratio, I think it's just the way I am (and I use this as a omg-all-of-my-brain-be-out-on-this-digitalised-form-of-paper).

Love and fluffythings,

Buttercup xxxxxxxxx

Sometimes I dream of sharks, sometimes I dream of burrs.

Cycling is hard work. I keep thinking that since I do 2x 1 mile every week day that I should be much better at it now than I was five months ago... but I'm kind of not and every day after work I get home and I feel knackered. Doesn't really help towards my motivation needs. But I need to keep on doing things because otherwise I just stop and then get miserable because I'm wasting my days away.

I think I need to mostly spend less time on the internet. It's a little bit soul sucky and time eaty. Right now all I really want to do is sleeeeeep. The cycling is to blame on that one though.

Panda mug from Pengadore.com

Infinity ring (silver) from etsy.

 

The top three images are mine from my flickr. Just felt like sharing some images rather than a whole lot of text. I've not had much time to do anything recnetly it feels because I've been slaving away at G&S music but now the majority of it is done :D The only issue is is that the remaining bits are faffy because it's editing and checking that everything ever is perfect. Such an issue and bore!

I should really get on with... anything. I have a tiny list today:

• Edit Iolanthe act 2 in prep for adding piano parts
• Go to work
• Tidy
• Exercise
• Sort through some files and delete unwanted/unrequired ones.
• Flute practise

Look at the tininess of it all! And I've already done one task! (I always add work to my list because then I have something I can always cross off and it makes me feel good about myself :D).

Time to get on!

Love y'all, Buttercup

xxxxxx

You know we can't stay young forever but we can stay young for the rest of our days.

This is going to be a relatively simplistic post. I just feel like sharing is all, and with lots of pictures I hope.

 I bought this today. If I'm honest I'm not sure what the point in it is. I've never had cuticle cream (although cream is completely the wrong word as it's a solid block like vaseline) but I've wanted something from Burt's Bees for ages and this was one of the cheapest items. I must confess I have no idea what I'm meant to do so I smeared some over my nails and finger ends. No real idea if that's right or not but it seemed like the best idea. However regardless of if I'm doing it right it smells fabulous! Like lemon curd. Very nommy.

Another brand that I've been tempted by in the past. You know how you just wonder if it's a better product because it's branded? Or if it just means that you are paying extra money for no reason. Anyway they had a miniature and so I thought I'd also try this. I hate having dry hands, always have. It bothers me so much. Now my hands are even worse because of all the cleaning I do at work. This stuff smells a bit like sun tan lotion and so it makes me think of summer. It also makes my hands nice and soft so it's a win for that. I also picked up a mini cocobutter moisturiser because that stuff is excellent but makes me crave chocolate. I'm hoping that it'll be useful to carry around being a smaller size... I really have too much body lotion etc. already but I love different brands and smells.

 

I'm contemplating these two pairs of shoes. I really like polkaspots at the moment and apparently these converse are navy (I am rather fond of dark blue right now as well, especially dark blue and silver as a combo) but as is the case with cons they are expensive (£45 from Amazon because schuh has run out of my size). I also already own four different pairs of converse but I like variation. I'm also quite liking these Rocket Dog shoes. It's weirding me out though because they're floral. Floral?! On shoes?! It's just a bit weird for me. So I'm debatey. The RDs are £35 from Schuh and are pretty. I also know that RDs are comfy like the cons so either pair will be wearable instantly. They look like summer shoes and I'm rather about summer right now.

I meant to pop to Windows (although it would be unlikely that I would actually end up spending money in there on such an item because they are hugely expensive but actually I was going to go in for other things and reasons and now won't be back in town until... ages now. Rubbish) and then probably head over to Fenwick toy department and pick up a cheap metal harmonica. I've been meaning to learn harmonica since I was about 5 and daddy gave me one of his old ones. 

I have slight issues with learning it now because it seems to be overly popular right now as a fashion thing to have a harmonica (I do have a mini harmonica necklace somewhere too because I'm cool like that although there is a fabulous one in Accessorize which is in dark blue and I kind of want it because it's so pretty but also £12), like the ukulele was... which I sadly also owned one from an early age (inadvertently a prehipster). 

