Take a load off Annie, take a load for free, take a load off Annie, and you can put the load right on me

So I haven't posted since last year and I've been very lax in the whole idea of blogging. It's that wonder as to whether people read your blogs and whether or not they read simply because they feel they have to or whether they actually enjoy it or not. I tend to ramble and squirrel- yeah I get off topic quite a bit but meh! I shall post as I see fit.

Quite a lot and not much has happened all at once. So I'll just tell you some things of things.

I finally finished one score that I was doing and now I'm over half way through the next one. It's a bit ridiculous how much I'm doing on these scores. With the time I use on them I could totally have a full time job with actual wages and stuff... Two part time jobs isn't really enough to do anything with. But better than nothing so I'm not complaining too much :)

This second score feels so much shorter it's like there's no music at all. Five pages later and BAM! another song done :D It's a very nice feeling, instead of TGD which was a slog and a half and I think my average speed dropped a few pages an hour which when there is 500-600odd pages to do kind of makes a huge difference. However that one is done and now I'm just slogging away with the poor quality editing that is Kalmus. Three pages, three pages!, in and I was already annoyed. Trumpet is in the wrong place, pizzicato markings unresolved, key signatures that are wrong. Oh well, that is the joy that is Kalmus!

I started a thing this year. I saw it one... someones facebook feed and thought, hey why not. Kinda cute, little bit ridiculous and a pinch of stupid but I'm quite enjoying it so far. I bought a glass jar (actually it;s a really nice metal lock jam jar from Wilko's and is rather bon, I have one for the damage counters for Pokemon) and I write a nice thing on it that made me smile with the date and the fold it up and put it inside. It makes me happy how much there is already in it. It's instead of resolutions. I don't stick to them. So instead I'm lettingm yself know what an awesome year I had (by the end of it) so I can look back and go "oh yeah, I remember that now, that was awesome". 

I nicked that image off weheartit but it's the concept of what I am doing. I'll see how far I get. Who knows I might actually stick with it for the whole year! However I did start the first few with 2012 written on them. That was amusing :D

I saw another thing that was an interesting concept. Instead of explaining I'll put the link here: linkylink

I really like it as a concept but currently I don't have the money to do it properly. I mean I considered doing it with 50p intervals instead of £1 ones (so the last week is 26 rather than 52) but that is still impractical with my income. It would be awesome though because even with only saving the 50p version you'd still have a jar with £689 in it at the end of the year. That's a whole lotta cash in one go! Maybe if I get a third/better job :D it would be another jar with nice smiley things in it!

However I would always be tempted to take out a pound here or there (or several) for you know, the bus fare or so I can go out and I totally promise I'll replace it when I have the change in my purse honest! But it'll never get replaced and I'll just end up spending more money than normal because it would be there, in a jar, in front of me, grinning and waving its little hands at me! Goddamn money!

Another thing I've been doing this year is I'm taking Wednesday's off. This may change over the course of the year but I discovered I didn't actually have any me time. I was losing myself in scores and rehearsals and travelling here, there and everywhere but I wasn't getting anymore enjoyment out of it because I was tired and grumpy and didn't want to. Currently I have Monday's and Wednesday's where I don't go out and rehearse or have particular plans. It's nice for a change. Ok so I still copy up scores and stuff but I can also do other things. I've started doing Project Wednesdays where I try to do a thing just for me. Or for learning. Or just for the Kraken. It's for doing nice things like making caramel or cinder toffee or fixing that bag or drawing this thing or that thing or writing or even just chilling out with a book. I'm intending to stay saner and more chilled. By the way, cinder toffee is kinda hard to do (I think the recipe is wrong) and caramel is awesome and easy to make but it seems to disappear so maybe I made magic caramel that walks away... it's apparently really good though :D

I'm attempting to challenge myself, to do things. It may only last a couple of months but that's a couple more than none :D However I'm now going to curl up in bed with my DS and continue with Harvest Moon DS:Cute (called that because it's the version for girls! You can change your clothes and wallpaper and stuff!). I absolutely love Harvest Moon (the original FarmVille) and I get really addicted to it. I'm attempting to get all the Harvest Sprites and rescue the Harvest Goddess and have at least one of each building, one of each animal and have shipped one of everything, own one of each item and so on. I'm going for completionist on this. I mean I'll probably get to the stage of having cows and sheeps and get bored and want something new :P

I'm a brunette in this but I just love that cover art! My cat is Cifa (because Cifa cat!), dog is Rufus, pony is Epona and I currently have eight chickens (all with different names including Trubbs a tribute to Trouble but that was too long for the system).

