In the dark of the night just before dawn

I finished a book this morning that was actually very good. It was one of those "I'm going to put this book down now because I've read a lot of it but somehow it's now back in my hand only five minutes later" type of books. It wasn't mindblowing, it wasn't groundbreaking but it was interesting and that was nice.

I picked it up because the cover intrigued me. That whole saying of don't judge a book by it's cover? Ha! Some of my favourite books I picked up because I liked the cover, it's an excellent way to judge a book. I mean yes it doesn't always work and really in life you shouldn't judge things by covers but I find if it has a pretty cover I'm more likely to pick it up. The book that is, not random people :P

It is a little confusing though because there are three threads of story throughout although two of them become closer and closer together. One is the past/present, one is future/present (it depends on which bit you are reading although theoretically I think they are all written in past tense but so really it's past/past and future/past but nyeeeeeeh) and the other (which is less frequent) is present/second-person. That one is weird but quite nice because not many authors ever use it.

There are two main characters; Celia and Marco. There is a mysterious circus. There is magic and illusion, monochomacity. There is a game that some call a challenge. It is mostly set 1880-1900.

Really instead of reading I should have been working on the Princess Ida score that I'm copying. I've got to part way through act 2 finale and I've stopped. part of it is because my laptop doesn't fit on my desk anymore and thus I can't do my now usual dual screenage. That means I should tidy but that is such a mammoth task that I don't start because it's scary. One could almost say that it is scrry biscuits. I have been doing little bits, the bits that I find fun. Mostly organising my books. I can see the order in them and where they need to go and how best to maximise space so it is nice and easy to do. Normal tidying where a thing could go there, or there or over here and even somewhere completely different, is hard because I don't know where it would be best to put and so I don't put it anywhere except maybe a little to the left of where it was, or in the ever growing piles of stuff on my floor. When I have my own place someday my bedroom is going to contain a bed and some wardrobes and that is it (or thereabouts). No computer, most books elsewhere (obviously not the current read if I have been reading in bed). No instruments. No piles of stuff. All of that can go in other rooms. Ah I can only dream of this as a thing so far (and probably only ever dream of this as a thing because really, I'm going to end up with crap in my room regardless because that is what I am like :P).

I should go back to more productive things than procrastinating on here. The internet is a terrible and wonderful thing. Terribly wonderful and wonderfully terrible :D

Loves,

Buttercup xxxxx

And he made a little fiddle of her own breast bone

I found a thing on tumblr and I was just going to tell you about it but here is a link as well because then it makes my job a lot easier and less boring, also pi'tures :D

The thing I found on tumblrs!

Anyway the whole thing made me realise that whilst I believe that three of the best sammiches in the world are the following; ham & pease pudding, peanut butter & cucumber and ham, carrot & cucumber (ones for on a regular basis made with standard food found in the fridge), I certainly do not make interesting sandwiches ever. Most of the time I only make peanut butter ones because I feel like if I'm going to have bread it might as well have filling. (I do often, frequently, actually frequently, just eat ham straight from the packet because om nom and I always find that ham (unless you make an actual doorstop of the stuff) is really easily lost in flavours within sandwiches... it is also partially because I am lazy and that is easier and also bread is very stodgy).

I keep misplacing hairbobbles and this is a bother! Why do they always disappear all the time. Also why has insomnia returned? I was doing so damned well too!

Normally when I'm out and about and fancy a sandwich type dealy (normally this is a toastie or a panini) it is majoratively ham and cheese (although the last was BBQ chicken, bacon and cheese which was nomalicious!) (Found a hair bobble which makes life much better with hair off my face and neck). But so this website has made me think, it would be awesome to make interesting mini sandwiches (mini because it makes it more of a challenge and I don't feel overstodged with bread) but I can't think of cool ideas and it would require ingredients and things. I am pretty lazy after all, maybe I'll just imagine awesome sandwiches instead. Like I imagine making awesome cakes and then don't because Jona is better at making cakes and I just feel a tad fail in the end.