There's just something awesome about harmonica and I love the way daddy plays his so I keep meaning to buy one but do I buy a chromatic or a keyed one and if I choose to go with a keyed then which key do I choose? Argh! And they're sadly not very cheap anymore. Although comparatively to a classical instrument they're obviously in a different league :P

I now think I'm going to attempt to tidy my room because Anna-chan is coming over tomorrow and it's still a mess and then I'm going to paint my nails blue and silver because awesome colours.

Or I'll just sit on the Internet and "window shop" on harmonicas, purses (I want a new one and seriously can't find one I like. Spent a couple of hours just trying to find one... sadface), pokemon cards (I just got paid so celebrations!) and other wonderful things.

I really like shopping :D also life is currently very awesome :3

Love and lemons xxxxxxxxxxxx

It is easy in elegant diction to call it an innocent fiction.

So I've been pottering around this week, sometimes with purpose and other times just really aimlessly. Some of the things that have been happening (this will probably be a bit bitty as a post but I have a few things on my mind).

Firstly (ooh look and image :D I seem to be mostly just giving walls of text (WoT(TM)) at the moment so here is a piccy (although it is very old from the tail end of my flickr page)) I have started checking what music I have for flute copied into Sibelius and starting to copy up other pieces. I'm mostly focusing on the hard pieces because the easier ones are of little use except for nostalgia or if they're really pretty. I don't know what the piece is that is shown, I don't recognise it but it will have been something that I was doing at the time I took the photo many moons ago.

My main idea is to start playing again. I could have been pretty good at flute and piccolo but I left it at the wayside when flute lessons stopped and thus my attention to it waned. I mean it's starting to come back now that I play flute for some of the summer shows (and the music is pretty hard in places so I should really start practising asap on my hard music) and I can't do all the fast bits. I've never been good at fast pieces, my fingers get all mixed up, especially on piccolo, and I get easily flustered. If something goes wrong I find it hard to keep going.

The reason why I copy into Sib is that I can't work out rhythms by myself. I was never good at sight reading because I can't keep a steady beat. Sib helps in letting me play back a rough idea of what it should sound like. It's only rough because it sometimes doesn't understand grace notes too well and it puts no expression in. Computers, eh?

Another thing I've been doing is making a few bits and pieces for the show I'm in shortly (with Bette, Ralph and Hazy, although Bette and Ralph are also in another one which is sooner). I do love being in shows and I've become better at performing on stage but I still hate acting. I feel like a prat whenever I do anything so I end up standing there looking and feeling awkward. I love the singing though, and when dance moves are set. That's the bit I love the best. The running around looking concerned, excited or flirting? No, ta.

The show itself looks like it's going to be fabulous though. I shouldn't really be in it because I'm alumni but I'm so glad that I am. It's The Pirates of Penzance, which isn't one I've done or seen so that's good but it's also a great laugh. We have two directors, a choreographer and two musical directors which has been useful in some regards but also chaotic in others as everyone does things differently (even if only slightly) and that can cause slight confusion. It's worked out wonderfully though. I might bitch about having to go to rehearsals when I can't be arsed, about not having enough time to do this, that and the other, the amount of rehearsals when the show looms over, having to act, be on stage etc. but I will tell you this now: the three nights of show will never feel like enough and I will miss all of that when the final curtain closes and we all traipse off to get wonderfully pissed and sing G&S songs hideously drunkenly (probably in someone's kitchen somewhere). The people in G&S are wonderful and we always have a laugh in the end. I've made some really good friends over the years and that's really lovely.

There will be a feeling of loss when this show is over (as there always is) which will not be filled until the summer show (although I still have Iolanthe to finish copying up and help arrange, if our MD doesn't mind me giving my opinion in practical regards).

Kind of leading on from there I'm not sure how I feel about my voice. I don't think I have a very good voice at all for singing aside from in huge groups. :WARNING, this is not intended for sympathy/attention I'm just musing here: This issue I have is that my voice sounds weird to me. Like when I play it back or listen intently to it. I that this is standard for people but I find that my voice sounds weak and very much meh. But the weirdest part is that people seem to want me to sing. I know that I will never get a solo in a show (partially because of my non-existent acting skills and the fact that there are about 10 other people who are better than me at everything ever) and I'm really ok with that. I know of some people who would be grumpy if they did not get  role but I'm much happier without focus on me. 