Anyway, loves to all!

Liffy xxxxxxxxx

Love is free and life is cheap and as long as I've got me a place to sleep

I went and saw Frank Turner on Saturday with a few folks (although it was just me and Tarq for the actual gig because we all arrived at different time and some of us had different types of tickets) but we were all at the same place at the same time and it was awesomes! I mean I got there after a 7hr shift (where there was no sitting) to a gig (with no sitting) and I was jumping up and down and dancing and shouting the songs (whoops, and now my throat is broken... but I'm actually ill as well) and it was awesome. He was so excellent live and definitely on my list to see again :D

But that was only a couple of days ago and I haven't been on here in aaaaaages. Since then I have changed my number and I'm now 24. There have been pandas, fireworks, stress, ill, more ill, happy occurrences, food, drinks, too much drinks, far too many rehearsals, scores left right and centre, singing, dancing, shoes, love, happiness, work, posh meals, flute concertos, dresses and orange tights.

I also discovered that safety lighters have good reason to be so, since I've just singed my thumb with it. Kinda hurt but seems fine now.

Actually there are some dilemmas happening. Firstly I do many rehearsals a week (6 at the last count if I make it to all of them in a week but that depends on work and if I am well enough), and then I want to see people outside rehearsals and to have nice relaxing times, but I have to fit in all the commission work that I'm doing that I don't have time to sort out my room (and the dining room because it's messy from the last bookmouldday) that it's in a permastate of untidy. I've lost my pokemon emerald that I bought ages ago and didn't have time to start and now would rather like to but it's nowhere to be found. Really what I need to do is completely empty my room and put things back slowly and all in the right places instead of in as many corners as a box room can have, and then the sides as well, and any space in the middle. I need to reorganise my shelves, pokemon cards, desk, floor, wardrobe but where is the time?! I don't know. I nearly always have a relatively clear doorway though because I constantly start tidying whenever I've had a hurricane day and couldn't work out what to wear and everything is on the floor, and then I don't have time, or I get bored or something else happens. But at least I can get into my room I guess :)

I'm very content though. In life. Right now. This instant. No lies. I don't know how that happened and probably tomorrow I'll be off on another emotion but today, even with everything ever that is there (mostly sneezing, not talking and snufflying) I'm content. I'm not famous, I'm not special in that regard. But I have people I love and people who love me and that is all that is really important. I know so many brilliant people, who make me insanely jealous of all their wonderfulness and stuff, and I'm so lucky to have all of that. I'm contentedly overwhelmed. I used to think 'why me? why do people stay with me and talk to me?" but now it's "well why not?". This isn't arrogance (at least not intentionally) but just acceptance that I'm not that bad a person. I try hard to be nice and to not make people sad. I try to help when I can so actually it's ok. I don't need to worry about why people are there. They are. Accept it. Enjoy it. Have a great fucking time :D I mean I still stress out all the time about everything ever but I'm also ok with a lot of things too.

I am also a panda heroine. Srsface. :| It's what makes me awesome. 

You know what I like? Trees, books, flowers, dry crisp days, the future, christmas, dreams, sleeping but waking up to snuggles, music, laughing, pokemon, pandas, candy, masterchef. omg I love masterchef! It's so good and the general public can't mess it up by voting for whoever is the prettiest because it's a cookery programme and so it's people who know their stuff who choose who stays and who goes. There was a man who made a carrot cake in a plant pot. It was amazing! I wish the BBC put people's recipes (the ones that work) on the internet so people can make the things themselves. I would totally make potted carrot cake for people I know. I even know where I can get little pots from. And tin buckets! In all different colours. Could have a whole series of cute baked goods in quirky cases. I think in the tin buckets I'd put paper cases though because I don't know how the metal would effect the taste. Wouldn't want it to taste bad because that would be sad.
Although I don't want to be a chef like that. I would rather like to do confectionery. I have a book. I have a thermometer (very important). I just need a marble slab and a heavy copper pan and I can get started on most of hte basics. Well ok I'll need ingredients too but htat part is kinda obvious. I don't like cooking big things like cakes or meal dishes. I mean they're ok but not really my thing. I like making cupcakes because they're little and fun and you can put random things in and they taste awesome. My favourite is to put jam or lemon curd in them. It makes them soft and moist and flavoursome without resorting to artificial flavours. And if the jam has fruities in it then you get chunks of strawbs or whatever you chose. Or you can put the jam in the icing. Both work :D if you put jam in the sponge they don't go stale as quickly because they aren't dry to begin with. But I like making sweet things and little things. Much more interesting. I might try making biscuits because I'm meant to make some for the work "do" because we all have to take things. I reckon this means a trip round the different cookery shops/parts of shops to get some christmas themed cutters! I'll probably try to make a double batch and keep some at home for family and friends.

