You don't really know why but you want justify rippin' someone's head off

Some days all I need to do is rant so please excuse me whilst I do such things.

I actually started planning this in my head whilst watching Explosions In The Sky at The Sage a few nights ago (they were fab just my mind tends to wander especially when there are no lyrics to follow - shoegazing instrumental music). There are three things that people do (on a regular basis around me) that really, really bothers me.

1. Litterbugs. It's pretty much my number 1 hate. Ok, remember when I said it was based on things that people do around me? Yeah, that's important to note! Because really genocide and animal cruelty would be higher but I'm not in contact with things like that, not on a regular basis.

I see so many people around here drop litter and cigarette butts. It's just unnecessary. We have bins on most street corners (and in the more urban areas we have them in the middle of streets and part way down and everything). There is absolutely no need to litter at all. Yet they do. I see people litter beside bins. Like they're walking past them and drop litter just past it or before it. Why?! The world is already being destroyed by us. There is tarmac and pollution and general disease that is caused by us and yet, fair enough you can't fix that part easily just being one person, you don't need to add to it by being a troll! It makes me so ragey!

2. Acts of senseless and random violence and destruction.

One night someone walked around the streets where I live and slashed at least one tire on each car they passed. Someone once threw a brick through mama's car window for no reason, I say no reason because nothing was stolen. I've seen cars and motorbikes set on fire during my earlier years. Broken glass in bus shelters, phone boxes and shop windows. The rioting last year. I just don't understand the point.

What is the reasoning behind just breaking things? I get wanting to rip up a bad picture that I've drawn or smashing up a cake that's gone wrong but why break other people's things? It just seems unfair. And especially breaking council property like bus shelters because then they'll complain that there's no money anywhere, well yeah, you are costing them a fortune in repairs.

3. Talking in concerts.

This is mostly why I started thinking about this at a gig. It was a sitting down gig at The Sage. To me, sitting down gigs or concerts mean a certain level of respect, if only because the people around you can't move somewhere else if you are being too noisy. We had this issue at the Evanescence concert. Two men, sitting behind Blue and me talking non-stop. I say talking, this term is loosely applied since I could hear them more than the band. If you want to sit and talk over music, buy the cd (most artists have a live one out if you need to have the atmosphere) and shout in your own home. It'll save you money and my rage.

I'm ok with occasional comments, the "ooh that was a nice bit", "look at him what the hell is he doing?" "this is so awesome" etc. but incessant shouting? STFU.

Tonight I'm feeling annoyed because I want some software to do some music work that isn't the usual Sibelius. I love sib and we get on very well but I'm wanting a DAW (digital audio workstation). I was looking into ProTools because I've used that at uni. Not only is it crazy ass expensive but also requires hardware to run it. I looked into Audacity and Ardour because they are free but Audacity looks like what MSPaint is to Adobe Photoshop and Ardour isn't available for Windows. Mac and Linux yes but Windows no. I'm going to try the FL Studio (formally Fruity Loops) demo but my main issue is that if I do discover that it's awesome I'm going to have to pay about $300 for it and owies that's a lot of money. I'll let you know how I do with the demo though.

On the plus side I've mostly got my midi keyboard working. It is a great little keyboard but I haven't worked out how to use it correctly with Sibelius. Mostly just a volume sensitivity issue which I need to work out how to resolve.

I wonder how people who create electronic based music start out because all this software is expensive and then all the hardware like mics and instruments and mixing desks and stuff is expensive. Then you normally need a Mac of some description because they are better for music (or at least have more software and hardware). So how do you start out? Or do they start out by using the software that is available at school/college/uni and build from there. I wish I had used the studios at uni a lot more than I did. Problem was my best time for working and desire to experiment with things like that is 9pm onwards and that was highly impractical for getting the bus home.

I just want to make nice musics and feeling like I'm hitting a brick wall at every turn.

The worst part is is that for once I had ideas of things I wanted to do. I was feeling generally creative and now it's 11:30 and I need to go to bed soon because I have a G&S rehearsal tomorrow. Great though it is being in G&S it doesn't half suck up my creative time when it's almost showtime. But yes I was feeling creative with two compositional ideas getting really juicy and one other idea that is just popping by but I can't do anything with them because I don't have the soft/hardware. 