Another thing that I have issues with is that I would like to record some music but then I have to contend with my voice. If I can get a DAW to work then I can go into electronica/pop type music and I can do all sorts of things with my voice and then it doesn't need to be great to begin with. I sometimes wish I was just more confident.

I was singing along to Les Miserables because mama was watching it and, partially didn't help that I was bent over a sewing machine at the time, I think I was kinda out for the whole thing. I can't really hit the highest soprano notes nicely anymore (I really need to practise that kind of thing because I used to be ok at that :/) and aside from some tiny bits everything sounded kinda crap when I was singing. It was kinda les mis making in itself. :(

But enough of the emoiding. I'm being rather introspective at the moment which doesn't help. Discovering things and stuff can be a bit of a boost in some regards and confusing in others, but again that's not for here.

I'm still working and it's going well although G has had to go on sick leave and the woman we have, A, is... different to what we're used to. She's not particularly bad but it's meaning that we're having to teach her the layout of the kitchen and stuff. It's a bother but nothing that isn't copeable with! :D

Not much else to report really, nothing I can think of. I'll take some nice photos over the week and try and put some up so you can see nice things as well as reading some words.

Lemonies, Buttercup xxxxxxxxxx

Was it love at first sight when you walked by and you caught my eye?

So I was talking to Hazy and he told me I needed to blog more so here is a generalised update on my life with possible random thoughts interspersed. I need to check when my last blog was though... wow almost 2 months ago! That is a long while and quite a bit has happened since then. I mean it's a whole new year, a new campaign map in life!

Well the main thing that has happened since I last typed was Christmas and then New Year. These were pretty good times. I mean they normally are and I think always have been good times. There is good food and everyone has little gifts or big gifts in some cases. I got some wonderful presents but I don't need to go bragging about those to you, I'm sure you guys got wonderful things too.

For NYE (New Year's Eve) I did things completely differently to any other time. Firstly I went to the city's NYE parade, in which Anna-chan was part of a serpent. The parade was good although I was behind tall people, thank goodness for cameras and auto focus (I was totally photographing over peoples' heads and actually watching most of it on someone else’s DSLR (canon I think) as they filmed the whole thing). The best part for me was the firework display. I LOVE FIREWORKS. I'm not even slightly joking. Normally I wouldn't be a fan of loud noises, especially sudden, loud noise, but fireworks? Man, set off a couple and you'll just see how big my smile is. This was a pretty damned good display too! Lots of variation!

Then from there Anna-chan and I walked to Bette's house for some party-age with NUGSS people. We didn't stay 'til very late because there would have been no room to sleep and then we'd have been stuck in town with a not very easy way home so we went to get a metro at 10.30pm(?), only to find out that the metro wouldn't be there for another 45mins or so. Just as well for me that I was drunk at this point or I could have been very grumpy at that.

Our metro driver wished us happy new year when it got to midnight, which was sweet. We got to her house at about 12.15 which was fine because then we nested on the sofa and belted tunes from les misérables! It was a cracking way to bring in the new year.

Since then I seem to have been busy busy busy the whole time. Work is going pretty to very well. I've been getting out to see people on a semi regular basis which is nice.

I've been considering the whole “NYResolutions” (NYR) thing. Now I sit on fencing with things like these. Whilst I truly think that if NYRs get you to do things then they are a fabulous thing I do feel that if people can do them for NY then why not any time, like the day they first think of them. I know that having a platform such as NY or your birthday is a good boost to start a new thing or to quit an old thing but it's sad that we can't just go “oh I fancy changing myself so I'll start today”.

The other issue is that you get a couple of months in (at best) and have forgotten that you even had NYRs or have given up because it was too hard or you just couldn't be bothered. I'm not even judging other people here because this is what I do. I don't remember a single NYR that I've kept and if I did keep one it wasn't because I thought of it as my NYR. So what's the point in them?