Two albums arrived over the past couple of days; Brave OST and Julie Fowlis -Uam (who is on the Brave OST)

I realise that I'm a little obsessed with Brave currently and while I do hope this will wane a little I don't really mind if it doesn't at all. However it is JF that I am mostly considering here. On Brave she sings in English (which was weird because Uam came first and thus I listened to that first), on Uam (which means 'from me') she sings approximately half a song in English and the rest in Scottish Gaelic. As part of the lyrics booklet there are both the lyrics and the English translations which is actually pretty awesome.

The music is lovely and folky and has some excellent folky harmonies and there is one piece that is a capella which is wonderful (Ho bha mi, he bha mi - it has accents on the o and the e but I can't be bothered to find them on here). I definitely want more of her stuff as it is very chilled but also awesome.

I've been having thinking on writing. It may be a story within the world of Snow but completely nothing to do with that at all but maybe just set in a similar world instead because it may be too hard to link them properly without going back and reworking a lot of things (which I can do if it bothers me I guess but isn't a necessity because no one will know but me :P) and as far as I can tell there is magic and dragons because these things are awesome. I also want it to be set northwards. Hills and mountains and forests and snow (not Snow but the weather variety that he is named after although I guess if it is the same 'realm' then it would plausibly be someone like Snow causing that... aaaaahh complicated!). It's purely writing my own escapism but that's cool with me :) Since I have an area that helps me a little, I have a couple of characters forming, no names which is a bother, but hopefully they'll solidify a little. I have absolutely no plot at all :D as far as I'm concerned it can be a free for all!

Until later, loves

Buttercup xxxxxxxx

I will ride, I will fly, chase the wind and touch the sky

I don't really remember how much time has passed since my last blog. It says the last post was 25th June but that doesn't mean an awful lot in real money to me. I have a few milestones but they all seem to happen in one lump at the start of August and really nothing happened in July.

• My books acquired mould again, very much against what I had hoped but that is the way life is. I still don't have my primary bookshelves anymore, which makes my room look bigger but sader because books are lovely! It chose to occur when no-one was at home except for me (of course) and so that was hella stressface all over!
• Printing orchestral scores is a pain in the arse and highly stressful too. I don't recommend it to anyone (unless you are a professional printer or you enjoy inducing stress in your life, in which case by all means and do you fancy doing mine in the future?). However the scores looked pretty good even with the few hiccups that occurred, but we'll know better for next time :D
• Putting one half of my first pet to sleep. This was very much the most traumatic and it was worse because parents weren't home to deal with such issues (so I made Jonaface deal with the vets for me) and Tarq was in all day rehearsals which he couldn't miss. Her sister is still with me but I worry that she's going to get les mis (because rattybums do so). I still love her to pieces though.
• Iolanthe. After all that stress and sad the show was pretty good. I'm still apprehensive about it but mostly because I just wish I could do better. However I have been told that it sounded and looked fabulous so that's all that really matters :D that and everyone seemed to have a fantastic time! In fact I'm going to elaborate a little on Iolanthe thoughts right here and now but in a haphazard sort of way :P

Score carrying, constant rechecking, front seat, Panda driving, Les Miserables belting and half casting, over the mountain, through little villages, remeeting and new meeting, little cottage, spiral staircases, lots of talking, fun times and laughing, expensive taxi, cosy bedding, early morning, detour breakfast (not open, back to tescos), flute and piccolo playing, photo taking, wrists breaking, parent meeting, performance time, new dress (very exciting), avoiding anyone in white, pretty sure lunch was somewhere, showtime starting, not bad overture, photos midperformance, MD missing, 2nd act, applause, packing up, get out quick, dump stuff, Panda, pubtime talking, soup snack eating, chinese foodles, tastynom, travel back home with acquired Annak, sleep times again, lazy start, dreams are shattered and ice cream is dust, dreams reborn, TINY TRAIN, sweetie shop, breakfast time, 14 rolls and 16 rolls, old books and dice, new books and maps, Penistone and being sworn at by locals, tiredout, home time.

• Started second job, it was pretty good and easy enough (we were on a quiet bar that served the boxes so there was minimal customer contact). Hoping to get many more shifts but certainly don't have enough hours to move out yet >:( it is all of the rubbish.

