Cat, cat where have you been?

 I've been to the castle to look at the Queen.

So a family friend who is totally into G&S operettas suggested that I had a listen to Merrie England (by Edward German and Basil Hood (yes I put the composer first!)). I remembered seeing a couple of vocal scores for it at the local second hand bookshop so after work I pootled along and picked up a very lovely condition copy for not very much money.

I then downloaded Spotify (again, not sure why it wasn't on my computer... it used to be). and proceeded to listen to the first version I found.

I'm highly confused.

Firstly by the plot. I have no idea what happens. There's love, I know that much, and someone that people don't like and Queen Elizabeth and a lot of singing about Robin Hood for a while. I guess it doesn't help that there was no libretto in the recording but the songs didn't make a lot of sense either.

I also spent most of the time being confused because it isn't Sullivan. I didn't realise how set Sullivan is in his composition. You hear G&S and generally you can tell it's that. Yup there's another one! Off it goes being what it is. This is similar, there's the solo lines, the chorus, the orchestra. The four part harmony in chorus. But it's weird. The tunes don't quite follow the same patterns, the harmony goes in slightly different directions, the chords and key changes are just... strange when all you are used to is G&S (and very much from the music aspect of life).

By the end I was bobbing along because the refrain of "hey Robin, jolly, jolly Robin" is bloody catchy.

One really interesting thing I noted was that often it wasn't the higher line that was optional but a lower line. Sullivan liked to give the option of higher notes for soloists (especially the soprano lines) but often they would be little notes as an option but if you can't do them, hey it's ok, we aren't judging you (yes we are) they were just optional. In here there are a lot of high notes for not just soloists but chorus too! One solo line (optional this time and a cadenza part either vocally done or played by clarinet, in the recording it was sung) went upto a top Eb! (I think the technical term is Eb6 but it's three ledger lines above the stave) and although a fleeting passage and an optional one at that I was impressed that it was there to begin with. That's very very high stuff!

I would quite like to see Merrie England performed now actually, to see if any of it makes more sense than the rather fuzzy crackly recording that I could get (with a few cuts in which meant that the madrigal (and yes there is a madrigal) didn't have the verse with nonny nonny in it which was a shame) and see if the lib makes sense and if it is funny. That's the thing: they are comic operas. I would usually term them operettas due to the use of libretto and not singing start to finish but at the front of the score states "A new and original comic opera". And thus it should be at least amusing. Or that you can see how people might have found it funny way back when because some of the jokes don't really make sense now, depending on how you play it.

That's another point. Some people take these things far far FAR too seriously. They are comedies. Sure they have sad bits where you shouldn't laugh because the person is heartbroken or whatever and that is the sad part of the show but there is always the twist of the story at the end. The comedic parts (normally baritone) who lighten the mood. The minor interjections of asides that the cast aren't privy to but the audience can see all that is going on making the scenario all the sillier. And yet people sometimes believe that you should sit in silence and applaud at the right moment at the end of a song for an appropriate length of time. My god you must live a boring life! It would be like going to see Billy Connolly and clapping at the end of a long joke to show that you approve of what has just happened. Imagine not laughing! This is the first modern equivalent that I could come up with but I guess it works.
I have to admit I don't always get the jokes but if you have a good enough cast then you can normally laugh because you see their reactions to all of it so you know it was rude or whatever. And thus you laugh because their character is insulted by the whole thing.

I must admit I am yet to see the funny side of Merrie England but then like I said I didn't really understand a great deal of what was going on. Staging does help.

I would like to listen to some more of these things I think. Not just G&S but I do believe that out of all of them it is G&S I will return to most, and in particular the S part. What can I say, I am music driven and thus when it comes down to it I will be a Sullivanite over a Gilbertian, but often one goes in hand with the other better than without the other. I wonder what it is I like about their shows though. Maybe it's just because I've been in them and not others. Who knows.

I should really get back to editing Patience though... it needs to be done.

Go listen to something different, you might surprise yourself,

loves,

Buttercup xxxxx

Another world outside that's full of all the broken things that I made

So I've been watching this a little obsessively. Actually that's kind of a lie, I've been listening to the album version of the track which is a different video but the official video is quite interesting. I really rather like Deadmau5. Some of their stuff is a bit repetitive but on the whole it's a nice sound and has some really interesting beats.

I especially like that Gerard Way is doing the lyrics because I love his voice. I'm also very much looking forward to the album when it comes out because there is a track with Imogen Heap on it and that is (I hope) going to be excellent :D.

It's music that makes me want to dance.

I've been reading many, many books recently. I have had a book since I was back in middle school that Lomyr bought me and and I never read because it was hard and there were no chapter breaks and very few section breaks and I would always forget what had been happening because it was a slow sort of book (but not a bad one). Anyway that is called The Midnight Folk and I finally finished it. So, thought I, I better get the sequel, The Box Of Delights, and read that sooner rather than later because otherwise I'll not remember the first one and then things will get complicated. Whilst I waited for that to turn up from amazon I read the first two books of the Chronicles Of Ancient Darkness (of which until recently I only had book 2 and 4, but the Oxfam bookshop had the correct cover first book in for only £3 and I snaggled that). They were super quick to read and excellent too. The type that you can't put down and you finish within a day because one, they are children's books/young adult (I don't know where they lie in that area) and thus they have no complicated language or phrasing and everything just fits nicely, and two, the stories were fabulous.

I went back to the Oxfam shop and picked up the remaining books that I don't have so when I finish TBoD I can finish that series too (quite possibly within this week, which for me is amazingly fast. I must have concentration currently).

 

Annoyingly my Spirit Walker appears to be slightly larger than the other and my Outcast is a hardback but all copies are in these pretty covers :D

What is interesting about TBoD is the fact that I know the story so well. Every Christmas we used to watch the film of the book and even now when I read it the voices are so ingrained that I can hear quite a few of them and some of the phrases I can hear perfectly (because surprisingly the film seems to have stuck so closely to the book). It's so much easier to read with already knowing how everything goes (although I don't remember the end very well so that should be awesome). Also there are chapters and I like chapters because they give me a page count to aim for within the book rather than just the overall page count at the end.