This year I'm trying something different. I don't have resolutions as such. I just have a checklist. It's like a to do list but for the year. They normally help me to do tasks during the day so I thought, what the hell. Let's go for it anyway. Some are really easy like Complete Gen 2 (which involves me buying 4 particular pokemon cards from 151-251) and some are harder. I'll let you know how I get on with it :D

Ok I lost my train of thought because I went away and played Plants vs. Zombies (I love tower defence games, and I happen to be pretty good at them too!), then I had to wash my hair because it was smelling like chlorine (because I went swimming today but only did 26 lengths, but was distracted because I was talking to a bloke for a while) and then had tea (quiche and home made soup and salads with tiger bread and butter :3) and then played on some more PvZ... I was going to tell you all about the woes of my hair but I'm sleepy now and fancy watching some Fullmetal Alchemist (original series) and maybe doing some of the tasks I still have for today. Maybe blog again in a little while.

Lemons and loveses, Buttercup xxxxxxxx

Take heart, fair days with shine; take any heart, take mine.

I think it's cloudy outside, possibly even very overcast but the netting at my window makes everything look foggy regardless of the weather. Oh it is actually foggy, fog ^2.

I've felt surprisingly busy this past week even though not much has changed aside from 3 hours of my day are take up with my "catering assistant" job (and travel time). I cycle. It's 2 miles from my house to the school (give or take) and it's downhill. The way back is uphill :(. Over the last week I've done between 25-30 miles on my bike. 

But that's really not that much time but it's surprising how much quicker the days pass me by. I've barely had any time, or so it feels, to do NaNo (and I'm so behind on that I don't see myself ever catching up unless I write 14k today or can manage to write 3k a day from now on). It doesn't help that I'm also copying up almost the entire orchestral score for the Buxton performance this summer (getting an early start on it so it's less of a rush later) and I'm still copying up the second act for Pirates so I can learn it (I learn best by listening to my part over and over again and practising A LOT).

I've done a lot of copying of music into Sibelius over the years and sometimes I really wish I could have something like that as a job. I'm pretty quick at it now. It's tedious though and does mean that for extended periods of time I'm sat in this computer chair concentrating quite hard. I'm not really sure why I offer this service for people but I like to be useful.

I haven't been taking any photos or arting at all, my mind is kind of overwhelmed to even consider that kind of thing, Which is a shame really because I do enjoy arty things. I'll get worse again if I don't keep it up but brain deaaaath~.

I've ordered some new converse that hopefully I'll get over the next week (and hopefully they'll be a size 5 and not 5.5) and I'll show those off to you on here. I also have a set day of the week that I'm going to allow myself to buy pokemon cards because I buy way too many of those really. It's Monday, in case you were wondering, because it gives me something to look forward to after the weekend.

Christmas is coming up fast and I still have Elendil's birthday before that to buy a present for. Where has the year gone? I might go back to gaming for a bit. Playing Warrior's Orochi 2. It's essentially Dynasty Warriors with demons and samurai as well as the standard DW characters. Hack and slash, hack and slaaaash~ Mash X to win. :3

Lemons xxxxxxxxx

Don't dream it, be it.

Possibly my favourite lyric quote of all time. We; Hannahan, Anna-chan, Danzel, Jo-sa, Jenny and Swardle, went to see Rocky Horror Picture Show participation. It was really good. 

 Swardle, me and Hannahan. Sadly I don't have a photo showing that all three of us were wearing fishnets and that Hannahan and I had platform heels on! (Or that Swardle had tiny hot pants on and he has great legs!)

We were in a in-the-process-of-being-(re)built ballroom hall that had, up a flight of circular stairs, a dome. We were put in the dome part. The floor was covered in deck chairs and the film was projected onto a huge screen. It was great fun singing along and throwing things (like rice at the wedding scene (although some ended up down my corset)) and wearing newspaper on our heads when it was "raining" (water pistols). I even shouted out (in Sweet Transvestite) in the line:

"I see you shiver with antici- go on, say it, consta -pation"

I felt very bold! But it's a line that my brother always puts in when we're listening to the song so it's practically second nature now. I think he would have been proud.

It was a very good laugh although I still have corset bruises on my hips and ribs. If you can help it don't ever wear a corset and then sit in a deckchair for a couple of hours. Especially if it's a longline corset. Although it was certainly worth it.