The only problem with that food is that it rots your teeth and is very calorific. I know you shouldn't worry too much about that kind of thing but practise means perfect and practise means lots of sweetythings to eat and eat and eat. But good fun times. And if they were good enough I could give them to people as presents and then it'd be cool because they'd be different to the ones in the shops and awesome.

Like I said I like dreaming.

I had an epic plan for a thing but now I think I might be too ill to pull it all off. Gonna try though :D it'll be exciting if it works. I'm not a planning type but some things just feel like they should happen, you know what I mean?

Tomorrow I'm going to try and sort some things out to make life even more awesome. Today I feel all the love and contentness for everything and everyone. I have some plans and some interesting things to think about over the next couple of weeks to try and put into motion. Most of which will never see fruition but if even one or two things happen then maybe the others will happen in time. I always say tomorrow. Technically this will happen today. I best sleep so I can get on with my plans. I think my brain is all bzzzted out. I can see my 24th year being awesome (although I just wondered is it not technically my 25th year since your first year doesn't have a number? Ummm... well this year anyway :D). You know what will make it awesome? I will. I will make sure it is awesome because of everything and everyone. So I will and you will. We will make it awesome come hell, high water or any other obscure weather this country would like to try!

I have love, I have life, I have a bed (or two), clothes and food. I don't need anything more.

Until next time,

all of the loves

Buttercup xxxxxxxxxxx

I will ride, I will fly, chase the wind and touch the sky

I don't really remember how much time has passed since my last blog. It says the last post was 25th June but that doesn't mean an awful lot in real money to me. I have a few milestones but they all seem to happen in one lump at the start of August and really nothing happened in July.

• My books acquired mould again, very much against what I had hoped but that is the way life is. I still don't have my primary bookshelves anymore, which makes my room look bigger but sader because books are lovely! It chose to occur when no-one was at home except for me (of course) and so that was hella stressface all over!
• Printing orchestral scores is a pain in the arse and highly stressful too. I don't recommend it to anyone (unless you are a professional printer or you enjoy inducing stress in your life, in which case by all means and do you fancy doing mine in the future?). However the scores looked pretty good even with the few hiccups that occurred, but we'll know better for next time :D
• Putting one half of my first pet to sleep. This was very much the most traumatic and it was worse because parents weren't home to deal with such issues (so I made Jonaface deal with the vets for me) and Tarq was in all day rehearsals which he couldn't miss. Her sister is still with me but I worry that she's going to get les mis (because rattybums do so). I still love her to pieces though.
• Iolanthe. After all that stress and sad the show was pretty good. I'm still apprehensive about it but mostly because I just wish I could do better. However I have been told that it sounded and looked fabulous so that's all that really matters :D that and everyone seemed to have a fantastic time! In fact I'm going to elaborate a little on Iolanthe thoughts right here and now but in a haphazard sort of way :P

Score carrying, constant rechecking, front seat, Panda driving, Les Miserables belting and half casting, over the mountain, through little villages, remeeting and new meeting, little cottage, spiral staircases, lots of talking, fun times and laughing, expensive taxi, cosy bedding, early morning, detour breakfast (not open, back to tescos), flute and piccolo playing, photo taking, wrists breaking, parent meeting, performance time, new dress (very exciting), avoiding anyone in white, pretty sure lunch was somewhere, showtime starting, not bad overture, photos midperformance, MD missing, 2nd act, applause, packing up, get out quick, dump stuff, Panda, pubtime talking, soup snack eating, chinese foodles, tastynom, travel back home with acquired Annak, sleep times again, lazy start, dreams are shattered and ice cream is dust, dreams reborn, TINY TRAIN, sweetie shop, breakfast time, 14 rolls and 16 rolls, old books and dice, new books and maps, Penistone and being sworn at by locals, tiredout, home time.

• Started second job, it was pretty good and easy enough (we were on a quiet bar that served the boxes so there was minimal customer contact). Hoping to get many more shifts but certainly don't have enough hours to move out yet >:( it is all of the rubbish.