I just want to be awesome, but it's so much hard work T_T

Nanight lemonies, Buttercup xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

There's a zombie on your lawn

So currently I'm playing a few games quite a lot and I thought I would talk a bit on them. Firstly the pc games.

Jona (brother) bought me the Game Of The Year Edition of this on steam. I've already almost completed it on Xbla (Xbox360 Live) (only got one achievement left to get - 40 waves on endless) but I really like my tower defence games and this one is rather good (that and steam had a sale~). It's pretty user friendly, it's basic enough that it's accessible to almost anyone but has enough difficulty that it isn't boring. The graphics are cheerful and the music isn't all that bad.

I've already completed the first play though and I'm well on my way through the second. I'm not sure why I find this so addictive but I do. Do you want to know my favourite part? The Zen garden. I'm not even joking, my favourite part (after completing the main game) is growing plants and picking up new plants from either Crazy Dave or on other levels. As the name Zen suggests, it's soothing. The music is nice and I like finding out what new plants I have acquired. It sounds ridiculous I know, especially when I'm so absolutely terrible at keeping plants alive in real life.

Any way, essentially I love this game because you can just turn it on and play for a short burst of time. There's no plot at all so that's not an issue and each level is about 5 to 10 minutes long (except for each last level of the area which is a double level).When my 360 was in my room I would play it a lot on that and now it's on my computer I'm playing it a lot at the moment. 'Chievo hunting (because the achievements on Steam are different to the Xbla ones).

Ahh good old Minecraft. I don't actually play this as often as I seem to make out. In fact I haven't played this in a couple of months and have only just reinstalled it today after the windows overhaul. Jona mentioned that the sheep had been altered so they are producing wool again after shearing (which I was having a major issue with last time) so I thought I would open it again and have a mooch. They've also added apples a a tree drop which is fab.

I do love this game, mostly because I just like building a nice house and then going off on a wander around the countryside and through the caverns and caves. I like exploring, although really I should head off to the Nether and the End at some point but that's kinda where all the scary things live.

I tend to play this game solidly for about a week (in a darkened room because it makes it easier) and then after that week appear, bleary eyed and blinking at the sun, and don't play it for about a month. It is a good game but I overkill on it. This is how I play most games really. I play them for hours each day and then stop. Then when I finally get back to them I'm all "dude, why did I stop? This game is AWESOME!". As it is I'm in the early stages of building a house (making the walls out of dirt and any other random materials that don't require tools to gain, because I like to play it out perfectly and dirt is easiest to change). I have already found sheep and pigs near by and I'm situated next to the sea. It should be fun so I'll let you know how I get on.

On Xbox I'm playing this: Dynasty Warriors: Gundam 3, another game that Jona bought me (this time for christmas). We are somewhat collecting these games (currently own DW1 (PS), DW2 (PS2), DW3 Strike force (I think, PS2), DW5 Empires (Xbox360), DW6 (Xbox360), Tactics (PS2), Warriors Orochi 1+2 (Xbox360) and DW Gundam 1, 2 (still with Anth, I really should get that back) and 3. DW in original format is about the Romance of the Three Kingdoms in China and the warring that happened then. You generally play as one of the factions (Wu, Shu or Wei) and as a person from one of those. Throughout the game you unlock new people to play as and stuff. It's hack and slash in the extreme (press x to win). Orochi takes DW and Samurai warriors (a spin off from the same game company) and some demons and makes them all fight because some demon dude called Orochi decided that would be cool. It's quite fun because Jona and I are sitting there going "you don't fight together, you hate each other!" or "Lu Bu!? No one defeats Lu Bu!" and then steal his horse Red Hare (the fastest in any of the games). It's certainly interesting but the plot is pretty meh whatever. Mostly we have it for more co-op game play and because, like I said, they're fun. Hack and slash is awesomes.