I'm also back to copying Princess Ida in the hopes that I can start The Grand Duke this weekend. I always seem to have lots of things on and nothing at all, at the same time. My time is weird and I don't understand it at all. So currently I'm filling it all with lots of reading. I'm on target to have read, on average, one book a week for this year which is awesome because I hoped I would be able to do that. Read more of the books I have so I can justify buying lots more new books :D an neverever ending cycle of lots of books! 

I've just noticed it's WEDNESDAY! Might give you a cheeky Wishlist even though I haven't in ages!

Non-transitive (awesome blue one).

I like dice :D in particular, interesting ones and opposites.

Technically I just want to go out dancing but fluffies are pretty awesome!

Baby woluf hat so howling at the moon is even more awesome! Possibly a fluffy one would be better though.

Loves and taters

Buttercup xxxxx

And he made a little fiddle of her own breast bone

I found a thing on tumblr and I was just going to tell you about it but here is a link as well because then it makes my job a lot easier and less boring, also pi'tures :D

The thing I found on tumblrs!

Anyway the whole thing made me realise that whilst I believe that three of the best sammiches in the world are the following; ham & pease pudding, peanut butter & cucumber and ham, carrot & cucumber (ones for on a regular basis made with standard food found in the fridge), I certainly do not make interesting sandwiches ever. Most of the time I only make peanut butter ones because I feel like if I'm going to have bread it might as well have filling. (I do often, frequently, actually frequently, just eat ham straight from the packet because om nom and I always find that ham (unless you make an actual doorstop of the stuff) is really easily lost in flavours within sandwiches... it is also partially because I am lazy and that is easier and also bread is very stodgy).

I keep misplacing hairbobbles and this is a bother! Why do they always disappear all the time. Also why has insomnia returned? I was doing so damned well too!

Normally when I'm out and about and fancy a sandwich type dealy (normally this is a toastie or a panini) it is majoratively ham and cheese (although the last was BBQ chicken, bacon and cheese which was nomalicious!) (Found a hair bobble which makes life much better with hair off my face and neck). But so this website has made me think, it would be awesome to make interesting mini sandwiches (mini because it makes it more of a challenge and I don't feel overstodged with bread) but I can't think of cool ideas and it would require ingredients and things. I am pretty lazy after all, maybe I'll just imagine awesome sandwiches instead. Like I imagine making awesome cakes and then don't because Jona is better at making cakes and I just feel a tad fail in the end.

Two albums arrived over the past couple of days; Brave OST and Julie Fowlis -Uam (who is on the Brave OST)

I realise that I'm a little obsessed with Brave currently and while I do hope this will wane a little I don't really mind if it doesn't at all. However it is JF that I am mostly considering here. On Brave she sings in English (which was weird because Uam came first and thus I listened to that first), on Uam (which means 'from me') she sings approximately half a song in English and the rest in Scottish Gaelic. As part of the lyrics booklet there are both the lyrics and the English translations which is actually pretty awesome.

The music is lovely and folky and has some excellent folky harmonies and there is one piece that is a capella which is wonderful (Ho bha mi, he bha mi - it has accents on the o and the e but I can't be bothered to find them on here). I definitely want more of her stuff as it is very chilled but also awesome.

I've been having thinking on writing. It may be a story within the world of Snow but completely nothing to do with that at all but maybe just set in a similar world instead because it may be too hard to link them properly without going back and reworking a lot of things (which I can do if it bothers me I guess but isn't a necessity because no one will know but me :P) and as far as I can tell there is magic and dragons because these things are awesome. I also want it to be set northwards. Hills and mountains and forests and snow (not Snow but the weather variety that he is named after although I guess if it is the same 'realm' then it would plausibly be someone like Snow causing that... aaaaahh complicated!). It's purely writing my own escapism but that's cool with me :) Since I have an area that helps me a little, I have a couple of characters forming, no names which is a bother, but hopefully they'll solidify a little. I have absolutely no plot at all :D as far as I'm concerned it can be a free for all!

Until later, loves

Buttercup xxxxxxxx

I will ride, I will fly, chase the wind and touch the sky

I don't really remember how much time has passed since my last blog. It says the last post was 25th June but that doesn't mean an awful lot in real money to me. I have a few milestones but they all seem to happen in one lump at the start of August and really nothing happened in July.

• My books acquired mould again, very much against what I had hoped but that is the way life is. I still don't have my primary bookshelves anymore, which makes my room look bigger but sader because books are lovely! It chose to occur when no-one was at home except for me (of course) and so that was hella stressface all over!
• Printing orchestral scores is a pain in the arse and highly stressful too. I don't recommend it to anyone (unless you are a professional printer or you enjoy inducing stress in your life, in which case by all means and do you fancy doing mine in the future?). However the scores looked pretty good even with the few hiccups that occurred, but we'll know better for next time :D
• Putting one half of my first pet to sleep. This was very much the most traumatic and it was worse because parents weren't home to deal with such issues (so I made Jonaface deal with the vets for me) and Tarq was in all day rehearsals which he couldn't miss. Her sister is still with me but I worry that she's going to get les mis (because rattybums do so). I still love her to pieces though.
• Iolanthe. After all that stress and sad the show was pretty good. I'm still apprehensive about it but mostly because I just wish I could do better. However I have been told that it sounded and looked fabulous so that's all that really matters :D that and everyone seemed to have a fantastic time! In fact I'm going to elaborate a little on Iolanthe thoughts right here and now but in a haphazard sort of way :P

Score carrying, constant rechecking, front seat, Panda driving, Les Miserables belting and half casting, over the mountain, through little villages, remeeting and new meeting, little cottage, spiral staircases, lots of talking, fun times and laughing, expensive taxi, cosy bedding, early morning, detour breakfast (not open, back to tescos), flute and piccolo playing, photo taking, wrists breaking, parent meeting, performance time, new dress (very exciting), avoiding anyone in white, pretty sure lunch was somewhere, showtime starting, not bad overture, photos midperformance, MD missing, 2nd act, applause, packing up, get out quick, dump stuff, Panda, pubtime talking, soup snack eating, chinese foodles, tastynom, travel back home with acquired Annak, sleep times again, lazy start, dreams are shattered and ice cream is dust, dreams reborn, TINY TRAIN, sweetie shop, breakfast time, 14 rolls and 16 rolls, old books and dice, new books and maps, Penistone and being sworn at by locals, tiredout, home time.

