Let's go back to the start.

So it's been a while, I haven't posted since March?! This isn't going to be a catch up blog on that front. I'm thinking of making a fresh start since work has forced me into noninsomnia. This blog is from a different time to now. I need a now blog.

I have a flat with three awesome guys. It's not the best flat in the world but we're working on making it home. There's a dual carrigway outside my window but it's hidden by trees so all I see is that when I look out the window. My room is small but I like it so.

Watch this space for a new blog. Work has buggered how much time I have to do anything (so has five rehearsals a week, so I look forward to reducing that to three very soon!) but I have ideas and plots and things. I shall return!

x

Cat, cat where have you been?

 I've been to the castle to look at the Queen.

So a family friend who is totally into G&S operettas suggested that I had a listen to Merrie England (by Edward German and Basil Hood (yes I put the composer first!)). I remembered seeing a couple of vocal scores for it at the local second hand bookshop so after work I pootled along and picked up a very lovely condition copy for not very much money.

I then downloaded Spotify (again, not sure why it wasn't on my computer... it used to be). and proceeded to listen to the first version I found.

I'm highly confused.

Firstly by the plot. I have no idea what happens. There's love, I know that much, and someone that people don't like and Queen Elizabeth and a lot of singing about Robin Hood for a while. I guess it doesn't help that there was no libretto in the recording but the songs didn't make a lot of sense either.

I also spent most of the time being confused because it isn't Sullivan. I didn't realise how set Sullivan is in his composition. You hear G&S and generally you can tell it's that. Yup there's another one! Off it goes being what it is. This is similar, there's the solo lines, the chorus, the orchestra. The four part harmony in chorus. But it's weird. The tunes don't quite follow the same patterns, the harmony goes in slightly different directions, the chords and key changes are just... strange when all you are used to is G&S (and very much from the music aspect of life).

By the end I was bobbing along because the refrain of "hey Robin, jolly, jolly Robin" is bloody catchy.

One really interesting thing I noted was that often it wasn't the higher line that was optional but a lower line. Sullivan liked to give the option of higher notes for soloists (especially the soprano lines) but often they would be little notes as an option but if you can't do them, hey it's ok, we aren't judging you (yes we are) they were just optional. In here there are a lot of high notes for not just soloists but chorus too! One solo line (optional this time and a cadenza part either vocally done or played by clarinet, in the recording it was sung) went upto a top Eb! (I think the technical term is Eb6 but it's three ledger lines above the stave) and although a fleeting passage and an optional one at that I was impressed that it was there to begin with. That's very very high stuff!

I would quite like to see Merrie England performed now actually, to see if any of it makes more sense than the rather fuzzy crackly recording that I could get (with a few cuts in which meant that the madrigal (and yes there is a madrigal) didn't have the verse with nonny nonny in it which was a shame) and see if the lib makes sense and if it is funny. That's the thing: they are comic operas. I would usually term them operettas due to the use of libretto and not singing start to finish but at the front of the score states "A new and original comic opera". And thus it should be at least amusing. Or that you can see how people might have found it funny way back when because some of the jokes don't really make sense now, depending on how you play it.

That's another point. Some people take these things far far FAR too seriously. They are comedies. Sure they have sad bits where you shouldn't laugh because the person is heartbroken or whatever and that is the sad part of the show but there is always the twist of the story at the end. The comedic parts (normally baritone) who lighten the mood. The minor interjections of asides that the cast aren't privy to but the audience can see all that is going on making the scenario all the sillier. And yet people sometimes believe that you should sit in silence and applaud at the right moment at the end of a song for an appropriate length of time. My god you must live a boring life! It would be like going to see Billy Connolly and clapping at the end of a long joke to show that you approve of what has just happened. Imagine not laughing! This is the first modern equivalent that I could come up with but I guess it works.
I have to admit I don't always get the jokes but if you have a good enough cast then you can normally laugh because you see their reactions to all of it so you know it was rude or whatever. And thus you laugh because their character is insulted by the whole thing.

I must admit I am yet to see the funny side of Merrie England but then like I said I didn't really understand a great deal of what was going on. Staging does help.

I would like to listen to some more of these things I think. Not just G&S but I do believe that out of all of them it is G&S I will return to most, and in particular the S part. What can I say, I am music driven and thus when it comes down to it I will be a Sullivanite over a Gilbertian, but often one goes in hand with the other better than without the other. I wonder what it is I like about their shows though. Maybe it's just because I've been in them and not others. Who knows.

I should really get back to editing Patience though... it needs to be done.

Go listen to something different, you might surprise yourself,

loves,

Buttercup xxxxx

Come on then stars, you showy little fuckers, perforate the dark I dare you.

So last night I saw Sharks Took The Rest for, I don't know, the millionth time and I'll tell you what, it really only gets better because one, you know all the lyrics to the album tracks even when you don't realise it and two, when they play new songs it's awesome because then you know there is something new to learn over time (and hope for in a new release). Live music is the best. Currently in the band they have some of Matt Stalker and the Fables helping out and damn is Matt good on the high harmony notes! I keep forgetting this as a thing because I only saw them once (at a STTR single release gig) but he's very good. Funny moment of the night was when the microphone cable fell out of the mic and he had no sound.

Anyway point is good gig was good and I love live music.

Catch up time:

I was in a show. I had a role in a show. I didn't mess up any of my lib (all three lines every night!) and even the singing was fine (even a little bit of quintet goodness worked out in the end). Ultimately I totally rocked it and feel rather confident now. You know that whole "wait... you mean I could actually do it if I tried hard enough/was given the opportunity/didn't really suck at auditions?" yeah that. In fact I'm still feeling rather cocky about it after so many compliments :D I totally want to try at more... even though I do most years... oh little diva stage buzz! Anyway it was awesome because it was The Grand Duke and that's a fabulous show and I was totally knackered every night after it.

I was in another show. The next week. I'll tell you what, the only bit that makes two shows in two weeks crap is that the omgweneedtorehearse stage of the second show overlaps the performance of the first and makes things stressful and difficult. However after a lot of indecision Princess Ida definitely grew on me by performance time (mostly because I got to be angry for 2/3rds of the show and that was a nice change to dense bimbo that seems to be most of the female choruses in G&S).

I didn't get a job. Got the interview though and totally did well at that so I feel ok about the whole thing because confidence is my main issue in life.

I went on an adventure with Tarq. I had been rather ill and one day I asked (in whispers because that's all my voice would allow) if we could go on an adventure.

"what, today?"

"nope, I have work. Tomorrow?"

