Reality is a lovely place but I wouldn’t want to live there

I said my next post was going to be pictures but I can't sleep and I want to witter and ramble and so things are not as planned. Actually quite a few plans are going awry but that's just the way life goes really, and they're not going badly just not how they were planned.

I've been looking further into recorders. Apparently the treble I bought from Tynemouth market for £5 is worth about £50 in shops which is pretty cool, but also interestingly it's not a good beginner's one, which explains why things have been more tricky with it than I had hoped when I was starting out. It does however have a lovely tone and so I'm happy regardless. Been looking into getting some Handel music for it (grade 4-6 standard) because once the show I'm in is over I won't have anything recordery to practise and it would be nice to get even better (and maybe understand what notes relate to which fingerings rather than just knowing the patterns that the music follows)! Only downside is that the book of recorder sonatas on amazon is apparently just the piano score and so the recorder part is teeny tiny. Or maybe the book the reviewer got was just the piano score... who knows. Anyway I found some on IMSLP but it's recorder and basso continuo. For those not in the know that means that there is the recorder line and a bass line with numbers written above it. Baroque players would know what chords and improv. harmony would fit by reading these numbers but sadly I don't remember what most of them mean and so I'm going to have to find a crib sheet and work it out. Slightly exciting though to restart on that kind of thing. It feels like ages since I did any proper academic stuff.

Pre-baroque treble

Medieval double recorder [Listen here]

Electroacoustic recorder, somewhat steampunk :D

Standard baroque treble recorder in dark wood

I am curious as to how the pre-baroque ones sound with the different fingering system and I most certainly want the double and an electroacoustic (because how sweet would that be!). I am currently a little recorder obsessed I know... :P

I looked at getting a sopranino recorder. I can get a yamaha one on amazon for about £7 which, as it is stupidly cheap, is probably quite crappy but it would be in F (standard recorders are either in C or in F, the treble that I am learning is in F and thus I want other F instruments rather than trying to now learn descant which is in C or tenor (also in C), probably best not to get into the variations on Baroque and Renaissance replica recorders as they seem to be in multiple keys and I'm not sure how that variates the fingerings) and the only other practical recorder in F is a bass but that is still a couple of £hundred at cheapest. The sole review of this yamaha instrument was that it was not a soprano recorder and it wasn't wooden and it was misleading and they couldn't play it because their fingers weren't small enough. Despite the description saying it was a sopranino, in F, made of ABS resin. Some people just complain and make excuses when they only have themselves to blame. Silly person. It is tempting though, although I could get an Aulos, like my treble, for £20 which would probably be a better instrument. All very contemplatey.

Ok something else... some pretty pictures?

Venice

I am going to be so very tired by tomorrow night. I'm really glad it is half term right now otherwise I'd be more than a little concerned at the fact that I'm not yet asleep. Sadly thought I don't think I'll be able to get up as early as I would like to see Blue tomorrow, which I was so looking forward to spending as much time as I can before my rehearsal. I don't know where my caffeine pills are either so I don't know if I'll be able to wake myself up chemically either.

Actually the bit I'm dreading the most is falling asleep on the bus over to Blue. Buses, for some reason, tend to make me sleepy on the best of days. When I'm actually tired they're terrible. I can see me falling asleep and ending up at one of the termination points (depending on when I wake up and if the driver chucks me off at the one in town). It'll just be such a bother. I mean if I'm too tired to go out tomorrow then I'll just have to pass on going out but normally I'll be dead during the day and then wake up at about 8 or 10pm and run off adrenaline for a while.

Oh god, one minute... yup, it's well and truly past dawn. Tendrils of mist linger in the corners of the field opposite and the sky is a composite of pastel pinks and blues. It's tempting to pull an all nighter now. To go back to Theme Hospital and just game until it's time to "get up" and continue life... but that is plausibly a terrible plan... I've already tried to sleep once tonight and my meds are still not kicking in. I suppose I better boost the dosage. Oh well...

Love to all,

Buttercup xxxxxxxx

I must be ahundred and nine, burning, burning, burning.

So... I'm having difficulty working out how to word all of this brainmush that's leaking out all over this metaphorical page. It's being a little impossible so I guess today we'll have to cope with my sporadic thoughts. There's just a bit more going on in there than usual.

First of all I've just finished an hour or so practising for the G&S summer show. There are some pretty tricky moments in a few of the pieces but there is one piece that is somewhat troubling me more than most and that's a piece from Floradora called "Tell Me Pretty Maiden" (not a G&S piece in case you were wondering and don't already know). In theory it's not that difficult. The issue is that it is on treble recorder and this is not an instrument that I am familiar with playing, certainly not before starting this piece. From what I can estimate using my knowledge of grade music for flute this is about grade 5 or 6 (guesstimation) which isn't bad going for someone who didn't know the fingerings for any notes until recently.

I mean it's obviously somewhat easier with the fact that I can already read music and I have a vague idea of how descant recorder works but the notes are all in the wrong place! It's so confusing >.< However I have been thinking, and it is a rather lovely instrument to play, that maybe I should learn some actual graded music. Not pass any grades because that's expensive and I would probably need a teacher and stuff, but just know the equivalent grade that I would be. Learn the scales, the music, maybe even buy some sight reading test books that instrument teachers seem to own, just to know the standard of that. I don't really need to go through the aural tests, I've done those to grade 8 flute.