Gundam is basically the same except with mechas. 1 and 2 followed the same formulae and were almost ctrl+c, ctrl+v of each other with some slight graphics changes. The story was the same, the campaigns were the same. It was the same game. Kinda disappointing. Actually one of them has the option for Japanese speech and the other doesn't. I don't remember which one but the American voices aren't too good (especially when they keep saying the same thing when they take a base/kill a named guy/kill x amount of people).

DWas of yet. Also the plot is different (although essentially the same as Orochi). There are also a million chapters and missions to do (mostly copy/paste but that's fine) so I'm going to be taking a while on it. It is good if you're angry, upset or insomniac though. Many a night has been spent on DW6 with Jona and they're good fun. Just don't play them for plot, or interesting things happening. They're all kill loads of guys and then kill the big bad boss at the end. Sometimes there are "save this guy" or "don't let X die" but mostly "kill Y to win".

Again one of the best features about it is that I can normally complete a mission in about 10 mins (they give you a time limit of 90mins. I think that would be soul destroying and really hard to require that length of time. I reckon my AI allies would defeat everyone in that time if I didn't :P) so I can pick up a controller and quickly kill some people and then go do something else.

Finally when I'm out and about I've been taking my Gameboy color with me to play this. I've already mostly completed it on emulator years ago but I finally picked up a copy for cheaps off Amazon. It's a very basic game with a similar layout to the original Red/Blue in the way that there are gyms and you defeat 3 people then a gym leader. There is also a rival (who I can't remember the name of) who turns up every so often. You get to choose your starter deck (Bulbasaur/Charmander/Squirtle and friends) and off you go. The cards that are used in the game are from the base, jungle and fossil sets with the promo Meowth (Blackstar 10) that was originally released with this game also used (I didn't get one because it was second hand but I can get one off ebay pretty cheap).

There isn't much to the game but I quite enjoy it and sadly I also rather enjoy thinking "yup I have that card in reals". It's a game about collecting things and in my family that's quite a trait that we have. I'm not very far in it but I'm still having fun remembering how to play the original TCG (the updated version I play on TCGOnline is better but nostalgia!).

So you may have noticed that very few of my games at the moment are plot driven. Really only DW:G3 can boast any kind of plot and even that doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. It's mostly because at the moment I don't want to be thinking "so I have to go here to talk to this guy to get this quest to get to this part of the game to find out blahblahblah". All I really want is action at the moment. At some point I'm going to go back to my pile of incomplete Squenix games (Persona4, FFXIII, Last Remenant, other FFgames) and Mass Effect (finally got for Christmas) but I feel like it would just be too much (I also need to find a synopsis for the first disk of Last Rem because I haven't played that in about 3 years and I need my maps for FFXIII and probably need to restart VII, X and get a synopsis for I and III). See! Look at how much effort plot driven games are when you are a sporadic gamer like me! Maybe after these games I'll go back to Theme Hospital (with no plot) and finally complete it (on consultant level because I enjoy it hxc on there). I should also go back to Pokemon.... Soul Silver, Black, start Diamond and Emerald. We got them all at roughly the same time so I have a major backlog on that front.

And then I have other things I need to be doing other than gaming! :P I need to start applying for a second job (bleh), reading all my hundreds of unread books (le sigh), tidying and decluttering my room (all the frikking time!), getting a good night's sleep for work the next day (very important!), sorting out the Iolanthe files so I can send some to Hazyshade (because I've overkilled my mind on copying up the score and it's just a little too much and he is fabulous and keeps offering, also 70 page 1st act finale anyone?!). I also want to be practising my instruments more and learning how to play the ones I've bought but never learnt (or acquired) but I don't seem to have enough hours in my day! I agree with Blue on the thought that sleep is such a waste of time but such a damned necessity!

Now I should make a checklist for tomorrow and go to bed because it's almost 00:30 and I should have been in bed an hour and a half ago so goodnight all my lovelies and may all your dreams come true (just the good ones and not the nasty nightmares).

Lemonses and butterflies, Buttercup xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

You may say I'm a dreamer

I'd actually be very much ok with that. In fact I might make myself a little label...