• Started second job, it was pretty good and easy enough (we were on a quiet bar that served the boxes so there was minimal customer contact). Hoping to get many more shifts but certainly don't have enough hours to move out yet >:( it is all of the rubbish.

Those are all the things that I think I have done of note recently. I haven't really been up to much, taking a break from G&S because MY GOD too much in one week much! Although I do miss G&S uni group and it's weekly rehearsals and seeing those people and I miss G&S second group (I don't remember if I gave names anywhere but I try not to use any names ever in anything because I enjoy it :P) and the people there, I will be very much glad when it all starts up again even though that means stresstastic times for me as I have two scores currently in progress and another two that may or may not make an appearance (one my brother is dealing with... aaaat some point and the other isn't confirmed yet). This whole G&S malarky seems to take over lives and I swore I wouldn't let it happen but it has and I'm not 100% complaining :P not yet anyway!

Last night I was lying in bed and my brain was composing. I was writing music and I thought to myself, should I get up (even though I've already gone to bed and am starting to go to sleep) and write and write and write (or possibly sit in front of a computer screen and curse my inability to create the things that are in my head even though they are there and waiting) or sleep at a decent time (like I have been for quite a few nights now) and hope that inspiration does not desert me. I chose the latter and inspiration did indeed desert me like a stealthy thing in the night. WHICH IS A MAJOR BOTHER! *mental salute to Maj. B* I am forever losing these moments and yes I should have just got out of bed and hoped that I wasn't still working on things until 4am but I didn't and blah!

It was after watching Brave (which, by the way, made me cry more than once because I am a sap and Pixar are just too good at everything) and the whole folky music style thing which I've been wanting to do for ages because I've been contemplating writing music with a purpose but haven't quite got round to doing anything about it. Maybe I should do some concept arts on the matter and make an immersive world and scenes and stuff and compose to that but anyway, it got me totally wired and thinking about stuff that I wanted and I was getting little riffs and instrumentation and linking phrases from one to the other and it was awesome and now it's all gone (verysadface).

Brave reminded me that I wanted to learn Gaelic (technically I wanted to learn Irish Gaelic because I love Clannad's music but Scottish Gaelic would be just as fun). Actually one thing I didn't quite get was the ages of people when they were young. Those three tiny boys, I have no idea how old they are meant to be but they seem older than their stature would make you presume. They are brilliant though. The whole thing is wonderful and I'm so glad that they made it.

I'm also hella glad that I've ordered the ost already so that when it arrives I can listen to it and hopefully be inspired. I'll have to work fast on concept arts and things for what I want to do although whether I can get everything done in time is another matter.

I also want to try and plan another NaNoWriMo but I don't know if I can, at least not in time for this November, but it's always worth trying, if I don't start now then November will be here and then it will be too late to plan for this one but too early to pressure me into planning for the next one. I'm just not sure where or when I want to set. I mean I never specify in any of my stories on that matter but is it a dystopian future, a rural past, a parallel to our own time? This planetesque? Outer spaceesque? I have a few, really I should work on L'u and Dust but I worry it's too similar to other stories I know but since I'm never going to publish it does it really matter? I worry I don't have enough to get me going but then even though I planned Snow for about 3 years I didn't know a lot about the story until I started NaNo. Will I jsut end up recycling characters too much? Will I always have an emphasis on music even accidentally that it bores people?

I should really finish Snow. I mean it has beginning, middle and end but somewhere in the middle it got to the bit that I couldn't be bothered to write out fully and so I did it in note form. I mean I still hit 50k in the month but it's not a complete novel currently and it's been a couple of years since I tackled it so I might be ok delving back into it. I should also look at what material I can salvage from previous writings, I have so many snippets, mostly from the same type of universe, that I should try and bring, at least the ideas from, together. I don't want to be a writer, many of my friends either do or have gone through that as an idea, but I don't want to be a writer at all. I don't really want to have a job that relies too much on a constant stream of creativity. I just want to get ideas flowing, concepts brewing, world creating!

I'm just finishing the fourth (and final?) book in an excellent "twilight" series:

I was rather surprised 1. with the fact that for once Blogger has let me place the covers in the correct order with minimal fuss (comparatively) and 2. that this Russian series has a lot more to offer than the first film shows. If I remember correctly the first film is actually the first third of The Night Watch (the book) (although I was aware of something that happened in The Day Watch (book) that I think happens in TNW (film) which kinda confused me). It is certainly an interesting series and ok, yes, yet again we have magicians, witches, vampires and werewolves (and others) but it seems to be covered in a thick dusty layer of realistic grey and brown (like so many computer games these days that are known as "gritty realism"). However this does not detract from it (actually it is very much more grey than brown based on the twilight levels but that is something that should be read about and not spoilerised) and certainly takes away all this Disneyfication that fantasy has taken to doing currently (I'm thinking Harry Potter, Twilight and all that spawned after it). Although yes those books are for children/YA but this (whilst only found in the sci-fi/fantasy section in book shops, well away from YA/kids etc.) isn't exactly difficult to read and could have gone down the whole vampires are misunderstood/evil route but kind of sits in the middle of vampires are just vampires like people are just people. Not everyone is "evil" even if they are Dark and not everyone is "good" even if they are Light. It doesn't do a whole lot of moral stories though, just that people (or in this case Others) are just as unfortunate and messed up as everyone else. They are branded as one type or another but means about as much as the branding of a football team in the reality of everything. It's very good and the covers are excellent, imo.