In other news I've been sleeping even more than usual. I am all of the tireds all the time. I'm also cycling really fast through highs and lows which is tiresome as well. Although the highs are less happiness and more just really buzzy. Buzz buzz buzzy bees.

Also I'm being annoyed at artists who don't release their music like normal bands with cds on amazon or even to download on amazon. I don't know how else to get their music. It's like Nouvaeunoise and Purity Ring. Dancey type music. SIGH! I just want something a bit more upbeat to try and get me moving again.

I'm also doing another project but it is slow and taking a lot of time to complete. As usual it is the secrets. You might find out in a couple of months or so :p

Loves and lemons

Buttercup xxxxx

So save your scissors, for someone else's skin

So, my new carpet comes today. I've had the carpet I currently own all my life and it is really past it. It was probably past it when I was about 15 (being a budding artist from a very early age and a klutz with chocolate milkshake took its toll over the years). I would like it to be here now. I would like everything in my room to be fitted and sorted so I can put my cds and books back in. That's actually the bit I look forward to the most. Reorganising my books and cds. It's silly but I enjoy it.

Something else I enjoy is buying treats for my ratties. I had to go out and buy some more food and I bought a little pot of popcorn, dried banana and dried kiwi fruit for them. Also a woven grass mat for them to snuggle on and chew. It's just nice buying things for them. I'm so glad I have them because they help me through a lot. If shit is hitting the proverbial then I know that just chatting to them will calm me down in that short period before my drugs make everything easier. I'm not sure if they like the kiwi though, they've never had it before so it's a little bit strange for them. I might give them some chocolate in a bit :3

In other news I've completed a secret project. Oooooooh. It's going to stay partially secret for a while though still. But I enjoy making little projects. If they are small then they are easier to complete :). Got another couple in my mind so I'll try and complete those soon and report back with pictures and everything :D

I've been reading a lot. I've read 16 books so far this year, which is pretty good going for me as I am not a quick reader anymore. I can't read when there is talking going on or the tv is on. It's too hard to concentrate on the words. But 16 is pretty good going, almost 3 a month. My percentage is of books that I've read of all my books is 57.4% which is terrible! I need to read more books than I buy :D. Hopefully I'll read loads over summer and get though a nice batch of stories and then I can buy more books without feeling a tiny bit guilty at having not read the ones I already own. Really the appropriate percentage is 80% read so I'm quite a bit off... almost 100 books off. So it'll be a couple of years before I get there but I'd like to get to 65% by the end of this year, maybe even 70%! That would be good.

Oh apparently even though the carpet should come today it won't be layed until the weekend. I'm hideously disappointed now. I was looking forward to putting quite a few things into my room finally. I can't help but be a little bit disappointed. Also when my room is done I'm getting a little bamboo plant :D well three sticks of bamboo in water. They grow like that though. I'm well excited. I might even be able to not kill it :p

Love y'all

Buttercup

xxxxx

I encourage your smiles, I expect you won't cry.

So I've started this blog twice now and to no avail. My writing just isn't happening today so I'll just put some shiz down and hopefully write down that and make a better blog later. I just want to get writing again. But to that in a bit. Maybe this blog will write itself :)

So first off I've started a mini exercise regime. I've only been going a couple of days (today was day two so I'm being literal :D). I've been feeling terribly lazy so I've started just doing little things to build on core strength. I've got absolutely no core strength. I can swim for about an hour solidly (breast stroke), and I can cycle for quite a while so I know I have endurance. I can dance my way through Zumba no problem but when it comes to holding moves in T'ai Chi my legs shake and my arms ache. I have no real strength there. So I'm going with the basics and so far this is what I am managing:

• 10 star jumps from crouching position
• 10 push ups (from knees, not full ones but I prefer from knees so nyeh).
• 10 squats
• 10 sit ups
• 3x10seconds planks

Yeah ok that looks pretty pathetic but I'm going to build up slowly and with what I have. I'm also going to play on my dance mat at least every other day and maybe start doing yoga at home. I'm just going to keep trying because I want to be fitter. I know that while I'm not terribly unfit, I could really do with being fitter. I'm also going to hopefully join a T'ai Chi group in Heaton and build on that. I've been terrible and not been going for a month or so whilst finishing my work but I would love to get it back into the swing of things.