That's how ok I am with dreaming. Ok so it's a rubbish little thing I did in photoshop in about 5 minutes (lies it took like 15 but 10 minutes of that was trying to choose a font and even now I'm not happy with this one but meh).

The point is is that I've kinda realised why I want to be a *whispers* music artist. Actually firstly I'll explain why I use music artist instead of say; musician, artist, singer, band member etc. (also I've stopped whispering :P). I don't use musician because in my mind it's either too broad (although it negates my whole point because anything in that list can be thought of as too broad when really I could probably narrow it down with the type of person I am just with the use of a genre) or that it makes me think of people in orchestras or wind bands. You know, a very school thought process of musician. I know it's silly but it's how my brain works (even though The Spice Girls, Korn, The London Philharmonic are ALL musicians it's just not the right term for me). Normally I like the term artist but that is even woolier because unless you know it's specifically to do with music you wouldn't necessarily think of anything but the kind who paints, or draws, or makes sculptures (etc.). But essentially that is what I wish to create. Art. Not crazy art music in the sense of 20th century compositions, although that would be really fun too. But something beautiful.

Note; this is just my definitions on art and stuff. I'm not opening political debates on Tracey Emin or the eternal "what is art?" but that is what I think. Art is beautiful even if it isn't obviously so.

I can probably narrow my field into a subgenre of pop/singer-songwriter. I can see that if I were to do anything on these lines that is where I would fall. Probably with electro hints, maybe some indie influences (this is in the way it is a style now and less of what it means). I'd love to put some rock in there, scene-emoid-rock. I'd like layers, some choral work, some harmony, some chiptune, industrial, shoegazing, minimalism, ambience. Really everything that I love listening to. But here is the thing (and it is a quote from my tumblr originally from less than an hour ago):

"I don’t care if i’m never famous, if I’m never a somebody. None of that really matters. I just want to create something beautiful. So long as I do that it’ll all be worthwhile.

And if that one beautiful thing makes one person feel happy and even possibly better about themselves as a person then I have done more than I would ever dream possible.

Be alive. Keep running."

The last sentence is an obvious reference to Sing by MCR but the interesting point is that they influenced that entire thought. Whilst it was created after watching the official video for The Kids From Yesterday it was somewhat brought forwards by remembering the fan video (of the same track) that was the main influence for the official vid (they asked the creator of the fan vid to help them make their official one which is so wonderful). I've provided a link to both, the fan video was produced first and is the most important one really but it's nice to see the clips of live footage and other videos that the band put together for their video. When you know that at least two members (Gerard and Mikey) have suffered severe depression in the past up until The Black Parade era and you see them now it's just so lovely. But seriously the fan vid gives me goosebumps every time I watch it. They're the same song so sorry if that bit bores you. Just, it's just wow. The last bit, at the end of the fan vid, it's a quote that Frank wrote on his MCR blog after the released Danger Days, read it. You might have to pause the video (I certainly did at least once) but it's also important. Art is the weapon.

The Kids From Yesterday Official Video 

The Kids From Yesterday Fan Video 

The point is is that I would love to make one person feel good about themselves the way that MCR do for me. I mean I guess you could say "hey make something really crap looking and someone will look at it going 'yeah I can make something better than that and so now I feel better about myself'" but that isn't really feeling better about yourself (or at least I don't find it does). It's like listening to a really good piece of music and it making you smile just because it makes you feel that great. It's listening to that piece of music and it making you feel like you are worth something and that, ok so they're famous people and don't know you, but that you are worth a damn. It's the kind of music that makes you put down that compass or knife or other sharp implement and makes you want to dance and do something else. That makes things worth just that little bit more even if it is just them telling you that they're not ok either.

I probably sound ridiculous but that's fine.

The thing is I doubt I could create anything that's worth as much as Sister Hazel and MCR are to me. But why shouldn't I be able to? This is where I am a dreamer and I know it but the main point that I should take from that is to take the dreaming to another level. Maybe trying to bring it to life. Just trying and see where it gets me. I know I can compose some ok music. I know that that is a thing. I got a 2:1 overall for my compositions in my final year. Those aren't bad marks.