Those are all the things that I think I have done of note recently. I haven't really been up to much, taking a break from G&S because MY GOD too much in one week much! Although I do miss G&S uni group and it's weekly rehearsals and seeing those people and I miss G&S second group (I don't remember if I gave names anywhere but I try not to use any names ever in anything because I enjoy it :P) and the people there, I will be very much glad when it all starts up again even though that means stresstastic times for me as I have two scores currently in progress and another two that may or may not make an appearance (one my brother is dealing with... aaaat some point and the other isn't confirmed yet). This whole G&S malarky seems to take over lives and I swore I wouldn't let it happen but it has and I'm not 100% complaining :P not yet anyway!

Last night I was lying in bed and my brain was composing. I was writing music and I thought to myself, should I get up (even though I've already gone to bed and am starting to go to sleep) and write and write and write (or possibly sit in front of a computer screen and curse my inability to create the things that are in my head even though they are there and waiting) or sleep at a decent time (like I have been for quite a few nights now) and hope that inspiration does not desert me. I chose the latter and inspiration did indeed desert me like a stealthy thing in the night. WHICH IS A MAJOR BOTHER! *mental salute to Maj. B* I am forever losing these moments and yes I should have just got out of bed and hoped that I wasn't still working on things until 4am but I didn't and blah!

It was after watching Brave (which, by the way, made me cry more than once because I am a sap and Pixar are just too good at everything) and the whole folky music style thing which I've been wanting to do for ages because I've been contemplating writing music with a purpose but haven't quite got round to doing anything about it. Maybe I should do some concept arts on the matter and make an immersive world and scenes and stuff and compose to that but anyway, it got me totally wired and thinking about stuff that I wanted and I was getting little riffs and instrumentation and linking phrases from one to the other and it was awesome and now it's all gone (verysadface).

Brave reminded me that I wanted to learn Gaelic (technically I wanted to learn Irish Gaelic because I love Clannad's music but Scottish Gaelic would be just as fun). Actually one thing I didn't quite get was the ages of people when they were young. Those three tiny boys, I have no idea how old they are meant to be but they seem older than their stature would make you presume. They are brilliant though. The whole thing is wonderful and I'm so glad that they made it.

I'm also hella glad that I've ordered the ost already so that when it arrives I can listen to it and hopefully be inspired. I'll have to work fast on concept arts and things for what I want to do although whether I can get everything done in time is another matter.

I also want to try and plan another NaNoWriMo but I don't know if I can, at least not in time for this November, but it's always worth trying, if I don't start now then November will be here and then it will be too late to plan for this one but too early to pressure me into planning for the next one. I'm just not sure where or when I want to set. I mean I never specify in any of my stories on that matter but is it a dystopian future, a rural past, a parallel to our own time? This planetesque? Outer spaceesque? I have a few, really I should work on L'u and Dust but I worry it's too similar to other stories I know but since I'm never going to publish it does it really matter? I worry I don't have enough to get me going but then even though I planned Snow for about 3 years I didn't know a lot about the story until I started NaNo. Will I jsut end up recycling characters too much? Will I always have an emphasis on music even accidentally that it bores people?

I should really finish Snow. I mean it has beginning, middle and end but somewhere in the middle it got to the bit that I couldn't be bothered to write out fully and so I did it in note form. I mean I still hit 50k in the month but it's not a complete novel currently and it's been a couple of years since I tackled it so I might be ok delving back into it. I should also look at what material I can salvage from previous writings, I have so many snippets, mostly from the same type of universe, that I should try and bring, at least the ideas from, together. I don't want to be a writer, many of my friends either do or have gone through that as an idea, but I don't want to be a writer at all. I don't really want to have a job that relies too much on a constant stream of creativity. I just want to get ideas flowing, concepts brewing, world creating!

I'm just finishing the fourth (and final?) book in an excellent "twilight" series:

I was rather surprised 1. with the fact that for once Blogger has let me place the covers in the correct order with minimal fuss (comparatively) and 2. that this Russian series has a lot more to offer than the first film shows. If I remember correctly the first film is actually the first third of The Night Watch (the book) (although I was aware of something that happened in The Day Watch (book) that I think happens in TNW (film) which kinda confused me). It is certainly an interesting series and ok, yes, yet again we have magicians, witches, vampires and werewolves (and others) but it seems to be covered in a thick dusty layer of realistic grey and brown (like so many computer games these days that are known as "gritty realism"). However this does not detract from it (actually it is very much more grey than brown based on the twilight levels but that is something that should be read about and not spoilerised) and certainly takes away all this Disneyfication that fantasy has taken to doing currently (I'm thinking Harry Potter, Twilight and all that spawned after it). Although yes those books are for children/YA but this (whilst only found in the sci-fi/fantasy section in book shops, well away from YA/kids etc.) isn't exactly difficult to read and could have gone down the whole vampires are misunderstood/evil route but kind of sits in the middle of vampires are just vampires like people are just people. Not everyone is "evil" even if they are Dark and not everyone is "good" even if they are Light. It doesn't do a whole lot of moral stories though, just that people (or in this case Others) are just as unfortunate and messed up as everyone else. They are branded as one type or another but means about as much as the branding of a football team in the reality of everything. It's very good and the covers are excellent, imo.

I only had the first and the last to begin with. I had picked up the first I think new from Waterstones or somewhere, probably in a sale or in a special offer, because it was pristine and it is unlikely that you get those from secondhands. The last was a charity shop buy (Oxfam if I remember correctly but that might be a fabrication). When I started on the first and discovered that I was enjoying it I jumped straight onto amazon.co.uk and bought the next one (and then the third even though it would have made more sense to buy both at the same time but I'm trying really, really, really hard not to buy new books currently so though it best to wait and see on the matter and it came almost just in time for me to start reading after finishing the second book). One of the most interesting things about it though is less on the stories (which are good) and the writing (which is also very nice) but that when it mentions a thing that occurred in another book there is an asterisk and a note telling you where this information comes from. It happens not too often that you want to hit either the author, or the translator, or the publisher for allowing it to be on the page, but just often enough that it jogs memories when things are mentioned. My favourite one (and so far has only happened once and I'm half way through the second story of book 4) is on page 78 of The Last Watch:

"This story is told in the movies Night Watch and Day Watch."

I was amused :3

I've probably wittered enough for now (and maybe the next couple of months or so :P) and I want to try and finish this book tonight because things are getting intense and it's exciting! Maybe next time a little less rambly and a few more pictures? Although my blogs are nearly always more a higher ramble to picture ratio, I think it's just the way I am (and I use this as a omg-all-of-my-brain-be-out-on-this-digitalised-form-of-paper).

Love and fluffythings,

Buttercup xxxxxxxxx

It just takes some time, little girl, you're in the middle of the ride

Today I finally became a member of the WWF (the panda people not the wrestling people) and also adopted a panda at the same time. I mean obviously I haven't adopted an actual panda (although that would be epicness in the extreme) but £3 of my money a month goes specifically towards pandas and £3 goes towards general conservation. That's £6 (although I do not doubt anyone's mathematical skills here except my own) and when I told mama that she was surprised and said it was a lot. But I considered this... that's less than one hour of work a month. It's between 2 and 4 drinks at a bar (at least it is for my drinks :P). It's nothing. I don't know why I haven't done it sooner, I just keep putting everything off until tomorrow and tomorrow never seems to come for those things so slowly working through the things in life that I want to do. Part of that is saving pandas. 

I can't wait until my little panda toy comes in the post.  I'll need to think of an awesome name for it.

I will also admit that I love red pandas too. They can be just as cute but look nothing like pandas. The name is somewhat misleading.

They're kinda raccoony. Very cute though and the ones I saw in London loved to sleep ALL THE TIME (that we were there anyway), lazy buggers.

I'm feeling pretty awesome recently. Medication is only required sporadically now and things are happy. Currently my blogname is a little inaccurate but I don't want to tempt fate too much :P But really I am more (on average) content than I have been in a very long time. The only bad thing about life right now is that I don't have enough time (that is useful) to see Blue and other peoples. That is the main problem with societies and rehearsals and shows and concerts, I have too many of them all the time at the times when other people (apart from those in the said socs etc.) are free to meet ups and when I do finally have a day off I just want to hermitise and not see people to catch up with everything else ever that I need to do here at home.

I'm looking at getting a second job (waiting back on an interview I just had so fingers crossed) which yay more money and yay I might plausibly be able to move out if I get enough hours (although it looks unlikely and thus I will need a third job before I can do that ¬¬) but serious boo because I won't be able to see people even more than I do currently. I'm hoping that summer hols will give me some extra time to catch up with folks.