Those are all the things that I think I have done of note recently. I haven't really been up to much, taking a break from G&S because MY GOD too much in one week much! Although I do miss G&S uni group and it's weekly rehearsals and seeing those people and I miss G&S second group (I don't remember if I gave names anywhere but I try not to use any names ever in anything because I enjoy it :P) and the people there, I will be very much glad when it all starts up again even though that means stresstastic times for me as I have two scores currently in progress and another two that may or may not make an appearance (one my brother is dealing with... aaaat some point and the other isn't confirmed yet). This whole G&S malarky seems to take over lives and I swore I wouldn't let it happen but it has and I'm not 100% complaining :P not yet anyway!

Last night I was lying in bed and my brain was composing. I was writing music and I thought to myself, should I get up (even though I've already gone to bed and am starting to go to sleep) and write and write and write (or possibly sit in front of a computer screen and curse my inability to create the things that are in my head even though they are there and waiting) or sleep at a decent time (like I have been for quite a few nights now) and hope that inspiration does not desert me. I chose the latter and inspiration did indeed desert me like a stealthy thing in the night. WHICH IS A MAJOR BOTHER! *mental salute to Maj. B* I am forever losing these moments and yes I should have just got out of bed and hoped that I wasn't still working on things until 4am but I didn't and blah!

It was after watching Brave (which, by the way, made me cry more than once because I am a sap and Pixar are just too good at everything) and the whole folky music style thing which I've been wanting to do for ages because I've been contemplating writing music with a purpose but haven't quite got round to doing anything about it. Maybe I should do some concept arts on the matter and make an immersive world and scenes and stuff and compose to that but anyway, it got me totally wired and thinking about stuff that I wanted and I was getting little riffs and instrumentation and linking phrases from one to the other and it was awesome and now it's all gone (verysadface).

Brave reminded me that I wanted to learn Gaelic (technically I wanted to learn Irish Gaelic because I love Clannad's music but Scottish Gaelic would be just as fun). Actually one thing I didn't quite get was the ages of people when they were young. Those three tiny boys, I have no idea how old they are meant to be but they seem older than their stature would make you presume. They are brilliant though. The whole thing is wonderful and I'm so glad that they made it.

I'm also hella glad that I've ordered the ost already so that when it arrives I can listen to it and hopefully be inspired. I'll have to work fast on concept arts and things for what I want to do although whether I can get everything done in time is another matter.

I also want to try and plan another NaNoWriMo but I don't know if I can, at least not in time for this November, but it's always worth trying, if I don't start now then November will be here and then it will be too late to plan for this one but too early to pressure me into planning for the next one. I'm just not sure where or when I want to set. I mean I never specify in any of my stories on that matter but is it a dystopian future, a rural past, a parallel to our own time? This planetesque? Outer spaceesque? I have a few, really I should work on L'u and Dust but I worry it's too similar to other stories I know but since I'm never going to publish it does it really matter? I worry I don't have enough to get me going but then even though I planned Snow for about 3 years I didn't know a lot about the story until I started NaNo. Will I jsut end up recycling characters too much? Will I always have an emphasis on music even accidentally that it bores people?

I should really finish Snow. I mean it has beginning, middle and end but somewhere in the middle it got to the bit that I couldn't be bothered to write out fully and so I did it in note form. I mean I still hit 50k in the month but it's not a complete novel currently and it's been a couple of years since I tackled it so I might be ok delving back into it. I should also look at what material I can salvage from previous writings, I have so many snippets, mostly from the same type of universe, that I should try and bring, at least the ideas from, together. I don't want to be a writer, many of my friends either do or have gone through that as an idea, but I don't want to be a writer at all. I don't really want to have a job that relies too much on a constant stream of creativity. I just want to get ideas flowing, concepts brewing, world creating!

I'm just finishing the fourth (and final?) book in an excellent "twilight" series:

I was rather surprised 1. with the fact that for once Blogger has let me place the covers in the correct order with minimal fuss (comparatively) and 2. that this Russian series has a lot more to offer than the first film shows. If I remember correctly the first film is actually the first third of The Night Watch (the book) (although I was aware of something that happened in The Day Watch (book) that I think happens in TNW (film) which kinda confused me). It is certainly an interesting series and ok, yes, yet again we have magicians, witches, vampires and werewolves (and others) but it seems to be covered in a thick dusty layer of realistic grey and brown (like so many computer games these days that are known as "gritty realism"). However this does not detract from it (actually it is very much more grey than brown based on the twilight levels but that is something that should be read about and not spoilerised) and certainly takes away all this Disneyfication that fantasy has taken to doing currently (I'm thinking Harry Potter, Twilight and all that spawned after it). Although yes those books are for children/YA but this (whilst only found in the sci-fi/fantasy section in book shops, well away from YA/kids etc.) isn't exactly difficult to read and could have gone down the whole vampires are misunderstood/evil route but kind of sits in the middle of vampires are just vampires like people are just people. Not everyone is "evil" even if they are Dark and not everyone is "good" even if they are Light. It doesn't do a whole lot of moral stories though, just that people (or in this case Others) are just as unfortunate and messed up as everyone else. They are branded as one type or another but means about as much as the branding of a football team in the reality of everything. It's very good and the covers are excellent, imo.