"ok"

 And that was that. I didn't mind too much where we went, I just wanted to go somewhere slightly different. Really anywhere would suffice. He is excellent at confusing me though and kept pretending to turn off and in fact took the junction back onto the road we'd just come off. It was ridiculous but very fun. Anyway we ended up in Whitby. I don't remember ever going to Whitby before and so it was really nice as a surprise (I totally expected somewhere closer to home than that!) and the weather was really nice. There was lots of fun but especially an awesome red top hat that if it is still there when I go back at some point and I have money I shall buy it because it was amazing! And also lots of interesting shops and views and there was the sea! I love the sea :D I love adventure times. I love Tarq.

Not much else has happened. I've eaten a lot of chocolate today which is both awesome and a terrible idea. Actually I love confectionery a lot. Too much really but it gives me lots of buzzy energy and tastes really good. So really that's ok then :)

There are many things that I'm considering in life. Confectionery, ludomusicology, G&S, recorders... I have always had an issue that I consider too many things at once. I tend towards Jack of all trades rather than particularly good at one thing. I see things on stalls and think "I could make that" or hear a thing and think "I could make something sound like that, or do a similar thing" but aside from being rather useful in making me not spend my money I'm actually not very good at following through. I couldn't even tell you if I was any good at the actual thing or not because I don't get far enough. It's highly bothersome.

I also don't know where I'm going in life. I want to do something awesome but I don't know what. It's that showy little part of me, the diva inside, that knows that I'm not really good enough but could be at least ok maybe, if I tried or even let myself be.

I think once I've finished all the scores that I need to do then I'll find I have a lot more time and a lot fewer things to do and I won't know what to do with myself because then I have to actually be an adult and not the wannabe student that I am. Everything is procrastination and once I run out of procrastinationing I don't know what I'll do!

I also would really like to get back into ludomusicology (game music). There's even a conference in April (which is actually a bit doable because it's in Easter holidays for me!) but then I think it's just me being silly and that I should grow up and you know the real world isn't about doing things like that and all that malarky. I don't know who tells people these things but I guess I'm a bit jaded. I love dreaming but know that it's just a dream and nothing else. But I would like to do more with it because I enjoy analysis, I probably can't do it very well anymore and I don't know any of the right terms, but I do enjoy doing it and video game music analysis is just more interesting to me. You can take the entire soundtrack and find things that link from one to the next or find reasons why this bit of music happens here. Not just "oh the forte here is dramatic for dramaticsake or just to add tension or whatever" but "the forte here links with the image happening on the screen and that makes everything EPIC". I like the links rather than just music by itself. The whole art form rather than just one bit. But whenever I think about it I don't feel smart enough. I don't feel like I could ever be good enough to do any of that and that if anyone read it they'd laugh at me and then kick my whilst I'm down or something.

I waste so much time worrying than actually doing that it's ridiculous. 

Anyone fancy giving me some direction?

Please?

Waiting hopefully,

Buttercup xxxxxxxxx

Take a load off Annie, take a load for free, take a load off Annie, and you can put the load right on me

So I haven't posted since last year and I've been very lax in the whole idea of blogging. It's that wonder as to whether people read your blogs and whether or not they read simply because they feel they have to or whether they actually enjoy it or not. I tend to ramble and squirrel- yeah I get off topic quite a bit but meh! I shall post as I see fit.

Quite a lot and not much has happened all at once. So I'll just tell you some things of things.

I finally finished one score that I was doing and now I'm over half way through the next one. It's a bit ridiculous how much I'm doing on these scores. With the time I use on them I could totally have a full time job with actual wages and stuff... Two part time jobs isn't really enough to do anything with. But better than nothing so I'm not complaining too much :)

This second score feels so much shorter it's like there's no music at all. Five pages later and BAM! another song done :D It's a very nice feeling, instead of TGD which was a slog and a half and I think my average speed dropped a few pages an hour which when there is 500-600odd pages to do kind of makes a huge difference. However that one is done and now I'm just slogging away with the poor quality editing that is Kalmus. Three pages, three pages!, in and I was already annoyed. Trumpet is in the wrong place, pizzicato markings unresolved, key signatures that are wrong. Oh well, that is the joy that is Kalmus!

I started a thing this year. I saw it one... someones facebook feed and thought, hey why not. Kinda cute, little bit ridiculous and a pinch of stupid but I'm quite enjoying it so far. I bought a glass jar (actually it;s a really nice metal lock jam jar from Wilko's and is rather bon, I have one for the damage counters for Pokemon) and I write a nice thing on it that made me smile with the date and the fold it up and put it inside. It makes me happy how much there is already in it. It's instead of resolutions. I don't stick to them. So instead I'm lettingm yself know what an awesome year I had (by the end of it) so I can look back and go "oh yeah, I remember that now, that was awesome". 

I nicked that image off weheartit but it's the concept of what I am doing. I'll see how far I get. Who knows I might actually stick with it for the whole year! However I did start the first few with 2012 written on them. That was amusing :D

I saw another thing that was an interesting concept. Instead of explaining I'll put the link here: linkylink

I really like it as a concept but currently I don't have the money to do it properly. I mean I considered doing it with 50p intervals instead of £1 ones (so the last week is 26 rather than 52) but that is still impractical with my income. It would be awesome though because even with only saving the 50p version you'd still have a jar with £689 in it at the end of the year. That's a whole lotta cash in one go! Maybe if I get a third/better job :D it would be another jar with nice smiley things in it!

However I would always be tempted to take out a pound here or there (or several) for you know, the bus fare or so I can go out and I totally promise I'll replace it when I have the change in my purse honest! But it'll never get replaced and I'll just end up spending more money than normal because it would be there, in a jar, in front of me, grinning and waving its little hands at me! Goddamn money!

Another thing I've been doing this year is I'm taking Wednesday's off. This may change over the course of the year but I discovered I didn't actually have any me time. I was losing myself in scores and rehearsals and travelling here, there and everywhere but I wasn't getting anymore enjoyment out of it because I was tired and grumpy and didn't want to. Currently I have Monday's and Wednesday's where I don't go out and rehearse or have particular plans. It's nice for a change. Ok so I still copy up scores and stuff but I can also do other things. I've started doing Project Wednesdays where I try to do a thing just for me. Or for learning. Or just for the Kraken. It's for doing nice things like making caramel or cinder toffee or fixing that bag or drawing this thing or that thing or writing or even just chilling out with a book. I'm intending to stay saner and more chilled. By the way, cinder toffee is kinda hard to do (I think the recipe is wrong) and caramel is awesome and easy to make but it seems to disappear so maybe I made magic caramel that walks away... it's apparently really good though :D

I'm attempting to challenge myself, to do things. It may only last a couple of months but that's a couple more than none :D However I'm now going to curl up in bed with my DS and continue with Harvest Moon DS:Cute (called that because it's the version for girls! You can change your clothes and wallpaper and stuff!). I absolutely love Harvest Moon (the original FarmVille) and I get really addicted to it. I'm attempting to get all the Harvest Sprites and rescue the Harvest Goddess and have at least one of each building, one of each animal and have shipped one of everything, own one of each item and so on. I'm going for completionist on this. I mean I'll probably get to the stage of having cows and sheeps and get bored and want something new :P

I'm a brunette in this but I just love that cover art! My cat is Cifa (because Cifa cat!), dog is Rufus, pony is Epona and I currently have eight chickens (all with different names including Trubbs a tribute to Trouble but that was too long for the system).