There is one thing that I need to improve on though and that is lyric writing. It doesn't help that I mostly feel like a wazzak writing lyrics because ultimately I feel like 15 year old emo me. I can come up with some pretty ok single lines that sound obscure and wonderful but anything more, putting two or three lines together, just don't work. And then once I do that it's getting music and words to fit together. 

It's so tricky.

I'd quite like to start a band but I don't know enough people who would want to band with me. I don't have songs that I could go "hey people I have these, let's go". I mean that would be fab but I also don't know anyone who would want to start a rock band with me. But hey, if you're reading this and are thinking "I was wondering the same thing as you" then seriously geti n touch and maybe we could do something. I mean we can always have a go :D.

Another option is to start with dance type music. More instrument driven then lyric driven and build up from there. I already want to write some dubstep type music at some point and with that you can remix or sample from other people's music very easily and make a fabulous piece of music. At the moment I'm very into any type of danceish music. We went to an industrial night at our rock club and Blue and I danced quite continuously for about 3 hours, and this was very energetic dancing (still feeling a little bit of that work out still). That music was moving people. Not just that they wanted to have a little groove. These people were really into it and none of us cared if we looked like numpties. We were throwing our arms around, jumping up and down, side to side. Everything was good. It's all just wonderful. I'm hoping that we go back, I mean I could go back by myself but it's best with Blue.

The other thing that I want to do is I want to work into my dissertation. I was talking to my brother about it and he was actually rather encouraging about it. I thought it was terrible, terribly written, too waffly, too many subjects in such a small space of time, just not good enough. But he said it was actually really interesting. I mean the topic helped but maybe it wasn't all that bad? Maybe it is worth going back to it, doing more research, working into it. I would love to do a MMus on it (that and composition of ambient music, music for a purpose or to enhance an experience (a lot like the stuff that my dissertation is on) such as that of gameplay music). I'd love to take it to PhD level but I can't justify the money spending on a further degree or two for something that isn't going to give me a certain (or semi-certain) job at the end. But I definitely want to work into it again. I've had a few requests from people to read it which is quite... well shocking for me. I didn't expect that but then again there aren't that many people writing about video game music so I guess it was because of that. The best part is that research involves playing old games because I'm not just looking at the music. I'm not going to be sitting looking at the score or listening intently to iTunes writing every note that passes by and analysing it. That can be interesting but then all I'm doing is looking at music and it doesn't matter on the source. I'm looking at interaction and integration between the music and the game. But that's all for me to write in my dissertation and when I am even happier with it I might get it rebound. Maybe I'll put a postit on the front of my old one and write [beta] on it :3. The next can be 1.0.0 ver.

Now I just need to find time and motivation at the same time. Such an annoyance!

Lemons and love, Buttercup

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

p.s. Even though it's really frosty-cold right now Trouble seems to be doing fine. I was worried she'd freeze to death since we're in minus figures at night and the frost is lasting almost all day even in sunlight but she seems to be doing fine :3

Trouble is a friend, but trouble is a foe, oh oh!

To the left is a sketch of my new friend, Trouble. She is a chicken (don't ask my what type because when I tried to find a similar type on google images the one that I found was subtitled "a very standard chicken" so breed = chicken) who I often see on my way to work.

She is, I presume, an escapee from the allotments that are on both sides of the road where she now resides. Ok she doesn't live actually on the road but on the shrubbed and treed verge. The first time I saw her I almost ran her down on my bicycle.

I would love to catch her and keep her as a pet but I think Smartie (cat) might actually try and eat her if I brought her into the house and we don't have a chicken coop. She also seems to be doing pretty well as she's been a free bird for over a month now.

The school I work at actually keeps chickens and I would love Trouble to be part of their... um... flock? That feels like the wrong word. I want to say herd but that is obviously wrong :P I've heard it is hard to introduce new chickens into a coop but it would be nice if she had somewhere warm to sit at night and there were fewer perils other than angry ladyhens.

I would have shown you a photo of Troubs but she's rather shy and so none of the photos were any good but from them I could make an ok picture :) I rather like having a chicken friend.