I also read about a way of eating food, note this is not a diet but a thought process. But I think I will get back to you guys on that when I know more. It sounds interesting to say the least and things that are interesting are often worth having a look at :).

My Xbox360 has died, which is the ultimate of sadness, or it would be if I felt much. In theory it is very sad especially as Alice came on the same day it died. Seriously? The one game I've been waiting to play since I played the first one (although I didn't finish it because it was scary :P) and that's been since high school. And the instant it comes out, my console dies. It's just... a little frustrating is all. And to buy a new one is £180 and I'm not sure I can justify spending that kind of money at the moment. If I had a job then sure, I would go into Game and buy a sweet little 250gb slim and be very happy with my purchase, but as it is I'm just going to have to wait.

I was going to draw today but I never got round to it :/ I guess I may do some tomorrow. Got some designs to work out and then try out :D and I would like to do some general drawing. Apparently at one point I was almost vaguely competent at things like that. Now I'm not doing anything I think I will start to challenge myself more... if I remember. I should write a list!

Lists are awesome.

I'll upload some pictures if I get round to making any :)

I'm going to head to bed to read some more of The Beach by Alex Garland. It's rather good :D

Love from Buttercup

xxx

And now, the end is near and so we face the final curtain

Hello there dear readers, of whom you are probably even more reduced in number seeing as I haven't properly posted here since Wednesday 6th April but things have been a foot and whilst I near the end of this I would like to share a little insight into what's been going on.

Currently I am sitting at my computer, obviously as I need it to type this =p, still in my pyjamas with the sound of screaming children wafting through the slightly open window. This is the horror of living next to a school when they have P.E. outdoors. Actually the worst days are when they have Sports Day and they choose to blast music for the children to make it more fun. Now as wonderful as that is for the children they actually play the music loud enough that it cuts through my window being shut and my music playing at a relatively loud volume. But that is neither here nor there because that day is yet to grace this year's calender.

So what have I been doing? Well I was in a show, this time in the "orchestra" which was a nice change, for HMS Pinafore. It was pretty good, I personally would have liked to do something different because I've done HMS already (and when you can say you've only done 4 G&S shows comparatively to most of my other G&S friends that's not a lot). It's good though with the music and the much more digestible plot but you know I enjoy not knowing what the show is about until I get to the dress rehearsal and suddenly it all starts to make sense. Yes it makes it rather hellish for the audience but I enjoy the "what the fuckery?" that accompanies these shows. So this took a lot of my time for a while. Mostly metally =p

And then I had various assignments to complete... now I use the term various relatively loosely. I had one essay (2.5-3k), a composition portfolio (2 compositions and 5 reviews), and a minor dissertation (6k) to write. But I tell you, dearest friends of mine, that this was not easy.

I am still currently in the process of completing my dissertation (and I am pretty chuffed with it if I'm honest, if only because earlier this month it was looking like an impossible task) that is due in for tomorrow. This is actually going to happen as well which, looking back at the previous statement, makes me a very chuffed little person indeed!

I'm not going to blog too much about it because I facebook status almost continuously about it (sorry facebook chums of mine) but here is a list of what I still have remaining (more for myself than anything else):

1. Disclaimer - to write.
2. Glossary - to complete (mostly written).
3. CD - to label and to stick wallet onto card for binding.
4. Webography - to complete (started).
5. Discography (music, games and film) - to move from original document into final complete document.

And then

1. Completely check over everything one last time.
2. Print first copy, recheck everything and insert CD card.
3. Print second copy, recheck everything and insert CD card.
4. Place both copies into individual wallets so as not to mess them up.
5. Get both copies bound.
6. Submit in office by 4pm tomorrow.
7. Submit digital copy and email relevant staff by 4pm tomorrow
8. Celebratory drinkings HIGHLY IMPORTANT!

And that is that. Ok this blog isn't interesting to anyone really but I will be coming back soon enough with pictures and things of interest!

Love from Buttercup xxx