Anyway, loves to all!

Liffy xxxxxxxxx

Love is free and life is cheap and as long as I've got me a place to sleep

I went and saw Frank Turner on Saturday with a few folks (although it was just me and Tarq for the actual gig because we all arrived at different time and some of us had different types of tickets) but we were all at the same place at the same time and it was awesomes! I mean I got there after a 7hr shift (where there was no sitting) to a gig (with no sitting) and I was jumping up and down and dancing and shouting the songs (whoops, and now my throat is broken... but I'm actually ill as well) and it was awesome. He was so excellent live and definitely on my list to see again :D

But that was only a couple of days ago and I haven't been on here in aaaaaages. Since then I have changed my number and I'm now 24. There have been pandas, fireworks, stress, ill, more ill, happy occurrences, food, drinks, too much drinks, far too many rehearsals, scores left right and centre, singing, dancing, shoes, love, happiness, work, posh meals, flute concertos, dresses and orange tights.

I also discovered that safety lighters have good reason to be so, since I've just singed my thumb with it. Kinda hurt but seems fine now.

Actually there are some dilemmas happening. Firstly I do many rehearsals a week (6 at the last count if I make it to all of them in a week but that depends on work and if I am well enough), and then I want to see people outside rehearsals and to have nice relaxing times, but I have to fit in all the commission work that I'm doing that I don't have time to sort out my room (and the dining room because it's messy from the last bookmouldday) that it's in a permastate of untidy. I've lost my pokemon emerald that I bought ages ago and didn't have time to start and now would rather like to but it's nowhere to be found. Really what I need to do is completely empty my room and put things back slowly and all in the right places instead of in as many corners as a box room can have, and then the sides as well, and any space in the middle. I need to reorganise my shelves, pokemon cards, desk, floor, wardrobe but where is the time?! I don't know. I nearly always have a relatively clear doorway though because I constantly start tidying whenever I've had a hurricane day and couldn't work out what to wear and everything is on the floor, and then I don't have time, or I get bored or something else happens. But at least I can get into my room I guess :)

I'm very content though. In life. Right now. This instant. No lies. I don't know how that happened and probably tomorrow I'll be off on another emotion but today, even with everything ever that is there (mostly sneezing, not talking and snufflying) I'm content. I'm not famous, I'm not special in that regard. But I have people I love and people who love me and that is all that is really important. I know so many brilliant people, who make me insanely jealous of all their wonderfulness and stuff, and I'm so lucky to have all of that. I'm contentedly overwhelmed. I used to think 'why me? why do people stay with me and talk to me?" but now it's "well why not?". This isn't arrogance (at least not intentionally) but just acceptance that I'm not that bad a person. I try hard to be nice and to not make people sad. I try to help when I can so actually it's ok. I don't need to worry about why people are there. They are. Accept it. Enjoy it. Have a great fucking time :D I mean I still stress out all the time about everything ever but I'm also ok with a lot of things too.

I am also a panda heroine. Srsface. :| It's what makes me awesome. 

You know what I like? Trees, books, flowers, dry crisp days, the future, christmas, dreams, sleeping but waking up to snuggles, music, laughing, pokemon, pandas, candy, masterchef. omg I love masterchef! It's so good and the general public can't mess it up by voting for whoever is the prettiest because it's a cookery programme and so it's people who know their stuff who choose who stays and who goes. There was a man who made a carrot cake in a plant pot. It was amazing! I wish the BBC put people's recipes (the ones that work) on the internet so people can make the things themselves. I would totally make potted carrot cake for people I know. I even know where I can get little pots from. And tin buckets! In all different colours. Could have a whole series of cute baked goods in quirky cases. I think in the tin buckets I'd put paper cases though because I don't know how the metal would effect the taste. Wouldn't want it to taste bad because that would be sad.
Although I don't want to be a chef like that. I would rather like to do confectionery. I have a book. I have a thermometer (very important). I just need a marble slab and a heavy copper pan and I can get started on most of hte basics. Well ok I'll need ingredients too but htat part is kinda obvious. I don't like cooking big things like cakes or meal dishes. I mean they're ok but not really my thing. I like making cupcakes because they're little and fun and you can put random things in and they taste awesome. My favourite is to put jam or lemon curd in them. It makes them soft and moist and flavoursome without resorting to artificial flavours. And if the jam has fruities in it then you get chunks of strawbs or whatever you chose. Or you can put the jam in the icing. Both work :D if you put jam in the sponge they don't go stale as quickly because they aren't dry to begin with. But I like making sweet things and little things. Much more interesting. I might try making biscuits because I'm meant to make some for the work "do" because we all have to take things. I reckon this means a trip round the different cookery shops/parts of shops to get some christmas themed cutters! I'll probably try to make a double batch and keep some at home for family and friends.

The only problem with that food is that it rots your teeth and is very calorific. I know you shouldn't worry too much about that kind of thing but practise means perfect and practise means lots of sweetythings to eat and eat and eat. But good fun times. And if they were good enough I could give them to people as presents and then it'd be cool because they'd be different to the ones in the shops and awesome.

Like I said I like dreaming.

I had an epic plan for a thing but now I think I might be too ill to pull it all off. Gonna try though :D it'll be exciting if it works. I'm not a planning type but some things just feel like they should happen, you know what I mean?

Tomorrow I'm going to try and sort some things out to make life even more awesome. Today I feel all the love and contentness for everything and everyone. I have some plans and some interesting things to think about over the next couple of weeks to try and put into motion. Most of which will never see fruition but if even one or two things happen then maybe the others will happen in time. I always say tomorrow. Technically this will happen today. I best sleep so I can get on with my plans. I think my brain is all bzzzted out. I can see my 24th year being awesome (although I just wondered is it not technically my 25th year since your first year doesn't have a number? Ummm... well this year anyway :D). You know what will make it awesome? I will. I will make sure it is awesome because of everything and everyone. So I will and you will. We will make it awesome come hell, high water or any other obscure weather this country would like to try!

I have love, I have life, I have a bed (or two), clothes and food. I don't need anything more.

Until next time,

all of the loves

Buttercup xxxxxxxxxxx

Wake me up, when September ends...