I only had the first and the last to begin with. I had picked up the first I think new from Waterstones or somewhere, probably in a sale or in a special offer, because it was pristine and it is unlikely that you get those from secondhands. The last was a charity shop buy (Oxfam if I remember correctly but that might be a fabrication). When I started on the first and discovered that I was enjoying it I jumped straight onto amazon.co.uk and bought the next one (and then the third even though it would have made more sense to buy both at the same time but I'm trying really, really, really hard not to buy new books currently so though it best to wait and see on the matter and it came almost just in time for me to start reading after finishing the second book). One of the most interesting things about it though is less on the stories (which are good) and the writing (which is also very nice) but that when it mentions a thing that occurred in another book there is an asterisk and a note telling you where this information comes from. It happens not too often that you want to hit either the author, or the translator, or the publisher for allowing it to be on the page, but just often enough that it jogs memories when things are mentioned. My favourite one (and so far has only happened once and I'm half way through the second story of book 4) is on page 78 of The Last Watch:

"This story is told in the movies Night Watch and Day Watch."

I was amused :3

I've probably wittered enough for now (and maybe the next couple of months or so :P) and I want to try and finish this book tonight because things are getting intense and it's exciting! Maybe next time a little less rambly and a few more pictures? Although my blogs are nearly always more a higher ramble to picture ratio, I think it's just the way I am (and I use this as a omg-all-of-my-brain-be-out-on-this-digitalised-form-of-paper).

Love and fluffythings,

Buttercup xxxxxxxxx

I must be ahundred and nine, burning, burning, burning.

So... I'm having difficulty working out how to word all of this brainmush that's leaking out all over this metaphorical page. It's being a little impossible so I guess today we'll have to cope with my sporadic thoughts. There's just a bit more going on in there than usual.

First of all I've just finished an hour or so practising for the G&S summer show. There are some pretty tricky moments in a few of the pieces but there is one piece that is somewhat troubling me more than most and that's a piece from Floradora called "Tell Me Pretty Maiden" (not a G&S piece in case you were wondering and don't already know). In theory it's not that difficult. The issue is that it is on treble recorder and this is not an instrument that I am familiar with playing, certainly not before starting this piece. From what I can estimate using my knowledge of grade music for flute this is about grade 5 or 6 (guesstimation) which isn't bad going for someone who didn't know the fingerings for any notes until recently.

I mean it's obviously somewhat easier with the fact that I can already read music and I have a vague idea of how descant recorder works but the notes are all in the wrong place! It's so confusing >.< However I have been thinking, and it is a rather lovely instrument to play, that maybe I should learn some actual graded music. Not pass any grades because that's expensive and I would probably need a teacher and stuff, but just know the equivalent grade that I would be. Learn the scales, the music, maybe even buy some sight reading test books that instrument teachers seem to own, just to know the standard of that. I don't really need to go through the aural tests, I've done those to grade 8 flute.

I just think it would be nice to see how well I can do with it as an instrument. The main issue comes under which board I follow. Now most people would think that this only matters if you're actually taking the tests but if I follow ABRSM which is the standard in most schools, then I can just learn treble and everything is good. But if I follow The Royal Conservatory Of Music then for grade 1 I need to learn either descant or tenor and by grade 2 you can use a variety of different recorders. Later on you must use more than one recorder within your exam. So either route could be interesting and change things quite dramatically. I might learn via the ABRSM one until I can get more recorders. I only have a descant and treble right now but a tenor or a bass one would be pretty damned awesome.

I just think since I am putting quite a bit of effort in now it would be nice to carry it on with other pieces and maybe keep it open as an option for future shows.

 

I have a few projecty type ideas going on too. Something that isn't just music copying. I mean I'll have that for a while yet, quite possibly for a few years, but it would be nice to have things outside that. I want to get back to composition work. I always find it hard to motivate myself when I don't have an end goal. There will be no mark at the end and no teacher to guide me in my ideas. I would ask my friends to give me feedback but I'm always 100% nervous of everything that they might think ever and maybe they'll hate it and think I'm stupid. So... I'm not paranoid at all about that :P. I mostly just need to get to it and do things. Jump off the board and see what's at the bottom. I have half considered composing for the next couple of years and then maybe doing a masters in composition and dissertation but all of that is scary and I don't even know if I can still compose anymore.

I have some early saplings of beginnings of ideas. I'm trying not to rush them too much, because I tend to get caught up in the ideas for a week or so and then they leave. Part of the issue there though, is that the one main one I have in my mind currently will take a lot of prep work before actual composition so I don't know if it will get anywhere. Would be epicly good though if it did.

The other side of that is that I need to get some research in. My dissertation work would be within the realms of video game music but I still have no angle. No interesting theme or question to solve. I most just want to analyse. I enjoy looking at how themes have progressed over time or how the music from one game differs to another from its series but is still the same thoughts even if the composers are different and none of the notes are the same. I like looking at how they've developed a piece of music that originated on 8 bit into a full orchestral theme.I like listening to how they've made the music fit to what's happening on the screen. How they've used things in an interesting manner. It's the kind of stuff I want to compose. Music with a purpose, with recurring themes but also ambiance that, without the game or the image, might make little sense other than it is a series of rhythms and notes. I mean I don't need to do post-grad work to do any of that, I can just do it for fun, but it would be nice.

 

I've been enjoying the weather recently. It's a bit greyer at the moment but it's still very warm for me and it's nice. I like not having to wrap up in stupid amounts of layers just to feel almost human, rather than ice. It was even better when it was actual sunshine but then it was too hot in the kitchen and so work was kinda hellish.

One of my main issues with all the things I want to do; they all cost so much money! Ok some don't cost a great deal but if I'm to learn recorder better I need music and music costs money. Post-grad? That's a whole lotta money. That's part of the problem. I can't justify some of it moneywise and until I am in a comfortable enough position then I won't be able to. The recorder music I can acquire over time and it won't be very much which is good but I would certainly have to wait if I wanted to buy another recorder. We may be able to say "money doesn't matter" but it is required to do pretty much anything in life, and if you want to do a lot of things you need to acquire a lot of money. I know that this leads to the concept that I need another/different job that gives me more money but that's easier said than done. I'll have to do a blanket of CVs and kick start all of that all over again. It's a bit demoralising but needs to be done if I want more money and thus more freedom!