Other things in my life. I've spent lots of money so far this year so I'm going to have to cut back on that because it's les terribles, although I'm enjoying knowing that a set amount of money is entering my bank every month. Wages are possibly the best thing about jobs. Even if it was the best job ever and I loved it with all my heart... om nom wages! I bought some new nail varnish (yet more glitteries because that is where it is at) which I may show you if I remember to take photos. I'll upload photos from the other batches I've done too because I said I would but I forgots.

I mostly just wanted to tell you about Trouble. :3

Lemonses, Buttercup xxxxxxxxx

Was it love at first sight when you walked by and you caught my eye?

So I was talking to Hazy and he told me I needed to blog more so here is a generalised update on my life with possible random thoughts interspersed. I need to check when my last blog was though... wow almost 2 months ago! That is a long while and quite a bit has happened since then. I mean it's a whole new year, a new campaign map in life!

Well the main thing that has happened since I last typed was Christmas and then New Year. These were pretty good times. I mean they normally are and I think always have been good times. There is good food and everyone has little gifts or big gifts in some cases. I got some wonderful presents but I don't need to go bragging about those to you, I'm sure you guys got wonderful things too.

For NYE (New Year's Eve) I did things completely differently to any other time. Firstly I went to the city's NYE parade, in which Anna-chan was part of a serpent. The parade was good although I was behind tall people, thank goodness for cameras and auto focus (I was totally photographing over peoples' heads and actually watching most of it on someone else’s DSLR (canon I think) as they filmed the whole thing). The best part for me was the firework display. I LOVE FIREWORKS. I'm not even slightly joking. Normally I wouldn't be a fan of loud noises, especially sudden, loud noise, but fireworks? Man, set off a couple and you'll just see how big my smile is. This was a pretty damned good display too! Lots of variation!

Then from there Anna-chan and I walked to Bette's house for some party-age with NUGSS people. We didn't stay 'til very late because there would have been no room to sleep and then we'd have been stuck in town with a not very easy way home so we went to get a metro at 10.30pm(?), only to find out that the metro wouldn't be there for another 45mins or so. Just as well for me that I was drunk at this point or I could have been very grumpy at that.

Our metro driver wished us happy new year when it got to midnight, which was sweet. We got to her house at about 12.15 which was fine because then we nested on the sofa and belted tunes from les misérables! It was a cracking way to bring in the new year.

Since then I seem to have been busy busy busy the whole time. Work is going pretty to very well. I've been getting out to see people on a semi regular basis which is nice.

I've been considering the whole “NYResolutions” (NYR) thing. Now I sit on fencing with things like these. Whilst I truly think that if NYRs get you to do things then they are a fabulous thing I do feel that if people can do them for NY then why not any time, like the day they first think of them. I know that having a platform such as NY or your birthday is a good boost to start a new thing or to quit an old thing but it's sad that we can't just go “oh I fancy changing myself so I'll start today”.

The other issue is that you get a couple of months in (at best) and have forgotten that you even had NYRs or have given up because it was too hard or you just couldn't be bothered. I'm not even judging other people here because this is what I do. I don't remember a single NYR that I've kept and if I did keep one it wasn't because I thought of it as my NYR. So what's the point in them?

This year I'm trying something different. I don't have resolutions as such. I just have a checklist. It's like a to do list but for the year. They normally help me to do tasks during the day so I thought, what the hell. Let's go for it anyway. Some are really easy like Complete Gen 2 (which involves me buying 4 particular pokemon cards from 151-251) and some are harder. I'll let you know how I get on with it :D

Ok I lost my train of thought because I went away and played Plants vs. Zombies (I love tower defence games, and I happen to be pretty good at them too!), then I had to wash my hair because it was smelling like chlorine (because I went swimming today but only did 26 lengths, but was distracted because I was talking to a bloke for a while) and then had tea (quiche and home made soup and salads with tiger bread and butter :3) and then played on some more PvZ... I was going to tell you all about the woes of my hair but I'm sleepy now and fancy watching some Fullmetal Alchemist (original series) and maybe doing some of the tasks I still have for today. Maybe blog again in a little while.

Lemons and loveses, Buttercup xxxxxxxx