I just think it would be nice to see how well I can do with it as an instrument. The main issue comes under which board I follow. Now most people would think that this only matters if you're actually taking the tests but if I follow ABRSM which is the standard in most schools, then I can just learn treble and everything is good. But if I follow The Royal Conservatory Of Music then for grade 1 I need to learn either descant or tenor and by grade 2 you can use a variety of different recorders. Later on you must use more than one recorder within your exam. So either route could be interesting and change things quite dramatically. I might learn via the ABRSM one until I can get more recorders. I only have a descant and treble right now but a tenor or a bass one would be pretty damned awesome.

I just think since I am putting quite a bit of effort in now it would be nice to carry it on with other pieces and maybe keep it open as an option for future shows.

 

I have a few projecty type ideas going on too. Something that isn't just music copying. I mean I'll have that for a while yet, quite possibly for a few years, but it would be nice to have things outside that. I want to get back to composition work. I always find it hard to motivate myself when I don't have an end goal. There will be no mark at the end and no teacher to guide me in my ideas. I would ask my friends to give me feedback but I'm always 100% nervous of everything that they might think ever and maybe they'll hate it and think I'm stupid. So... I'm not paranoid at all about that :P. I mostly just need to get to it and do things. Jump off the board and see what's at the bottom. I have half considered composing for the next couple of years and then maybe doing a masters in composition and dissertation but all of that is scary and I don't even know if I can still compose anymore.

I have some early saplings of beginnings of ideas. I'm trying not to rush them too much, because I tend to get caught up in the ideas for a week or so and then they leave. Part of the issue there though, is that the one main one I have in my mind currently will take a lot of prep work before actual composition so I don't know if it will get anywhere. Would be epicly good though if it did.

The other side of that is that I need to get some research in. My dissertation work would be within the realms of video game music but I still have no angle. No interesting theme or question to solve. I most just want to analyse. I enjoy looking at how themes have progressed over time or how the music from one game differs to another from its series but is still the same thoughts even if the composers are different and none of the notes are the same. I like looking at how they've developed a piece of music that originated on 8 bit into a full orchestral theme.I like listening to how they've made the music fit to what's happening on the screen. How they've used things in an interesting manner. It's the kind of stuff I want to compose. Music with a purpose, with recurring themes but also ambiance that, without the game or the image, might make little sense other than it is a series of rhythms and notes. I mean I don't need to do post-grad work to do any of that, I can just do it for fun, but it would be nice.

 

I've been enjoying the weather recently. It's a bit greyer at the moment but it's still very warm for me and it's nice. I like not having to wrap up in stupid amounts of layers just to feel almost human, rather than ice. It was even better when it was actual sunshine but then it was too hot in the kitchen and so work was kinda hellish.

One of my main issues with all the things I want to do; they all cost so much money! Ok some don't cost a great deal but if I'm to learn recorder better I need music and music costs money. Post-grad? That's a whole lotta money. That's part of the problem. I can't justify some of it moneywise and until I am in a comfortable enough position then I won't be able to. The recorder music I can acquire over time and it won't be very much which is good but I would certainly have to wait if I wanted to buy another recorder. We may be able to say "money doesn't matter" but it is required to do pretty much anything in life, and if you want to do a lot of things you need to acquire a lot of money. I know that this leads to the concept that I need another/different job that gives me more money but that's easier said than done. I'll have to do a blanket of CVs and kick start all of that all over again. It's a bit demoralising but needs to be done if I want more money and thus more freedom!

 

However I can enjoy reading and listening to music for free because I have so many books and unlistened to tracks (and failing that I still have dvds I haven't finished and games I haven't played) so I can do that whilst I save my money for awesome things. I'm meant to be saving and have £1k in savings by the end of the year but it does not look like that is going to happen. I just enjoy shopping too much...  If I'm to hit target starting next payment month I need to save £141 from each £250/300 payment I get... so I don't really see that happening at all. It's not including any birthday or christmas money that I might get. It is possible though. It's not like I actually do much, I just like shopping too much :P but I'm sure I can survive on £100 a month. I don't have rent or bills to pay. I just need to pay for travelling and food when I'm not at home... yeaaaaaaaaaah.

 

I've been trying to be more active. More exercise and things. It's difficult though because I am lazy and exercise is effort. I need somewhere where I can go dancing or something. Or maybe hathayoga. I never know where you can go for these things and then I get scared because I'll be going by myself and I won't know anyone and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH scrry biscuits! I think I would really enjoy yoga though. All stretches and things but still activey. I want to do one with a bit of movement although I have heard that it is very soothing to do in general and that would be nice. Stress relief and all that. But also feeling good about myself and getting endorphins and things. It would be all very good. Just need to motivate myself do go do! I'm getting there...

 

I'm also a lot happier currently than I have been in a long time. It's a nice feeling. Although sleeping still isn't working and now I'm cutting out my snacking habits so it might fall somewhat there. But let's work on the positives rather than the negatives! There should be no room made for negatives. Realisticness yes, unrequired negativity does not need to be in my presence. I like being happy.

There are some bads. There are some sads. But they will not overcome me. By the power of greyskull and all that nonsense. I'm just a bit optimistic today is all.

Hopefully next time I write it'll be at least a little bit of a picture round :)

All of the loves, Buttercup

xxxxxxxxxxxx