 

However I can enjoy reading and listening to music for free because I have so many books and unlistened to tracks (and failing that I still have dvds I haven't finished and games I haven't played) so I can do that whilst I save my money for awesome things. I'm meant to be saving and have £1k in savings by the end of the year but it does not look like that is going to happen. I just enjoy shopping too much...  If I'm to hit target starting next payment month I need to save £141 from each £250/300 payment I get... so I don't really see that happening at all. It's not including any birthday or christmas money that I might get. It is possible though. It's not like I actually do much, I just like shopping too much :P but I'm sure I can survive on £100 a month. I don't have rent or bills to pay. I just need to pay for travelling and food when I'm not at home... yeaaaaaaaaaah.

 

I've been trying to be more active. More exercise and things. It's difficult though because I am lazy and exercise is effort. I need somewhere where I can go dancing or something. Or maybe hathayoga. I never know where you can go for these things and then I get scared because I'll be going by myself and I won't know anyone and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH scrry biscuits! I think I would really enjoy yoga though. All stretches and things but still activey. I want to do one with a bit of movement although I have heard that it is very soothing to do in general and that would be nice. Stress relief and all that. But also feeling good about myself and getting endorphins and things. It would be all very good. Just need to motivate myself do go do! I'm getting there...

 

I'm also a lot happier currently than I have been in a long time. It's a nice feeling. Although sleeping still isn't working and now I'm cutting out my snacking habits so it might fall somewhat there. But let's work on the positives rather than the negatives! There should be no room made for negatives. Realisticness yes, unrequired negativity does not need to be in my presence. I like being happy.

There are some bads. There are some sads. But they will not overcome me. By the power of greyskull and all that nonsense. I'm just a bit optimistic today is all.

Hopefully next time I write it'll be at least a little bit of a picture round :)

All of the loves, Buttercup

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Here I am, here I am, on cloud eight and a half

So on Saturday it was Record Store Day. For those who do not know what this is (and don't worry I hadn't heard about it until this year) it's a day where record stores put on events and sell limited pressings of things, mostly vinyls.

I love the idea of this day and in theory I would have really enjoyed being at it but there is a slight issue with the fact that all the shops were crowded. it didn't help that it was a Saturday but normally places like Reflex and Beatdown have so few people in it's nice and quiet and enjoyable. Yeah, not on RSD. All the hipsters were out in force wanting to get their mitts on the overpriced (because it's vinyl and limited edition!) goods before anyone else can. Or, apparently, the people who want to extort the hipsters (or even just fans of that artist) further by buying up as much as they could and selling it on eBay. But it was a pretty enjoyable time and I did get a few things (including the two vinyls I had gone in for so that was the most important part).

So T-B, L-R: 

• Regina Spektor Sings Two Bulat Okudzhava Songs In Russian (Limited 7" white vinyl)
• Lanterns On The Lake: Low Tide (Limited 12" vinyl)
• Bridie Jackson and the Arbour: Bitter Lullabies (Not actually a RSD release but a local band who I caught playing in Reflex and were excellent with their folkiness and acousticy, violiny, double bassy, pretty hamoniness. Definitely want to see them again live (they're playing at the Leases Green festival :3)).
• She & Him: Volume One (Limited 12" Yellow vinyl)

I only went in for the first two (and I'm so glad I was able to get them, especially the LotL because they're a wonderful local group who I first heard supporting Explosions in the Sky and The Sage).

So far I can only listen to Bridie Jackson and She & Him because I ripping vinyls is not the easiest thing to do and only She & Him came with a free download code (MOST USEFUL! I think all vinyls should do that now!).

For those who know and understand Bridie Jackson sounds a lot like Beccy Owen, that should tell you what kind of music it is, kind of folky-pop-acoustic-gloriness. Listening to the album now and Promises Are Broken is actually amazing. It's a cappella choral and omgI'mgoingtodieofhowamazingthissounds! I love seeing a small band or something and then buying an album and discovering amazing new music to listen to that I wouldn't have otherwise. It's not like I can just stumble across them on amazon or something. It has a goddamn bassoon in it! I cannot wait to listen to the other wonders I picked up.

I do feel horrifically hipster going out and buying vinyl but I'm trying to work out why I have an aversion to that as a term or even, shock of all horrors, ever being labelled that. I think it's the people who make up the term. I mean I buy vinyls, I wear checky shirts and glasses that I don't need, I buy and use old SLRs and have a satchel. I know I'm stereotyping but isn't that what genreising people is? Just a series of things that they all seem to do? I try not to think about what "type" of person I am. I try not to label myself too much and not because I think I'm so original ( I mean I am but only so far as everyone is) but because I don't want to fall into mental trappings of thinking I can only like this because I am this person or that person. I mean I was talking to Blue about this and we have decided that we need so many different wardrobes of clothes for the different days and people we are on those days. While I think it's important sometimes to have labels just to have a starting point or a descriptor for conversation, I think that getting too bogged down in words is a bad thing.

I'm very much looking forward to summer. I want summer dresses in pretty colour. Sunshine and good music. I want lazy days with people I enjoy the company of. Beach days, barbeques, grab-the-guitar-and-sing-until-the-moon-comes-out, pimms, bare feet, bare legs, Buxton, Hamlet, parties.

I think I need to go and buy so many dresses and skirts, I don't have enough for this summer of awesome that I'm planning in my head!

All of the love and lemons, Buttercup xxxxxxx

It is easy in elegant diction to call it an innocent fiction.

So I've been pottering around this week, sometimes with purpose and other times just really aimlessly. Some of the things that have been happening (this will probably be a bit bitty as a post but I have a few things on my mind).

Firstly (ooh look and image :D I seem to be mostly just giving walls of text (WoT(TM)) at the moment so here is a piccy (although it is very old from the tail end of my flickr page)) I have started checking what music I have for flute copied into Sibelius and starting to copy up other pieces. I'm mostly focusing on the hard pieces because the easier ones are of little use except for nostalgia or if they're really pretty. I don't know what the piece is that is shown, I don't recognise it but it will have been something that I was doing at the time I took the photo many moons ago.