I only had the first and the last to begin with. I had picked up the first I think new from Waterstones or somewhere, probably in a sale or in a special offer, because it was pristine and it is unlikely that you get those from secondhands. The last was a charity shop buy (Oxfam if I remember correctly but that might be a fabrication). When I started on the first and discovered that I was enjoying it I jumped straight onto amazon.co.uk and bought the next one (and then the third even though it would have made more sense to buy both at the same time but I'm trying really, really, really hard not to buy new books currently so though it best to wait and see on the matter and it came almost just in time for me to start reading after finishing the second book). One of the most interesting things about it though is less on the stories (which are good) and the writing (which is also very nice) but that when it mentions a thing that occurred in another book there is an asterisk and a note telling you where this information comes from. It happens not too often that you want to hit either the author, or the translator, or the publisher for allowing it to be on the page, but just often enough that it jogs memories when things are mentioned. My favourite one (and so far has only happened once and I'm half way through the second story of book 4) is on page 78 of The Last Watch:

"This story is told in the movies Night Watch and Day Watch."

I was amused :3

I've probably wittered enough for now (and maybe the next couple of months or so :P) and I want to try and finish this book tonight because things are getting intense and it's exciting! Maybe next time a little less rambly and a few more pictures? Although my blogs are nearly always more a higher ramble to picture ratio, I think it's just the way I am (and I use this as a omg-all-of-my-brain-be-out-on-this-digitalised-form-of-paper).

Love and fluffythings,

Buttercup xxxxxxxxx

It just takes some time, little girl, you're in the middle of the ride

Today I finally became a member of the WWF (the panda people not the wrestling people) and also adopted a panda at the same time. I mean obviously I haven't adopted an actual panda (although that would be epicness in the extreme) but £3 of my money a month goes specifically towards pandas and £3 goes towards general conservation. That's £6 (although I do not doubt anyone's mathematical skills here except my own) and when I told mama that she was surprised and said it was a lot. But I considered this... that's less than one hour of work a month. It's between 2 and 4 drinks at a bar (at least it is for my drinks :P). It's nothing. I don't know why I haven't done it sooner, I just keep putting everything off until tomorrow and tomorrow never seems to come for those things so slowly working through the things in life that I want to do. Part of that is saving pandas. 

I can't wait until my little panda toy comes in the post.  I'll need to think of an awesome name for it.

I will also admit that I love red pandas too. They can be just as cute but look nothing like pandas. The name is somewhat misleading.

They're kinda raccoony. Very cute though and the ones I saw in London loved to sleep ALL THE TIME (that we were there anyway), lazy buggers.

I'm feeling pretty awesome recently. Medication is only required sporadically now and things are happy. Currently my blogname is a little inaccurate but I don't want to tempt fate too much :P But really I am more (on average) content than I have been in a very long time. The only bad thing about life right now is that I don't have enough time (that is useful) to see Blue and other peoples. That is the main problem with societies and rehearsals and shows and concerts, I have too many of them all the time at the times when other people (apart from those in the said socs etc.) are free to meet ups and when I do finally have a day off I just want to hermitise and not see people to catch up with everything else ever that I need to do here at home.

I'm looking at getting a second job (waiting back on an interview I just had so fingers crossed) which yay more money and yay I might plausibly be able to move out if I get enough hours (although it looks unlikely and thus I will need a third job before I can do that ¬¬) but serious boo because I won't be able to see people even more than I do currently. I'm hoping that summer hols will give me some extra time to catch up with folks.

There are not enough hours in the day or elsewise it would be beneficial if sleep was not a requirement of life.

Life is a funny thing, we spend so many hours wasting our time procrastinating and then we discover that we don't have enough hours in the days left to do everything we want to. It is both hideously short and plausibly the longest thing we will ever know (afterlife may or may not be included subject to availability). I wish life was a bit like a game like Persona4 where you can complete the game and then restart it with all your skills from the previous game so that you could just concentrate on one thing and then be able to do more next time round, if you so desired to do things that way. I wouldn't change the route only how much I do. To be honest I don't even particularly regret the procrastination (which would be my only regret if I had such things).

Loves to all, Lif xxxxxx