There are not enough hours in the day or elsewise it would be beneficial if sleep was not a requirement of life.

Life is a funny thing, we spend so many hours wasting our time procrastinating and then we discover that we don't have enough hours in the days left to do everything we want to. It is both hideously short and plausibly the longest thing we will ever know (afterlife may or may not be included subject to availability). I wish life was a bit like a game like Persona4 where you can complete the game and then restart it with all your skills from the previous game so that you could just concentrate on one thing and then be able to do more next time round, if you so desired to do things that way. I wouldn't change the route only how much I do. To be honest I don't even particularly regret the procrastination (which would be my only regret if I had such things).

Loves to all, Lif xxxxxx

Reality is a lovely place but I wouldn’t want to live there

I said my next post was going to be pictures but I can't sleep and I want to witter and ramble and so things are not as planned. Actually quite a few plans are going awry but that's just the way life goes really, and they're not going badly just not how they were planned.

I've been looking further into recorders. Apparently the treble I bought from Tynemouth market for £5 is worth about £50 in shops which is pretty cool, but also interestingly it's not a good beginner's one, which explains why things have been more tricky with it than I had hoped when I was starting out. It does however have a lovely tone and so I'm happy regardless. Been looking into getting some Handel music for it (grade 4-6 standard) because once the show I'm in is over I won't have anything recordery to practise and it would be nice to get even better (and maybe understand what notes relate to which fingerings rather than just knowing the patterns that the music follows)! Only downside is that the book of recorder sonatas on amazon is apparently just the piano score and so the recorder part is teeny tiny. Or maybe the book the reviewer got was just the piano score... who knows. Anyway I found some on IMSLP but it's recorder and basso continuo. For those not in the know that means that there is the recorder line and a bass line with numbers written above it. Baroque players would know what chords and improv. harmony would fit by reading these numbers but sadly I don't remember what most of them mean and so I'm going to have to find a crib sheet and work it out. Slightly exciting though to restart on that kind of thing. It feels like ages since I did any proper academic stuff.

Pre-baroque treble

Medieval double recorder [Listen here]

Electroacoustic recorder, somewhat steampunk :D

Standard baroque treble recorder in dark wood

I am curious as to how the pre-baroque ones sound with the different fingering system and I most certainly want the double and an electroacoustic (because how sweet would that be!). I am currently a little recorder obsessed I know... :P

I looked at getting a sopranino recorder. I can get a yamaha one on amazon for about £7 which, as it is stupidly cheap, is probably quite crappy but it would be in F (standard recorders are either in C or in F, the treble that I am learning is in F and thus I want other F instruments rather than trying to now learn descant which is in C or tenor (also in C), probably best not to get into the variations on Baroque and Renaissance replica recorders as they seem to be in multiple keys and I'm not sure how that variates the fingerings) and the only other practical recorder in F is a bass but that is still a couple of £hundred at cheapest. The sole review of this yamaha instrument was that it was not a soprano recorder and it wasn't wooden and it was misleading and they couldn't play it because their fingers weren't small enough. Despite the description saying it was a sopranino, in F, made of ABS resin. Some people just complain and make excuses when they only have themselves to blame. Silly person. It is tempting though, although I could get an Aulos, like my treble, for £20 which would probably be a better instrument. All very contemplatey.

Ok something else... some pretty pictures?

Venice

I am going to be so very tired by tomorrow night. I'm really glad it is half term right now otherwise I'd be more than a little concerned at the fact that I'm not yet asleep. Sadly thought I don't think I'll be able to get up as early as I would like to see Blue tomorrow, which I was so looking forward to spending as much time as I can before my rehearsal. I don't know where my caffeine pills are either so I don't know if I'll be able to wake myself up chemically either.

Actually the bit I'm dreading the most is falling asleep on the bus over to Blue. Buses, for some reason, tend to make me sleepy on the best of days. When I'm actually tired they're terrible. I can see me falling asleep and ending up at one of the termination points (depending on when I wake up and if the driver chucks me off at the one in town). It'll just be such a bother. I mean if I'm too tired to go out tomorrow then I'll just have to pass on going out but normally I'll be dead during the day and then wake up at about 8 or 10pm and run off adrenaline for a while.