My main idea is to start playing again. I could have been pretty good at flute and piccolo but I left it at the wayside when flute lessons stopped and thus my attention to it waned. I mean it's starting to come back now that I play flute for some of the summer shows (and the music is pretty hard in places so I should really start practising asap on my hard music) and I can't do all the fast bits. I've never been good at fast pieces, my fingers get all mixed up, especially on piccolo, and I get easily flustered. If something goes wrong I find it hard to keep going.

The reason why I copy into Sib is that I can't work out rhythms by myself. I was never good at sight reading because I can't keep a steady beat. Sib helps in letting me play back a rough idea of what it should sound like. It's only rough because it sometimes doesn't understand grace notes too well and it puts no expression in. Computers, eh?

Another thing I've been doing is making a few bits and pieces for the show I'm in shortly (with Bette, Ralph and Hazy, although Bette and Ralph are also in another one which is sooner). I do love being in shows and I've become better at performing on stage but I still hate acting. I feel like a prat whenever I do anything so I end up standing there looking and feeling awkward. I love the singing though, and when dance moves are set. That's the bit I love the best. The running around looking concerned, excited or flirting? No, ta.

The show itself looks like it's going to be fabulous though. I shouldn't really be in it because I'm alumni but I'm so glad that I am. It's The Pirates of Penzance, which isn't one I've done or seen so that's good but it's also a great laugh. We have two directors, a choreographer and two musical directors which has been useful in some regards but also chaotic in others as everyone does things differently (even if only slightly) and that can cause slight confusion. It's worked out wonderfully though. I might bitch about having to go to rehearsals when I can't be arsed, about not having enough time to do this, that and the other, the amount of rehearsals when the show looms over, having to act, be on stage etc. but I will tell you this now: the three nights of show will never feel like enough and I will miss all of that when the final curtain closes and we all traipse off to get wonderfully pissed and sing G&S songs hideously drunkenly (probably in someone's kitchen somewhere). The people in G&S are wonderful and we always have a laugh in the end. I've made some really good friends over the years and that's really lovely.

There will be a feeling of loss when this show is over (as there always is) which will not be filled until the summer show (although I still have Iolanthe to finish copying up and help arrange, if our MD doesn't mind me giving my opinion in practical regards).

Kind of leading on from there I'm not sure how I feel about my voice. I don't think I have a very good voice at all for singing aside from in huge groups. :WARNING, this is not intended for sympathy/attention I'm just musing here: This issue I have is that my voice sounds weird to me. Like when I play it back or listen intently to it. I that this is standard for people but I find that my voice sounds weak and very much meh. But the weirdest part is that people seem to want me to sing. I know that I will never get a solo in a show (partially because of my non-existent acting skills and the fact that there are about 10 other people who are better than me at everything ever) and I'm really ok with that. I know of some people who would be grumpy if they did not get  role but I'm much happier without focus on me. 

Another thing that I have issues with is that I would like to record some music but then I have to contend with my voice. If I can get a DAW to work then I can go into electronica/pop type music and I can do all sorts of things with my voice and then it doesn't need to be great to begin with. I sometimes wish I was just more confident.

I was singing along to Les Miserables because mama was watching it and, partially didn't help that I was bent over a sewing machine at the time, I think I was kinda out for the whole thing. I can't really hit the highest soprano notes nicely anymore (I really need to practise that kind of thing because I used to be ok at that :/) and aside from some tiny bits everything sounded kinda crap when I was singing. It was kinda les mis making in itself. :(

But enough of the emoiding. I'm being rather introspective at the moment which doesn't help. Discovering things and stuff can be a bit of a boost in some regards and confusing in others, but again that's not for here.

I'm still working and it's going well although G has had to go on sick leave and the woman we have, A, is... different to what we're used to. She's not particularly bad but it's meaning that we're having to teach her the layout of the kitchen and stuff. It's a bother but nothing that isn't copeable with! :D

Not much else to report really, nothing I can think of. I'll take some nice photos over the week and try and put some up so you can see nice things as well as reading some words.

Lemonies, Buttercup xxxxxxxxxx

You don't really know why but you want justify rippin' someone's head off

Some days all I need to do is rant so please excuse me whilst I do such things.

I actually started planning this in my head whilst watching Explosions In The Sky at The Sage a few nights ago (they were fab just my mind tends to wander especially when there are no lyrics to follow - shoegazing instrumental music). There are three things that people do (on a regular basis around me) that really, really bothers me.

1. Litterbugs. It's pretty much my number 1 hate. Ok, remember when I said it was based on things that people do around me? Yeah, that's important to note! Because really genocide and animal cruelty would be higher but I'm not in contact with things like that, not on a regular basis.

I see so many people around here drop litter and cigarette butts. It's just unnecessary. We have bins on most street corners (and in the more urban areas we have them in the middle of streets and part way down and everything). There is absolutely no need to litter at all. Yet they do. I see people litter beside bins. Like they're walking past them and drop litter just past it or before it. Why?! The world is already being destroyed by us. There is tarmac and pollution and general disease that is caused by us and yet, fair enough you can't fix that part easily just being one person, you don't need to add to it by being a troll! It makes me so ragey!

2. Acts of senseless and random violence and destruction.

One night someone walked around the streets where I live and slashed at least one tire on each car they passed. Someone once threw a brick through mama's car window for no reason, I say no reason because nothing was stolen. I've seen cars and motorbikes set on fire during my earlier years. Broken glass in bus shelters, phone boxes and shop windows. The rioting last year. I just don't understand the point.

What is the reasoning behind just breaking things? I get wanting to rip up a bad picture that I've drawn or smashing up a cake that's gone wrong but why break other people's things? It just seems unfair. And especially breaking council property like bus shelters because then they'll complain that there's no money anywhere, well yeah, you are costing them a fortune in repairs.

3. Talking in concerts.

This is mostly why I started thinking about this at a gig. It was a sitting down gig at The Sage. To me, sitting down gigs or concerts mean a certain level of respect, if only because the people around you can't move somewhere else if you are being too noisy. We had this issue at the Evanescence concert. Two men, sitting behind Blue and me talking non-stop. I say talking, this term is loosely applied since I could hear them more than the band. If you want to sit and talk over music, buy the cd (most artists have a live one out if you need to have the atmosphere) and shout in your own home. It'll save you money and my rage.

