I'd actually be very much ok with that. In fact I might make myself a little label...
That's how ok I am with dreaming. Ok so it's a rubbish little thing I did in photoshop in about 5 minutes (lies it took like 15 but 10 minutes of that was trying to choose a font and even now I'm not happy with this one but meh).
The point is is that I've kinda realised why I want to be a *whispers* music artist. Actually firstly I'll explain why I use music artist instead of say; musician, artist, singer, band member etc. (also I've stopped whispering :P). I don't use musician because in my mind it's either too broad (although it negates my whole point because anything in that list can be thought of as too broad when really I could probably narrow it down with the type of person I am just with the use of a genre) or that it makes me think of people in orchestras or wind bands. You know, a very school thought process of musician. I know it's silly but it's how my brain works (even though The Spice Girls, Korn, The London Philharmonic are ALL musicians it's just not the right term for me). Normally I like the term artist but that is even woolier because unless you know it's specifically to do with music you wouldn't necessarily think of anything but the kind who paints, or draws, or makes sculptures (etc.). But essentially that is what I wish to create. Art. Not crazy art music in the sense of 20th century compositions, although that would be really fun too. But something beautiful.
Note; this is just my definitions on art and stuff. I'm not opening political debates on Tracey Emin or the eternal "what is art?" but that is what I think. Art is beautiful even if it isn't obviously so.
I can probably narrow my field into a subgenre of pop/singer-songwriter. I can see that if I were to do anything on these lines that is where I would fall. Probably with electro hints, maybe some indie influences (this is in the way it is a style now and less of what it means). I'd love to put some rock in there, scene-emoid-rock. I'd like layers, some choral work, some harmony, some chiptune, industrial, shoegazing, minimalism, ambience. Really everything that I love listening to. But here is the thing (and it is a quote from my tumblr originally from less than an hour ago):
"I don’t care if i’m never famous, if I’m never a somebody. None of that really matters. I just want to create something beautiful. So long as I do that it’ll all be worthwhile.
And if that one beautiful thing makes one person feel happy and even possibly better about themselves as a person then I have done more than I would ever dream possible.
Be alive. Keep running."
The last sentence is an obvious reference to Sing by MCR but the interesting point is that they influenced that entire thought. Whilst it was created after watching the official video for The Kids From Yesterday it was somewhat brought forwards by remembering the fan video (of the same track) that was the main influence for the official vid (they asked the creator of the fan vid to help them make their official one which is so wonderful). I've provided a link to both, the fan video was produced first and is the most important one really but it's nice to see the clips of live footage and other videos that the band put together for their video. When you know that at least two members (Gerard and Mikey) have suffered severe depression in the past up until The Black Parade era and you see them now it's just so lovely. But seriously the fan vid gives me goosebumps every time I watch it. They're the same song so sorry if that bit bores you. Just, it's just wow. The last bit, at the end of the fan vid, it's a quote that Frank wrote on his MCR blog after the released Danger Days, read it. You might have to pause the video (I certainly did at least once) but it's also important. Art is the weapon.
The point is is that I would love to make one person feel good about themselves the way that MCR do for me. I mean I guess you could say "hey make something really crap looking and someone will look at it going 'yeah I can make something better than that and so now I feel better about myself'" but that isn't really feeling better about yourself (or at least I don't find it does). It's like listening to a really good piece of music and it making you smile just because it makes you feel that great. It's listening to that piece of music and it making you feel like you are worth something and that, ok so they're famous people and don't know you, but that you are worth a damn. It's the kind of music that makes you put down that compass or knife or other sharp implement and makes you want to dance and do something else. That makes things worth just that little bit more even if it is just them telling you that they're not ok either.
I probably sound ridiculous but that's fine.
The thing is I doubt I could create anything that's worth as much as Sister Hazel and MCR are to me. But why shouldn't I be able to? This is where I am a dreamer and I know it but the main point that I should take from that is to take the dreaming to another level. Maybe trying to bring it to life. Just trying and see where it gets me. I know I can compose some ok music. I know that that is a thing. I got a 2:1 overall for my compositions in my final year. Those aren't bad marks.
There is one thing that I need to improve on though and that is lyric writing. It doesn't help that I mostly feel like a wazzak writing lyrics because ultimately I feel like 15 year old emo me. I can come up with some pretty ok single lines that sound obscure and wonderful but anything more, putting two or three lines together, just don't work. And then once I do that it's getting music and words to fit together.
It's so tricky.
I'd quite like to start a band but I don't know enough people who would want to band with me. I don't have songs that I could go "hey people I have these, let's go". I mean that would be fab but I also don't know anyone who would want to start a rock band with me. But hey, if you're reading this and are thinking "I was wondering the same thing as you" then seriously geti n touch and maybe we could do something. I mean we can always have a go :D.
Another option is to start with dance type music. More instrument driven then lyric driven and build up from there. I already want to write some dubstep type music at some point and with that you can remix or sample from other people's music very easily and make a fabulous piece of music. At the moment I'm very into any type of danceish music. We went to an industrial night at our rock club and Blue and I danced quite continuously for about 3 hours, and this was very energetic dancing (still feeling a little bit of that work out still). That music was moving people. Not just that they wanted to have a little groove. These people were really into it and none of us cared if we looked like numpties. We were throwing our arms around, jumping up and down, side to side. Everything was good. It's all just wonderful. I'm hoping that we go back, I mean I could go back by myself but it's best with Blue.
The other thing that I want to do is I want to work into my dissertation. I was talking to my brother about it and he was actually rather encouraging about it. I thought it was terrible, terribly written, too waffly, too many subjects in such a small space of time, just not good enough. But he said it was actually really interesting. I mean the topic helped but maybe it wasn't all that bad? Maybe it is worth going back to it, doing more research, working into it. I would love to do a MMus on it (that and composition of ambient music, music for a purpose or to enhance an experience (a lot like the stuff that my dissertation is on) such as that of gameplay music). I'd love to take it to PhD level but I can't justify the money spending on a further degree or two for something that isn't going to give me a certain (or semi-certain) job at the end. But I definitely want to work into it again. I've had a few requests from people to read it which is quite... well shocking for me. I didn't expect that but then again there aren't that many people writing about video game music so I guess it was because of that. The best part is that research involves playing old games because I'm not just looking at the music. I'm not going to be sitting looking at the score or listening intently to iTunes writing every note that passes by and analysing it. That can be interesting but then all I'm doing is looking at music and it doesn't matter on the source. I'm looking at interaction and integration between the music and the game. But that's all for me to write in my dissertation and when I am even happier with it I might get it rebound. Maybe I'll put a postit on the front of my old one and write [beta] on it :3. The next can be 1.0.0 ver.
Now I just need to find time and motivation at the same time. Such an annoyance!
Lemons and love, Buttercup
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
p.s. Even though it's really frosty-cold right now Trouble seems to be doing fine. I was worried she'd freeze to death since we're in minus figures at night and the frost is lasting almost all day even in sunlight but she seems to be doing fine :3