Things I love about Autumn:

Kicking leaves, dry crisp days, the colours, Halloween, thick wooly tights, scarves, hats, gloves, blustery days, rosy cheeks, soup, snuggling, seeing-your-breathing weather, darker nights, conkers, layered clothing, duvet nesting, swooshy coats, hot radiators, Bonfire Night, sparklers, fireworks, boots, fallen leaves, squirrels and hedgehogs, first frost.

I really really love Halloween and Bonfire night. My birthday is the day before Halloween so I've nearly always had fancy dress parties. I love dressing up, I love themes, orange, purple, green, black. I love black cats and pumpkins, ghosties and bats, witches and monsters. I love stripy tights and floaty skirts, big boots and lace. Ribbons and silliness. Candy, toffee apples and cakes. Pumpkin carving (although not the hollowing out, it's very hard work). Candles and fairylights. Nightmare Before Christmas and silly scary films. Surprisingly I've never actually been trick or treating but that no longer bothers me.

How cute is that cake? Although I would make the slices in it thicker or just sandwich one with orange cream in the middle because that looks really fiddly. Amazing though! I may have to make some fondant pumpkins though :D and other halloween sweeties! I have some wonderful cookie cutters that I got last year and haven't yet broken in so I reckon I'll do some of that closer to the time. I have pumpkin bubble pots somewhere which are really awesome, I'll probably dig them out soon too :D

Bonfire night is just awesome. All the fizz-whizz-bang and the pretty colours and the lights. Normally I hate loud noises in the dark, it normally makes me very twitchy but fireworks are just awesome. High-flying rockets, dizzying catherine wheels (when they work), glittering fountains. Spark-kissed hands from a sparkler and only wearing knitted gloves (if any at all). Indoor sparklers with the slight fear that you might set something, anything, everything on fire but just the joy of a tiny little spluttering firework in your hands with none of the cold of outside. Blazing bonfires, the smell of woodsmoke caught in your hair. Embers twirling off into the night. Toasted marshmallows, normally only done on a candle because I don't have a bonfire of my own. Watching all of the fireworks in Newcastle from my bedroom window, sleeping with the curtains open, hoping I don't miss the best ones. The ooh and the ahh (and the just a little bit (couldn't help myself there)).Warming up in the house by the radiator or a fire.

Autumn makes me so happy. I do love all the seasons but I'm an autumn baby so I have a particularly soft spot for it all. Everything is so exciting with one final burst of colour, one final push until Winter and that brings its own joys and excitements :D but that will have to wait until late November!

Loves, snuggles and duvets for all!

Buttercup xxxxxxxxxxx

Another world outside that's full of all the broken things that I made

So I've been watching this a little obsessively. Actually that's kind of a lie, I've been listening to the album version of the track which is a different video but the official video is quite interesting. I really rather like Deadmau5. Some of their stuff is a bit repetitive but on the whole it's a nice sound and has some really interesting beats.

I especially like that Gerard Way is doing the lyrics because I love his voice. I'm also very much looking forward to the album when it comes out because there is a track with Imogen Heap on it and that is (I hope) going to be excellent :D.

It's music that makes me want to dance.

I've been reading many, many books recently. I have had a book since I was back in middle school that Lomyr bought me and and I never read because it was hard and there were no chapter breaks and very few section breaks and I would always forget what had been happening because it was a slow sort of book (but not a bad one). Anyway that is called The Midnight Folk and I finally finished it. So, thought I, I better get the sequel, The Box Of Delights, and read that sooner rather than later because otherwise I'll not remember the first one and then things will get complicated. Whilst I waited for that to turn up from amazon I read the first two books of the Chronicles Of Ancient Darkness (of which until recently I only had book 2 and 4, but the Oxfam bookshop had the correct cover first book in for only £3 and I snaggled that). They were super quick to read and excellent too. The type that you can't put down and you finish within a day because one, they are children's books/young adult (I don't know where they lie in that area) and thus they have no complicated language or phrasing and everything just fits nicely, and two, the stories were fabulous.

I went back to the Oxfam shop and picked up the remaining books that I don't have so when I finish TBoD I can finish that series too (quite possibly within this week, which for me is amazingly fast. I must have concentration currently).

 

Annoyingly my Spirit Walker appears to be slightly larger than the other and my Outcast is a hardback but all copies are in these pretty covers :D

What is interesting about TBoD is the fact that I know the story so well. Every Christmas we used to watch the film of the book and even now when I read it the voices are so ingrained that I can hear quite a few of them and some of the phrases I can hear perfectly (because surprisingly the film seems to have stuck so closely to the book). It's so much easier to read with already knowing how everything goes (although I don't remember the end very well so that should be awesome). Also there are chapters and I like chapters because they give me a page count to aim for within the book rather than just the overall page count at the end.

I'm also back to copying Princess Ida in the hopes that I can start The Grand Duke this weekend. I always seem to have lots of things on and nothing at all, at the same time. My time is weird and I don't understand it at all. So currently I'm filling it all with lots of reading. I'm on target to have read, on average, one book a week for this year which is awesome because I hoped I would be able to do that. Read more of the books I have so I can justify buying lots more new books :D an neverever ending cycle of lots of books! 

I've just noticed it's WEDNESDAY! Might give you a cheeky Wishlist even though I haven't in ages!

Non-transitive (awesome blue one).

I like dice :D in particular, interesting ones and opposites.

Technically I just want to go out dancing but fluffies are pretty awesome!

Baby woluf hat so howling at the moon is even more awesome! Possibly a fluffy one would be better though.

Loves and taters

Buttercup xxxxx

In the dark of the night just before dawn

I finished a book this morning that was actually very good. It was one of those "I'm going to put this book down now because I've read a lot of it but somehow it's now back in my hand only five minutes later" type of books. It wasn't mindblowing, it wasn't groundbreaking but it was interesting and that was nice.

I picked it up because the cover intrigued me. That whole saying of don't judge a book by it's cover? Ha! Some of my favourite books I picked up because I liked the cover, it's an excellent way to judge a book. I mean yes it doesn't always work and really in life you shouldn't judge things by covers but I find if it has a pretty cover I'm more likely to pick it up. The book that is, not random people :P

It is a little confusing though because there are three threads of story throughout although two of them become closer and closer together. One is the past/present, one is future/present (it depends on which bit you are reading although theoretically I think they are all written in past tense but so really it's past/past and future/past but nyeeeeeeh) and the other (which is less frequent) is present/second-person. That one is weird but quite nice because not many authors ever use it.

There are two main characters; Celia and Marco. There is a mysterious circus. There is magic and illusion, monochomacity. There is a game that some call a challenge. It is mostly set 1880-1900.