I'm ok with occasional comments, the "ooh that was a nice bit", "look at him what the hell is he doing?" "this is so awesome" etc. but incessant shouting? STFU.

Tonight I'm feeling annoyed because I want some software to do some music work that isn't the usual Sibelius. I love sib and we get on very well but I'm wanting a DAW (digital audio workstation). I was looking into ProTools because I've used that at uni. Not only is it crazy ass expensive but also requires hardware to run it. I looked into Audacity and Ardour because they are free but Audacity looks like what MSPaint is to Adobe Photoshop and Ardour isn't available for Windows. Mac and Linux yes but Windows no. I'm going to try the FL Studio (formally Fruity Loops) demo but my main issue is that if I do discover that it's awesome I'm going to have to pay about $300 for it and owies that's a lot of money. I'll let you know how I do with the demo though.

On the plus side I've mostly got my midi keyboard working. It is a great little keyboard but I haven't worked out how to use it correctly with Sibelius. Mostly just a volume sensitivity issue which I need to work out how to resolve.

I wonder how people who create electronic based music start out because all this software is expensive and then all the hardware like mics and instruments and mixing desks and stuff is expensive. Then you normally need a Mac of some description because they are better for music (or at least have more software and hardware). So how do you start out? Or do they start out by using the software that is available at school/college/uni and build from there. I wish I had used the studios at uni a lot more than I did. Problem was my best time for working and desire to experiment with things like that is 9pm onwards and that was highly impractical for getting the bus home.

I just want to make nice musics and feeling like I'm hitting a brick wall at every turn.

The worst part is is that for once I had ideas of things I wanted to do. I was feeling generally creative and now it's 11:30 and I need to go to bed soon because I have a G&S rehearsal tomorrow. Great though it is being in G&S it doesn't half suck up my creative time when it's almost showtime. But yes I was feeling creative with two compositional ideas getting really juicy and one other idea that is just popping by but I can't do anything with them because I don't have the soft/hardware. 

I just want to be awesome, but it's so much hard work T_T

Nanight lemonies, Buttercup xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

You may say I'm a dreamer

I'd actually be very much ok with that. In fact I might make myself a little label...

That's how ok I am with dreaming. Ok so it's a rubbish little thing I did in photoshop in about 5 minutes (lies it took like 15 but 10 minutes of that was trying to choose a font and even now I'm not happy with this one but meh).

The point is is that I've kinda realised why I want to be a *whispers* music artist. Actually firstly I'll explain why I use music artist instead of say; musician, artist, singer, band member etc. (also I've stopped whispering :P). I don't use musician because in my mind it's either too broad (although it negates my whole point because anything in that list can be thought of as too broad when really I could probably narrow it down with the type of person I am just with the use of a genre) or that it makes me think of people in orchestras or wind bands. You know, a very school thought process of musician. I know it's silly but it's how my brain works (even though The Spice Girls, Korn, The London Philharmonic are ALL musicians it's just not the right term for me). Normally I like the term artist but that is even woolier because unless you know it's specifically to do with music you wouldn't necessarily think of anything but the kind who paints, or draws, or makes sculptures (etc.). But essentially that is what I wish to create. Art. Not crazy art music in the sense of 20th century compositions, although that would be really fun too. But something beautiful.

Note; this is just my definitions on art and stuff. I'm not opening political debates on Tracey Emin or the eternal "what is art?" but that is what I think. Art is beautiful even if it isn't obviously so.

I can probably narrow my field into a subgenre of pop/singer-songwriter. I can see that if I were to do anything on these lines that is where I would fall. Probably with electro hints, maybe some indie influences (this is in the way it is a style now and less of what it means). I'd love to put some rock in there, scene-emoid-rock. I'd like layers, some choral work, some harmony, some chiptune, industrial, shoegazing, minimalism, ambience. Really everything that I love listening to. But here is the thing (and it is a quote from my tumblr originally from less than an hour ago):

"I don’t care if i’m never famous, if I’m never a somebody. None of that really matters. I just want to create something beautiful. So long as I do that it’ll all be worthwhile.

And if that one beautiful thing makes one person feel happy and even possibly better about themselves as a person then I have done more than I would ever dream possible.

Be alive. Keep running."

The last sentence is an obvious reference to Sing by MCR but the interesting point is that they influenced that entire thought. Whilst it was created after watching the official video for The Kids From Yesterday it was somewhat brought forwards by remembering the fan video (of the same track) that was the main influence for the official vid (they asked the creator of the fan vid to help them make their official one which is so wonderful). I've provided a link to both, the fan video was produced first and is the most important one really but it's nice to see the clips of live footage and other videos that the band put together for their video. When you know that at least two members (Gerard and Mikey) have suffered severe depression in the past up until The Black Parade era and you see them now it's just so lovely. But seriously the fan vid gives me goosebumps every time I watch it. They're the same song so sorry if that bit bores you. Just, it's just wow. The last bit, at the end of the fan vid, it's a quote that Frank wrote on his MCR blog after the released Danger Days, read it. You might have to pause the video (I certainly did at least once) but it's also important. Art is the weapon.

The Kids From Yesterday Official Video 

The Kids From Yesterday Fan Video 

The point is is that I would love to make one person feel good about themselves the way that MCR do for me. I mean I guess you could say "hey make something really crap looking and someone will look at it going 'yeah I can make something better than that and so now I feel better about myself'" but that isn't really feeling better about yourself (or at least I don't find it does). It's like listening to a really good piece of music and it making you smile just because it makes you feel that great. It's listening to that piece of music and it making you feel like you are worth something and that, ok so they're famous people and don't know you, but that you are worth a damn. It's the kind of music that makes you put down that compass or knife or other sharp implement and makes you want to dance and do something else. That makes things worth just that little bit more even if it is just them telling you that they're not ok either.

I probably sound ridiculous but that's fine.

