It is easy in elegant diction to call it an innocent fiction.

So I've been pottering around this week, sometimes with purpose and other times just really aimlessly. Some of the things that have been happening (this will probably be a bit bitty as a post but I have a few things on my mind).

Firstly (ooh look and image :D I seem to be mostly just giving walls of text (WoT(TM)) at the moment so here is a piccy (although it is very old from the tail end of my flickr page)) I have started checking what music I have for flute copied into Sibelius and starting to copy up other pieces. I'm mostly focusing on the hard pieces because the easier ones are of little use except for nostalgia or if they're really pretty. I don't know what the piece is that is shown, I don't recognise it but it will have been something that I was doing at the time I took the photo many moons ago.

My main idea is to start playing again. I could have been pretty good at flute and piccolo but I left it at the wayside when flute lessons stopped and thus my attention to it waned. I mean it's starting to come back now that I play flute for some of the summer shows (and the music is pretty hard in places so I should really start practising asap on my hard music) and I can't do all the fast bits. I've never been good at fast pieces, my fingers get all mixed up, especially on piccolo, and I get easily flustered. If something goes wrong I find it hard to keep going.

The reason why I copy into Sib is that I can't work out rhythms by myself. I was never good at sight reading because I can't keep a steady beat. Sib helps in letting me play back a rough idea of what it should sound like. It's only rough because it sometimes doesn't understand grace notes too well and it puts no expression in. Computers, eh?

Another thing I've been doing is making a few bits and pieces for the show I'm in shortly (with Bette, Ralph and Hazy, although Bette and Ralph are also in another one which is sooner). I do love being in shows and I've become better at performing on stage but I still hate acting. I feel like a prat whenever I do anything so I end up standing there looking and feeling awkward. I love the singing though, and when dance moves are set. That's the bit I love the best. The running around looking concerned, excited or flirting? No, ta.

The show itself looks like it's going to be fabulous though. I shouldn't really be in it because I'm alumni but I'm so glad that I am. It's The Pirates of Penzance, which isn't one I've done or seen so that's good but it's also a great laugh. We have two directors, a choreographer and two musical directors which has been useful in some regards but also chaotic in others as everyone does things differently (even if only slightly) and that can cause slight confusion. It's worked out wonderfully though. I might bitch about having to go to rehearsals when I can't be arsed, about not having enough time to do this, that and the other, the amount of rehearsals when the show looms over, having to act, be on stage etc. but I will tell you this now: the three nights of show will never feel like enough and I will miss all of that when the final curtain closes and we all traipse off to get wonderfully pissed and sing G&S songs hideously drunkenly (probably in someone's kitchen somewhere). The people in G&S are wonderful and we always have a laugh in the end. I've made some really good friends over the years and that's really lovely.

There will be a feeling of loss when this show is over (as there always is) which will not be filled until the summer show (although I still have Iolanthe to finish copying up and help arrange, if our MD doesn't mind me giving my opinion in practical regards).

Kind of leading on from there I'm not sure how I feel about my voice. I don't think I have a very good voice at all for singing aside from in huge groups. :WARNING, this is not intended for sympathy/attention I'm just musing here: This issue I have is that my voice sounds weird to me. Like when I play it back or listen intently to it. I that this is standard for people but I find that my voice sounds weak and very much meh. But the weirdest part is that people seem to want me to sing. I know that I will never get a solo in a show (partially because of my non-existent acting skills and the fact that there are about 10 other people who are better than me at everything ever) and I'm really ok with that. I know of some people who would be grumpy if they did not get  role but I'm much happier without focus on me. 

Another thing that I have issues with is that I would like to record some music but then I have to contend with my voice. If I can get a DAW to work then I can go into electronica/pop type music and I can do all sorts of things with my voice and then it doesn't need to be great to begin with. I sometimes wish I was just more confident.

I was singing along to Les Miserables because mama was watching it and, partially didn't help that I was bent over a sewing machine at the time, I think I was kinda out for the whole thing. I can't really hit the highest soprano notes nicely anymore (I really need to practise that kind of thing because I used to be ok at that :/) and aside from some tiny bits everything sounded kinda crap when I was singing. It was kinda les mis making in itself. :(

But enough of the emoiding. I'm being rather introspective at the moment which doesn't help. Discovering things and stuff can be a bit of a boost in some regards and confusing in others, but again that's not for here.

I'm still working and it's going well although G has had to go on sick leave and the woman we have, A, is... different to what we're used to. She's not particularly bad but it's meaning that we're having to teach her the layout of the kitchen and stuff. It's a bother but nothing that isn't copeable with! :D

Not much else to report really, nothing I can think of. I'll take some nice photos over the week and try and put some up so you can see nice things as well as reading some words.

Lemonies, Buttercup xxxxxxxxxx