Really instead of reading I should have been working on the Princess Ida score that I'm copying. I've got to part way through act 2 finale and I've stopped. part of it is because my laptop doesn't fit on my desk anymore and thus I can't do my now usual dual screenage. That means I should tidy but that is such a mammoth task that I don't start because it's scary. One could almost say that it is scrry biscuits. I have been doing little bits, the bits that I find fun. Mostly organising my books. I can see the order in them and where they need to go and how best to maximise space so it is nice and easy to do. Normal tidying where a thing could go there, or there or over here and even somewhere completely different, is hard because I don't know where it would be best to put and so I don't put it anywhere except maybe a little to the left of where it was, or in the ever growing piles of stuff on my floor. When I have my own place someday my bedroom is going to contain a bed and some wardrobes and that is it (or thereabouts). No computer, most books elsewhere (obviously not the current read if I have been reading in bed). No instruments. No piles of stuff. All of that can go in other rooms. Ah I can only dream of this as a thing so far (and probably only ever dream of this as a thing because really, I'm going to end up with crap in my room regardless because that is what I am like :P).

I should go back to more productive things than procrastinating on here. The internet is a terrible and wonderful thing. Terribly wonderful and wonderfully terrible :D

Loves,

Buttercup xxxxx

And he made a little fiddle of her own breast bone

I found a thing on tumblr and I was just going to tell you about it but here is a link as well because then it makes my job a lot easier and less boring, also pi'tures :D

The thing I found on tumblrs!

Anyway the whole thing made me realise that whilst I believe that three of the best sammiches in the world are the following; ham & pease pudding, peanut butter & cucumber and ham, carrot & cucumber (ones for on a regular basis made with standard food found in the fridge), I certainly do not make interesting sandwiches ever. Most of the time I only make peanut butter ones because I feel like if I'm going to have bread it might as well have filling. (I do often, frequently, actually frequently, just eat ham straight from the packet because om nom and I always find that ham (unless you make an actual doorstop of the stuff) is really easily lost in flavours within sandwiches... it is also partially because I am lazy and that is easier and also bread is very stodgy).

I keep misplacing hairbobbles and this is a bother! Why do they always disappear all the time. Also why has insomnia returned? I was doing so damned well too!

Normally when I'm out and about and fancy a sandwich type dealy (normally this is a toastie or a panini) it is majoratively ham and cheese (although the last was BBQ chicken, bacon and cheese which was nomalicious!) (Found a hair bobble which makes life much better with hair off my face and neck). But so this website has made me think, it would be awesome to make interesting mini sandwiches (mini because it makes it more of a challenge and I don't feel overstodged with bread) but I can't think of cool ideas and it would require ingredients and things. I am pretty lazy after all, maybe I'll just imagine awesome sandwiches instead. Like I imagine making awesome cakes and then don't because Jona is better at making cakes and I just feel a tad fail in the end.

Two albums arrived over the past couple of days; Brave OST and Julie Fowlis -Uam (who is on the Brave OST)

I realise that I'm a little obsessed with Brave currently and while I do hope this will wane a little I don't really mind if it doesn't at all. However it is JF that I am mostly considering here. On Brave she sings in English (which was weird because Uam came first and thus I listened to that first), on Uam (which means 'from me') she sings approximately half a song in English and the rest in Scottish Gaelic. As part of the lyrics booklet there are both the lyrics and the English translations which is actually pretty awesome.

The music is lovely and folky and has some excellent folky harmonies and there is one piece that is a capella which is wonderful (Ho bha mi, he bha mi - it has accents on the o and the e but I can't be bothered to find them on here). I definitely want more of her stuff as it is very chilled but also awesome.

I've been having thinking on writing. It may be a story within the world of Snow but completely nothing to do with that at all but maybe just set in a similar world instead because it may be too hard to link them properly without going back and reworking a lot of things (which I can do if it bothers me I guess but isn't a necessity because no one will know but me :P) and as far as I can tell there is magic and dragons because these things are awesome. I also want it to be set northwards. Hills and mountains and forests and snow (not Snow but the weather variety that he is named after although I guess if it is the same 'realm' then it would plausibly be someone like Snow causing that... aaaaahh complicated!). It's purely writing my own escapism but that's cool with me :) Since I have an area that helps me a little, I have a couple of characters forming, no names which is a bother, but hopefully they'll solidify a little. I have absolutely no plot at all :D as far as I'm concerned it can be a free for all!

Until later, loves

Buttercup xxxxxxxx

I will ride, I will fly, chase the wind and touch the sky

I don't really remember how much time has passed since my last blog. It says the last post was 25th June but that doesn't mean an awful lot in real money to me. I have a few milestones but they all seem to happen in one lump at the start of August and really nothing happened in July.

• My books acquired mould again, very much against what I had hoped but that is the way life is. I still don't have my primary bookshelves anymore, which makes my room look bigger but sader because books are lovely! It chose to occur when no-one was at home except for me (of course) and so that was hella stressface all over!
• Printing orchestral scores is a pain in the arse and highly stressful too. I don't recommend it to anyone (unless you are a professional printer or you enjoy inducing stress in your life, in which case by all means and do you fancy doing mine in the future?). However the scores looked pretty good even with the few hiccups that occurred, but we'll know better for next time :D
• Putting one half of my first pet to sleep. This was very much the most traumatic and it was worse because parents weren't home to deal with such issues (so I made Jonaface deal with the vets for me) and Tarq was in all day rehearsals which he couldn't miss. Her sister is still with me but I worry that she's going to get les mis (because rattybums do so). I still love her to pieces though.
• Iolanthe. After all that stress and sad the show was pretty good. I'm still apprehensive about it but mostly because I just wish I could do better. However I have been told that it sounded and looked fabulous so that's all that really matters :D that and everyone seemed to have a fantastic time! In fact I'm going to elaborate a little on Iolanthe thoughts right here and now but in a haphazard sort of way :P

Score carrying, constant rechecking, front seat, Panda driving, Les Miserables belting and half casting, over the mountain, through little villages, remeeting and new meeting, little cottage, spiral staircases, lots of talking, fun times and laughing, expensive taxi, cosy bedding, early morning, detour breakfast (not open, back to tescos), flute and piccolo playing, photo taking, wrists breaking, parent meeting, performance time, new dress (very exciting), avoiding anyone in white, pretty sure lunch was somewhere, showtime starting, not bad overture, photos midperformance, MD missing, 2nd act, applause, packing up, get out quick, dump stuff, Panda, pubtime talking, soup snack eating, chinese foodles, tastynom, travel back home with acquired Annak, sleep times again, lazy start, dreams are shattered and ice cream is dust, dreams reborn, TINY TRAIN, sweetie shop, breakfast time, 14 rolls and 16 rolls, old books and dice, new books and maps, Penistone and being sworn at by locals, tiredout, home time.