The thing is I doubt I could create anything that's worth as much as Sister Hazel and MCR are to me. But why shouldn't I be able to? This is where I am a dreamer and I know it but the main point that I should take from that is to take the dreaming to another level. Maybe trying to bring it to life. Just trying and see where it gets me. I know I can compose some ok music. I know that that is a thing. I got a 2:1 overall for my compositions in my final year. Those aren't bad marks.

There is one thing that I need to improve on though and that is lyric writing. It doesn't help that I mostly feel like a wazzak writing lyrics because ultimately I feel like 15 year old emo me. I can come up with some pretty ok single lines that sound obscure and wonderful but anything more, putting two or three lines together, just don't work. And then once I do that it's getting music and words to fit together. 

It's so tricky.

I'd quite like to start a band but I don't know enough people who would want to band with me. I don't have songs that I could go "hey people I have these, let's go". I mean that would be fab but I also don't know anyone who would want to start a rock band with me. But hey, if you're reading this and are thinking "I was wondering the same thing as you" then seriously geti n touch and maybe we could do something. I mean we can always have a go :D.

Another option is to start with dance type music. More instrument driven then lyric driven and build up from there. I already want to write some dubstep type music at some point and with that you can remix or sample from other people's music very easily and make a fabulous piece of music. At the moment I'm very into any type of danceish music. We went to an industrial night at our rock club and Blue and I danced quite continuously for about 3 hours, and this was very energetic dancing (still feeling a little bit of that work out still). That music was moving people. Not just that they wanted to have a little groove. These people were really into it and none of us cared if we looked like numpties. We were throwing our arms around, jumping up and down, side to side. Everything was good. It's all just wonderful. I'm hoping that we go back, I mean I could go back by myself but it's best with Blue.

The other thing that I want to do is I want to work into my dissertation. I was talking to my brother about it and he was actually rather encouraging about it. I thought it was terrible, terribly written, too waffly, too many subjects in such a small space of time, just not good enough. But he said it was actually really interesting. I mean the topic helped but maybe it wasn't all that bad? Maybe it is worth going back to it, doing more research, working into it. I would love to do a MMus on it (that and composition of ambient music, music for a purpose or to enhance an experience (a lot like the stuff that my dissertation is on) such as that of gameplay music). I'd love to take it to PhD level but I can't justify the money spending on a further degree or two for something that isn't going to give me a certain (or semi-certain) job at the end. But I definitely want to work into it again. I've had a few requests from people to read it which is quite... well shocking for me. I didn't expect that but then again there aren't that many people writing about video game music so I guess it was because of that. The best part is that research involves playing old games because I'm not just looking at the music. I'm not going to be sitting looking at the score or listening intently to iTunes writing every note that passes by and analysing it. That can be interesting but then all I'm doing is looking at music and it doesn't matter on the source. I'm looking at interaction and integration between the music and the game. But that's all for me to write in my dissertation and when I am even happier with it I might get it rebound. Maybe I'll put a postit on the front of my old one and write [beta] on it :3. The next can be 1.0.0 ver.

Now I just need to find time and motivation at the same time. Such an annoyance!

Lemons and love, Buttercup

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

p.s. Even though it's really frosty-cold right now Trouble seems to be doing fine. I was worried she'd freeze to death since we're in minus figures at night and the frost is lasting almost all day even in sunlight but she seems to be doing fine :3

Who are you, who who who who?

Ok so I've neglected blogging for a while... which is annoying because I've read books that I should review and listened to music that I should review but I just don't have the time to sit and blog for an hour or so. When I'm not working I'm taking breaks in the form of not writing so while I could blog in my breaks it's writing and that makes the break feel less breaky.

Since the last blog I have read: Ink Exchange and Fragile Eternity (both by Melissa Marr) and started on Acorna's People (Anne McCaffrey). I've bought a greatest hits of The Who (because they are awesome and CSI is awesome) and fallen further in love with MCR and started learning tab for Unintended to see if I can't crack guitar tabs (also learning to bar chord which is starting to work sometimes =D). I've played on Rainbow 6 Vegas 2 with my brother (FPS) (he's better than I am), Viva Pinata (again) and some Dynasty Warriors 6 (again). I've been to a concert, rehearsals, slept to much and worked too little. I've fallen back in love with classical music, especially the more modern, slightly dissonant music.

I've eaten more candy in the past couple of days than I have in the past few months and I'm still going. I'm no further forward with my tai chi but I'm still going with it because it is the most wonderfully soothing thing to do.

I've gained a piercing and now have 7 which is a better number but I'm still trying to work out if I can feasibly make it to 11 without looking overkill... if I can't I'll have to settle on 9.

I've been snapping pictures on my camera as often as I can, but losing days through working. I've discovered the joys of Spotify for my work but can't ever see it replacing iTunes and buying cds. I've looked though old photos and remembered that the old days before medication weren't actually all that bad sometimes.

I've realised that I am who I am and that is who I want to be.

I'm not moving out any time soon but I'm kind of ok with that. I would love more room space but don't have the mental strength yet to tackle living without the parental wing to guide me and keep me safe.

I can finally climb my bed-ladder without anything on it (except my current book and iPod for nighttimes). and I don't remember the last time that was actually possible.

I'm hermitising but actually don't feel too bad for it, although I should get out and see more people... maybe in a month when uni is finally over.

I'm looking forward to the new American McGee's Alice game and I'm very much determined to play through the original (360 download) before cracking into the sequel and completing that! Also rather determined to make some progress again on Persona 4 and to finish FFXIII this summer and maybe crack open Dragon Age again. 

At some point I'm going to start looking for jobs but it's of no hurry anymore since I'm not moving out.

I have a lot of work to do and I'm not sure how I will finish it in time but I have to because it's the final stretch. This is it. No more past this. I'm aiming for a 2.1. I might hit lower, I mostly likely won't hit higher but that is my aim. I'll keep going until I make it. Sure there may be some late nights and early mornings and some removal of the internet to force work out but it will get done. I will finish this damned degree. Then I shall drink and sleep and dance to my heart's content.

I think that's it. A whirlwind catch up. Back to the workings!