Oh god, one minute... yup, it's well and truly past dawn. Tendrils of mist linger in the corners of the field opposite and the sky is a composite of pastel pinks and blues. It's tempting to pull an all nighter now. To go back to Theme Hospital and just game until it's time to "get up" and continue life... but that is plausibly a terrible plan... I've already tried to sleep once tonight and my meds are still not kicking in. I suppose I better boost the dosage. Oh well...

Love to all,

Buttercup xxxxxxxx

I must be ahundred and nine, burning, burning, burning.

So... I'm having difficulty working out how to word all of this brainmush that's leaking out all over this metaphorical page. It's being a little impossible so I guess today we'll have to cope with my sporadic thoughts. There's just a bit more going on in there than usual.

First of all I've just finished an hour or so practising for the G&S summer show. There are some pretty tricky moments in a few of the pieces but there is one piece that is somewhat troubling me more than most and that's a piece from Floradora called "Tell Me Pretty Maiden" (not a G&S piece in case you were wondering and don't already know). In theory it's not that difficult. The issue is that it is on treble recorder and this is not an instrument that I am familiar with playing, certainly not before starting this piece. From what I can estimate using my knowledge of grade music for flute this is about grade 5 or 6 (guesstimation) which isn't bad going for someone who didn't know the fingerings for any notes until recently.

I mean it's obviously somewhat easier with the fact that I can already read music and I have a vague idea of how descant recorder works but the notes are all in the wrong place! It's so confusing >.< However I have been thinking, and it is a rather lovely instrument to play, that maybe I should learn some actual graded music. Not pass any grades because that's expensive and I would probably need a teacher and stuff, but just know the equivalent grade that I would be. Learn the scales, the music, maybe even buy some sight reading test books that instrument teachers seem to own, just to know the standard of that. I don't really need to go through the aural tests, I've done those to grade 8 flute.

I just think it would be nice to see how well I can do with it as an instrument. The main issue comes under which board I follow. Now most people would think that this only matters if you're actually taking the tests but if I follow ABRSM which is the standard in most schools, then I can just learn treble and everything is good. But if I follow The Royal Conservatory Of Music then for grade 1 I need to learn either descant or tenor and by grade 2 you can use a variety of different recorders. Later on you must use more than one recorder within your exam. So either route could be interesting and change things quite dramatically. I might learn via the ABRSM one until I can get more recorders. I only have a descant and treble right now but a tenor or a bass one would be pretty damned awesome.

I just think since I am putting quite a bit of effort in now it would be nice to carry it on with other pieces and maybe keep it open as an option for future shows.

 

I have a few projecty type ideas going on too. Something that isn't just music copying. I mean I'll have that for a while yet, quite possibly for a few years, but it would be nice to have things outside that. I want to get back to composition work. I always find it hard to motivate myself when I don't have an end goal. There will be no mark at the end and no teacher to guide me in my ideas. I would ask my friends to give me feedback but I'm always 100% nervous of everything that they might think ever and maybe they'll hate it and think I'm stupid. So... I'm not paranoid at all about that :P. I mostly just need to get to it and do things. Jump off the board and see what's at the bottom. I have half considered composing for the next couple of years and then maybe doing a masters in composition and dissertation but all of that is scary and I don't even know if I can still compose anymore.

I have some early saplings of beginnings of ideas. I'm trying not to rush them too much, because I tend to get caught up in the ideas for a week or so and then they leave. Part of the issue there though, is that the one main one I have in my mind currently will take a lot of prep work before actual composition so I don't know if it will get anywhere. Would be epicly good though if it did.

The other side of that is that I need to get some research in. My dissertation work would be within the realms of video game music but I still have no angle. No interesting theme or question to solve. I most just want to analyse. I enjoy looking at how themes have progressed over time or how the music from one game differs to another from its series but is still the same thoughts even if the composers are different and none of the notes are the same. I like looking at how they've developed a piece of music that originated on 8 bit into a full orchestral theme.I like listening to how they've made the music fit to what's happening on the screen. How they've used things in an interesting manner. It's the kind of stuff I want to compose. Music with a purpose, with recurring themes but also ambiance that, without the game or the image, might make little sense other than it is a series of rhythms and notes. I mean I don't need to do post-grad work to do any of that, I can just do it for fun, but it would be nice.