• Started second job, it was pretty good and easy enough (we were on a quiet bar that served the boxes so there was minimal customer contact). Hoping to get many more shifts but certainly don't have enough hours to move out yet >:( it is all of the rubbish.

Those are all the things that I think I have done of note recently. I haven't really been up to much, taking a break from G&S because MY GOD too much in one week much! Although I do miss G&S uni group and it's weekly rehearsals and seeing those people and I miss G&S second group (I don't remember if I gave names anywhere but I try not to use any names ever in anything because I enjoy it :P) and the people there, I will be very much glad when it all starts up again even though that means stresstastic times for me as I have two scores currently in progress and another two that may or may not make an appearance (one my brother is dealing with... aaaat some point and the other isn't confirmed yet). This whole G&S malarky seems to take over lives and I swore I wouldn't let it happen but it has and I'm not 100% complaining :P not yet anyway!

Last night I was lying in bed and my brain was composing. I was writing music and I thought to myself, should I get up (even though I've already gone to bed and am starting to go to sleep) and write and write and write (or possibly sit in front of a computer screen and curse my inability to create the things that are in my head even though they are there and waiting) or sleep at a decent time (like I have been for quite a few nights now) and hope that inspiration does not desert me. I chose the latter and inspiration did indeed desert me like a stealthy thing in the night. WHICH IS A MAJOR BOTHER! *mental salute to Maj. B* I am forever losing these moments and yes I should have just got out of bed and hoped that I wasn't still working on things until 4am but I didn't and blah!

It was after watching Brave (which, by the way, made me cry more than once because I am a sap and Pixar are just too good at everything) and the whole folky music style thing which I've been wanting to do for ages because I've been contemplating writing music with a purpose but haven't quite got round to doing anything about it. Maybe I should do some concept arts on the matter and make an immersive world and scenes and stuff and compose to that but anyway, it got me totally wired and thinking about stuff that I wanted and I was getting little riffs and instrumentation and linking phrases from one to the other and it was awesome and now it's all gone (verysadface).

Brave reminded me that I wanted to learn Gaelic (technically I wanted to learn Irish Gaelic because I love Clannad's music but Scottish Gaelic would be just as fun). Actually one thing I didn't quite get was the ages of people when they were young. Those three tiny boys, I have no idea how old they are meant to be but they seem older than their stature would make you presume. They are brilliant though. The whole thing is wonderful and I'm so glad that they made it.

I'm also hella glad that I've ordered the ost already so that when it arrives I can listen to it and hopefully be inspired. I'll have to work fast on concept arts and things for what I want to do although whether I can get everything done in time is another matter.

I also want to try and plan another NaNoWriMo but I don't know if I can, at least not in time for this November, but it's always worth trying, if I don't start now then November will be here and then it will be too late to plan for this one but too early to pressure me into planning for the next one. I'm just not sure where or when I want to set. I mean I never specify in any of my stories on that matter but is it a dystopian future, a rural past, a parallel to our own time? This planetesque? Outer spaceesque? I have a few, really I should work on L'u and Dust but I worry it's too similar to other stories I know but since I'm never going to publish it does it really matter? I worry I don't have enough to get me going but then even though I planned Snow for about 3 years I didn't know a lot about the story until I started NaNo. Will I jsut end up recycling characters too much? Will I always have an emphasis on music even accidentally that it bores people?

I should really finish Snow. I mean it has beginning, middle and end but somewhere in the middle it got to the bit that I couldn't be bothered to write out fully and so I did it in note form. I mean I still hit 50k in the month but it's not a complete novel currently and it's been a couple of years since I tackled it so I might be ok delving back into it. I should also look at what material I can salvage from previous writings, I have so many snippets, mostly from the same type of universe, that I should try and bring, at least the ideas from, together. I don't want to be a writer, many of my friends either do or have gone through that as an idea, but I don't want to be a writer at all. I don't really want to have a job that relies too much on a constant stream of creativity. I just want to get ideas flowing, concepts brewing, world creating!

I'm just finishing the fourth (and final?) book in an excellent "twilight" series:

I was rather surprised 1. with the fact that for once Blogger has let me place the covers in the correct order with minimal fuss (comparatively) and 2. that this Russian series has a lot more to offer than the first film shows. If I remember correctly the first film is actually the first third of The Night Watch (the book) (although I was aware of something that happened in The Day Watch (book) that I think happens in TNW (film) which kinda confused me). It is certainly an interesting series and ok, yes, yet again we have magicians, witches, vampires and werewolves (and others) but it seems to be covered in a thick dusty layer of realistic grey and brown (like so many computer games these days that are known as "gritty realism"). However this does not detract from it (actually it is very much more grey than brown based on the twilight levels but that is something that should be read about and not spoilerised) and certainly takes away all this Disneyfication that fantasy has taken to doing currently (I'm thinking Harry Potter, Twilight and all that spawned after it). Although yes those books are for children/YA but this (whilst only found in the sci-fi/fantasy section in book shops, well away from YA/kids etc.) isn't exactly difficult to read and could have gone down the whole vampires are misunderstood/evil route but kind of sits in the middle of vampires are just vampires like people are just people. Not everyone is "evil" even if they are Dark and not everyone is "good" even if they are Light. It doesn't do a whole lot of moral stories though, just that people (or in this case Others) are just as unfortunate and messed up as everyone else. They are branded as one type or another but means about as much as the branding of a football team in the reality of everything. It's very good and the covers are excellent, imo.

I only had the first and the last to begin with. I had picked up the first I think new from Waterstones or somewhere, probably in a sale or in a special offer, because it was pristine and it is unlikely that you get those from secondhands. The last was a charity shop buy (Oxfam if I remember correctly but that might be a fabrication). When I started on the first and discovered that I was enjoying it I jumped straight onto amazon.co.uk and bought the next one (and then the third even though it would have made more sense to buy both at the same time but I'm trying really, really, really hard not to buy new books currently so though it best to wait and see on the matter and it came almost just in time for me to start reading after finishing the second book). One of the most interesting things about it though is less on the stories (which are good) and the writing (which is also very nice) but that when it mentions a thing that occurred in another book there is an asterisk and a note telling you where this information comes from. It happens not too often that you want to hit either the author, or the translator, or the publisher for allowing it to be on the page, but just often enough that it jogs memories when things are mentioned. My favourite one (and so far has only happened once and I'm half way through the second story of book 4) is on page 78 of The Last Watch:

"This story is told in the movies Night Watch and Day Watch."

I was amused :3

I've probably wittered enough for now (and maybe the next couple of months or so :P) and I want to try and finish this book tonight because things are getting intense and it's exciting! Maybe next time a little less rambly and a few more pictures? Although my blogs are nearly always more a higher ramble to picture ratio, I think it's just the way I am (and I use this as a omg-all-of-my-brain-be-out-on-this-digitalised-form-of-paper).

Love and fluffythings,

Buttercup xxxxxxxxx

It just takes some time, little girl, you're in the middle of the ride

Today I finally became a member of the WWF (the panda people not the wrestling people) and also adopted a panda at the same time. I mean obviously I haven't adopted an actual panda (although that would be epicness in the extreme) but £3 of my money a month goes specifically towards pandas and £3 goes towards general conservation. That's £6 (although I do not doubt anyone's mathematical skills here except my own) and when I told mama that she was surprised and said it was a lot. But I considered this... that's less than one hour of work a month. It's between 2 and 4 drinks at a bar (at least it is for my drinks :P). It's nothing. I don't know why I haven't done it sooner, I just keep putting everything off until tomorrow and tomorrow never seems to come for those things so slowly working through the things in life that I want to do. Part of that is saving pandas. 

I can't wait until my little panda toy comes in the post.  I'll need to think of an awesome name for it.

I will also admit that I love red pandas too. They can be just as cute but look nothing like pandas. The name is somewhat misleading.

They're kinda raccoony. Very cute though and the ones I saw in London loved to sleep ALL THE TIME (that we were there anyway), lazy buggers.

I'm feeling pretty awesome recently. Medication is only required sporadically now and things are happy. Currently my blogname is a little inaccurate but I don't want to tempt fate too much :P But really I am more (on average) content than I have been in a very long time. The only bad thing about life right now is that I don't have enough time (that is useful) to see Blue and other peoples. That is the main problem with societies and rehearsals and shows and concerts, I have too many of them all the time at the times when other people (apart from those in the said socs etc.) are free to meet ups and when I do finally have a day off I just want to hermitise and not see people to catch up with everything else ever that I need to do here at home.

I'm looking at getting a second job (waiting back on an interview I just had so fingers crossed) which yay more money and yay I might plausibly be able to move out if I get enough hours (although it looks unlikely and thus I will need a third job before I can do that ¬¬) but serious boo because I won't be able to see people even more than I do currently. I'm hoping that summer hols will give me some extra time to catch up with folks.

There are not enough hours in the day or elsewise it would be beneficial if sleep was not a requirement of life.

Life is a funny thing, we spend so many hours wasting our time procrastinating and then we discover that we don't have enough hours in the days left to do everything we want to. It is both hideously short and plausibly the longest thing we will ever know (afterlife may or may not be included subject to availability). I wish life was a bit like a game like Persona4 where you can complete the game and then restart it with all your skills from the previous game so that you could just concentrate on one thing and then be able to do more next time round, if you so desired to do things that way. I wouldn't change the route only how much I do. To be honest I don't even particularly regret the procrastination (which would be my only regret if I had such things).

Loves to all, Lif xxxxxx

Reality is a lovely place but I wouldn’t want to live there

I said my next post was going to be pictures but I can't sleep and I want to witter and ramble and so things are not as planned. Actually quite a few plans are going awry but that's just the way life goes really, and they're not going badly just not how they were planned.

I've been looking further into recorders. Apparently the treble I bought from Tynemouth market for £5 is worth about £50 in shops which is pretty cool, but also interestingly it's not a good beginner's one, which explains why things have been more tricky with it than I had hoped when I was starting out. It does however have a lovely tone and so I'm happy regardless. Been looking into getting some Handel music for it (grade 4-6 standard) because once the show I'm in is over I won't have anything recordery to practise and it would be nice to get even better (and maybe understand what notes relate to which fingerings rather than just knowing the patterns that the music follows)! Only downside is that the book of recorder sonatas on amazon is apparently just the piano score and so the recorder part is teeny tiny. Or maybe the book the reviewer got was just the piano score... who knows. Anyway I found some on IMSLP but it's recorder and basso continuo. For those not in the know that means that there is the recorder line and a bass line with numbers written above it. Baroque players would know what chords and improv. harmony would fit by reading these numbers but sadly I don't remember what most of them mean and so I'm going to have to find a crib sheet and work it out. Slightly exciting though to restart on that kind of thing. It feels like ages since I did any proper academic stuff.

Pre-baroque treble

Medieval double recorder [Listen here]

Electroacoustic recorder, somewhat steampunk :D

Standard baroque treble recorder in dark wood

I am curious as to how the pre-baroque ones sound with the different fingering system and I most certainly want the double and an electroacoustic (because how sweet would that be!). I am currently a little recorder obsessed I know... :P

I looked at getting a sopranino recorder. I can get a yamaha one on amazon for about £7 which, as it is stupidly cheap, is probably quite crappy but it would be in F (standard recorders are either in C or in F, the treble that I am learning is in F and thus I want other F instruments rather than trying to now learn descant which is in C or tenor (also in C), probably best not to get into the variations on Baroque and Renaissance replica recorders as they seem to be in multiple keys and I'm not sure how that variates the fingerings) and the only other practical recorder in F is a bass but that is still a couple of £hundred at cheapest. The sole review of this yamaha instrument was that it was not a soprano recorder and it wasn't wooden and it was misleading and they couldn't play it because their fingers weren't small enough. Despite the description saying it was a sopranino, in F, made of ABS resin. Some people just complain and make excuses when they only have themselves to blame. Silly person. It is tempting though, although I could get an Aulos, like my treble, for £20 which would probably be a better instrument. All very contemplatey.

Ok something else... some pretty pictures?

Venice

I am going to be so very tired by tomorrow night. I'm really glad it is half term right now otherwise I'd be more than a little concerned at the fact that I'm not yet asleep. Sadly thought I don't think I'll be able to get up as early as I would like to see Blue tomorrow, which I was so looking forward to spending as much time as I can before my rehearsal. I don't know where my caffeine pills are either so I don't know if I'll be able to wake myself up chemically either.

Actually the bit I'm dreading the most is falling asleep on the bus over to Blue. Buses, for some reason, tend to make me sleepy on the best of days. When I'm actually tired they're terrible. I can see me falling asleep and ending up at one of the termination points (depending on when I wake up and if the driver chucks me off at the one in town). It'll just be such a bother. I mean if I'm too tired to go out tomorrow then I'll just have to pass on going out but normally I'll be dead during the day and then wake up at about 8 or 10pm and run off adrenaline for a while.

Oh god, one minute... yup, it's well and truly past dawn. Tendrils of mist linger in the corners of the field opposite and the sky is a composite of pastel pinks and blues. It's tempting to pull an all nighter now. To go back to Theme Hospital and just game until it's time to "get up" and continue life... but that is plausibly a terrible plan... I've already tried to sleep once tonight and my meds are still not kicking in. I suppose I better boost the dosage. Oh well...