 

I've been enjoying the weather recently. It's a bit greyer at the moment but it's still very warm for me and it's nice. I like not having to wrap up in stupid amounts of layers just to feel almost human, rather than ice. It was even better when it was actual sunshine but then it was too hot in the kitchen and so work was kinda hellish.

One of my main issues with all the things I want to do; they all cost so much money! Ok some don't cost a great deal but if I'm to learn recorder better I need music and music costs money. Post-grad? That's a whole lotta money. That's part of the problem. I can't justify some of it moneywise and until I am in a comfortable enough position then I won't be able to. The recorder music I can acquire over time and it won't be very much which is good but I would certainly have to wait if I wanted to buy another recorder. We may be able to say "money doesn't matter" but it is required to do pretty much anything in life, and if you want to do a lot of things you need to acquire a lot of money. I know that this leads to the concept that I need another/different job that gives me more money but that's easier said than done. I'll have to do a blanket of CVs and kick start all of that all over again. It's a bit demoralising but needs to be done if I want more money and thus more freedom!

 

However I can enjoy reading and listening to music for free because I have so many books and unlistened to tracks (and failing that I still have dvds I haven't finished and games I haven't played) so I can do that whilst I save my money for awesome things. I'm meant to be saving and have £1k in savings by the end of the year but it does not look like that is going to happen. I just enjoy shopping too much...  If I'm to hit target starting next payment month I need to save £141 from each £250/300 payment I get... so I don't really see that happening at all. It's not including any birthday or christmas money that I might get. It is possible though. It's not like I actually do much, I just like shopping too much :P but I'm sure I can survive on £100 a month. I don't have rent or bills to pay. I just need to pay for travelling and food when I'm not at home... yeaaaaaaaaaah.

 

I've been trying to be more active. More exercise and things. It's difficult though because I am lazy and exercise is effort. I need somewhere where I can go dancing or something. Or maybe hathayoga. I never know where you can go for these things and then I get scared because I'll be going by myself and I won't know anyone and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH scrry biscuits! I think I would really enjoy yoga though. All stretches and things but still activey. I want to do one with a bit of movement although I have heard that it is very soothing to do in general and that would be nice. Stress relief and all that. But also feeling good about myself and getting endorphins and things. It would be all very good. Just need to motivate myself do go do! I'm getting there...

 

I'm also a lot happier currently than I have been in a long time. It's a nice feeling. Although sleeping still isn't working and now I'm cutting out my snacking habits so it might fall somewhat there. But let's work on the positives rather than the negatives! There should be no room made for negatives. Realisticness yes, unrequired negativity does not need to be in my presence. I like being happy.

There are some bads. There are some sads. But they will not overcome me. By the power of greyskull and all that nonsense. I'm just a bit optimistic today is all.

Hopefully next time I write it'll be at least a little bit of a picture round :)

All of the loves, Buttercup

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Sometimes I dream of sharks, sometimes I dream of burrs.

Cycling is hard work. I keep thinking that since I do 2x 1 mile every week day that I should be much better at it now than I was five months ago... but I'm kind of not and every day after work I get home and I feel knackered. Doesn't really help towards my motivation needs. But I need to keep on doing things because otherwise I just stop and then get miserable because I'm wasting my days away.

I think I need to mostly spend less time on the internet. It's a little bit soul sucky and time eaty. Right now all I really want to do is sleeeeeep. The cycling is to blame on that one though.

Panda mug from Pengadore.com

Infinity ring (silver) from etsy.

 

The top three images are mine from my flickr. Just felt like sharing some images rather than a whole lot of text. I've not had much time to do anything recnetly it feels because I've been slaving away at G&S music but now the majority of it is done :D The only issue is is that the remaining bits are faffy because it's editing and checking that everything ever is perfect. Such an issue and bore!

I should really get on with... anything. I have a tiny list today:

• Edit Iolanthe act 2 in prep for adding piano parts
• Go to work
• Tidy
• Exercise
• Sort through some files and delete unwanted/unrequired ones.
• Flute practise

Look at the tininess of it all! And I've already done one task! (I always add work to my list because then I have something I can always cross off and it makes me feel good about myself :D).

Time to get on!

Love y'all, Buttercup

xxxxxx