Love to all,

Buttercup xxxxxxxx

I must be ahundred and nine, burning, burning, burning.

So... I'm having difficulty working out how to word all of this brainmush that's leaking out all over this metaphorical page. It's being a little impossible so I guess today we'll have to cope with my sporadic thoughts. There's just a bit more going on in there than usual.

First of all I've just finished an hour or so practising for the G&S summer show. There are some pretty tricky moments in a few of the pieces but there is one piece that is somewhat troubling me more than most and that's a piece from Floradora called "Tell Me Pretty Maiden" (not a G&S piece in case you were wondering and don't already know). In theory it's not that difficult. The issue is that it is on treble recorder and this is not an instrument that I am familiar with playing, certainly not before starting this piece. From what I can estimate using my knowledge of grade music for flute this is about grade 5 or 6 (guesstimation) which isn't bad going for someone who didn't know the fingerings for any notes until recently.

I mean it's obviously somewhat easier with the fact that I can already read music and I have a vague idea of how descant recorder works but the notes are all in the wrong place! It's so confusing >.< However I have been thinking, and it is a rather lovely instrument to play, that maybe I should learn some actual graded music. Not pass any grades because that's expensive and I would probably need a teacher and stuff, but just know the equivalent grade that I would be. Learn the scales, the music, maybe even buy some sight reading test books that instrument teachers seem to own, just to know the standard of that. I don't really need to go through the aural tests, I've done those to grade 8 flute.

I just think it would be nice to see how well I can do with it as an instrument. The main issue comes under which board I follow. Now most people would think that this only matters if you're actually taking the tests but if I follow ABRSM which is the standard in most schools, then I can just learn treble and everything is good. But if I follow The Royal Conservatory Of Music then for grade 1 I need to learn either descant or tenor and by grade 2 you can use a variety of different recorders. Later on you must use more than one recorder within your exam. So either route could be interesting and change things quite dramatically. I might learn via the ABRSM one until I can get more recorders. I only have a descant and treble right now but a tenor or a bass one would be pretty damned awesome.

I just think since I am putting quite a bit of effort in now it would be nice to carry it on with other pieces and maybe keep it open as an option for future shows.

 

I have a few projecty type ideas going on too. Something that isn't just music copying. I mean I'll have that for a while yet, quite possibly for a few years, but it would be nice to have things outside that. I want to get back to composition work. I always find it hard to motivate myself when I don't have an end goal. There will be no mark at the end and no teacher to guide me in my ideas. I would ask my friends to give me feedback but I'm always 100% nervous of everything that they might think ever and maybe they'll hate it and think I'm stupid. So... I'm not paranoid at all about that :P. I mostly just need to get to it and do things. Jump off the board and see what's at the bottom. I have half considered composing for the next couple of years and then maybe doing a masters in composition and dissertation but all of that is scary and I don't even know if I can still compose anymore.

I have some early saplings of beginnings of ideas. I'm trying not to rush them too much, because I tend to get caught up in the ideas for a week or so and then they leave. Part of the issue there though, is that the one main one I have in my mind currently will take a lot of prep work before actual composition so I don't know if it will get anywhere. Would be epicly good though if it did.

The other side of that is that I need to get some research in. My dissertation work would be within the realms of video game music but I still have no angle. No interesting theme or question to solve. I most just want to analyse. I enjoy looking at how themes have progressed over time or how the music from one game differs to another from its series but is still the same thoughts even if the composers are different and none of the notes are the same. I like looking at how they've developed a piece of music that originated on 8 bit into a full orchestral theme.I like listening to how they've made the music fit to what's happening on the screen. How they've used things in an interesting manner. It's the kind of stuff I want to compose. Music with a purpose, with recurring themes but also ambiance that, without the game or the image, might make little sense other than it is a series of rhythms and notes. I mean I don't need to do post-grad work to do any of that, I can just do it for fun, but it would be nice.

 

I've been enjoying the weather recently. It's a bit greyer at the moment but it's still very warm for me and it's nice. I like not having to wrap up in stupid amounts of layers just to feel almost human, rather than ice. It was even better when it was actual sunshine but then it was too hot in the kitchen and so work was kinda hellish.

One of my main issues with all the things I want to do; they all cost so much money! Ok some don't cost a great deal but if I'm to learn recorder better I need music and music costs money. Post-grad? That's a whole lotta money. That's part of the problem. I can't justify some of it moneywise and until I am in a comfortable enough position then I won't be able to. The recorder music I can acquire over time and it won't be very much which is good but I would certainly have to wait if I wanted to buy another recorder. We may be able to say "money doesn't matter" but it is required to do pretty much anything in life, and if you want to do a lot of things you need to acquire a lot of money. I know that this leads to the concept that I need another/different job that gives me more money but that's easier said than done. I'll have to do a blanket of CVs and kick start all of that all over again. It's a bit demoralising but needs to be done if I want more money and thus more freedom!

 

However I can enjoy reading and listening to music for free because I have so many books and unlistened to tracks (and failing that I still have dvds I haven't finished and games I haven't played) so I can do that whilst I save my money for awesome things. I'm meant to be saving and have £1k in savings by the end of the year but it does not look like that is going to happen. I just enjoy shopping too much...  If I'm to hit target starting next payment month I need to save £141 from each £250/300 payment I get... so I don't really see that happening at all. It's not including any birthday or christmas money that I might get. It is possible though. It's not like I actually do much, I just like shopping too much :P but I'm sure I can survive on £100 a month. I don't have rent or bills to pay. I just need to pay for travelling and food when I'm not at home... yeaaaaaaaaaah.

 

I've been trying to be more active. More exercise and things. It's difficult though because I am lazy and exercise is effort. I need somewhere where I can go dancing or something. Or maybe hathayoga. I never know where you can go for these things and then I get scared because I'll be going by myself and I won't know anyone and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH scrry biscuits! I think I would really enjoy yoga though. All stretches and things but still activey. I want to do one with a bit of movement although I have heard that it is very soothing to do in general and that would be nice. Stress relief and all that. But also feeling good about myself and getting endorphins and things. It would be all very good. Just need to motivate myself do go do! I'm getting there...

 

I'm also a lot happier currently than I have been in a long time. It's a nice feeling. Although sleeping still isn't working and now I'm cutting out my snacking habits so it might fall somewhat there. But let's work on the positives rather than the negatives! There should be no room made for negatives. Realisticness yes, unrequired negativity does not need to be in my presence. I like being happy.

There are some bads. There are some sads. But they will not overcome me. By the power of greyskull and all that nonsense. I'm just a bit optimistic today is all.

Hopefully next time I write it'll be at least a little bit of a picture round :)

All of the loves, Buttercup

xxxxxxxxxxxx